Fakeit's Success Story - Time is the ultimate healer

[[Buddie]]

Wow, what an incredible success story.  Thanks for sharing.  There was nothing fake about it 

[[Buddie]]

You have brought tears to my eyes... definitely tears of admiration and love. I am so happy to have met you and that we became the best of friends. I can’t thank God enough for you! And I’m so happy that you can finally post your success story!!! I love you! God bless and to all reading this... your not alone. Take it one day at a time. Healing does happen. God bless you “B”🥰🥰🥰🥰

[[Buddie]]

I'm really happy to read your success story. Just like you, I have this feeling of WANTING to WANT!

May I ask when did you finally found some rest with your symptoms, especially the depressive spells? Can you give us a timeline?
I was also a short term user and mixed it together with SSRI that I took only 6 weeks. I find some relief in stories like yours.

[[Buddie]]

Thank you for writing such a thoughtful post here. I really appreciate all you said and you made me think about my faith and how I am still holding on to feel God the way I used to. I really miss that feeling and hope it comes back. Best of luck to you and thank you again!

[[Buddie]]

Fakeit,
So great to hear you are recovered and doing well. I think we arrived at BB around the same time. Im so glad you are living life and not faking it anymore!  Congrats!
Fp

[[Buddie]]

What I like about your success story is that a couple of things really jump out at me that mirror my own experience. First, the thing about feeling like houses are scary and haunted; the fear of going outside without someone else on the phone with you; and the "wanting to want it." Now it makes more sense to me, the "wanting to want," and how that differs from deep depression, which lacks a wanting for mostly everything.

So much frustration for me right now is wanting things so badly, but my brain can't do them very well. Until I read your story, it never occurred to me that others might frame it the same way. Thank you and good luck on your ongoing journey.

[[Buddie]]

I'm really happy to read your success story. Just like you, I have this feeling of WANTING to WANT!

May I ask when did you finally found some rest with your symptoms, especially the depressive spells? Can you give us a timeline?
I was also a short term user and mixed it together with SSRI that I took only 6 weeks. I find some relief in stories like yours.

I honestly wish I could say a definite time frame.  But the truth is, it's the windows and waves thing like everyone describes.
I mean, I guess I could say after about a year?  But then there were bad times after that.  But the windows started getting clearer and longer.

Then, more time would go by and I'd think "Wow, I thought THAT was a window a month ago, but THIS is even better".  But then a wave would hit and I'd sink back into "I'll never be the same again".

It's the strangest thing in the world.  But I can say for me, it just continually got better until the "waves" were SO miniscule and when I compared them to what I went through in the beginning, I just kept thinking LIFE IS GREAT AGAIN.

If I HAD to put ONE time frame on how long it takes to heal from this, I would agree with the two year average.  I was feeling WAY better at the two year anniversary from my last Benzo.  July 10th will be two years since my last anti-depressant and I know for sure I'm going to feel even better by then (even though I DO consider myself healed).

[[Buddie]]

I also want to add why I think that "faking it" helped me so much.

I believe a HUGE part of our brains healing is getting the Serotonin and other chemicals NATURALLY flowing in our brain.

The BEST way to do that naturally is to focus and concentrate on HAPPY thoughts and HAPPY things. 
When you lie in bed, lie on the couch, wallow in agony and grief and feel sorry for yourself, it doesn't produce those "good" chemicals in your brain.
When you go outside and walk - and look at the trees and flowers, listen to the birds... when you pray … when you listen to good music, paint, garden, visit with loved ones, play board games, CREATE... all those things . . . it helps whatever it is in your brain that needs healing STRIVE for healing.

I remember walking and walking and walking... looking at the sun and clouds and just digging SO deep to try to "feel it" again.  I KNEW I should "feel" the sunshine and the wind and I KNEW how I was feeling wasn't right . . . I knew I shouldn't feel so dead inside.... so I would fake it and literally talk to myself and say "hello clouds, you are beautiful" . . . "hello sunshine, I feel you on my face and I know it should fill me with joy".  I would watch a sunset and just tell myself over and over again, 'Someday it will feel like it used to'.

I hope all that makes sense.  Just keep reminding yourself that this is temporary!!  Just keep digging as deep as you can to remember what life USED to feel like and that it's going to come back.

HUGS TO YOU ALL.

Fakeit

[[Buddie]]

What you said about the waves getting better and better is so encouraging! This is one of my favorite success stories, thanks for coming back and writing it.

[[Buddie]]

Fakeit,
Your story is typical, and what a terrible shame that is! I am just so glad you stuck it out. And managed to heal. I did too, and that, perhaps, is a miracle.
I look back to how I was back then. Weighed 85 lbs, could hardly walk at all without a damn walker. And ALL of this directly due to my taking benzos. In all reality, I should be dead now. But here I am, alive and healthier than I have been in many years. Oh, the damage these drugs do! And none of us were warned. Being a nurse, I "believed" in drugs. Oh how wrong I was. I am now anti drug except for necessary ones that actually treat a problem. Drugs that supposedly make you feel happy, or calm - are (in my opinion) a huge pack of lies. I would never take an SSRI or benzo again. Garbage drugs that do more harm than good.

All of us learn from this. But we have to open our minds a bit to GET that learning.

Thank you for sharing your story! It is moving and all too familiar to me.
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