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Life review


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This symptom truly sucks. My mind ruminates on all the events and poor decision making leading up to benzo use, them goes back in time to find all memories that used to be happy. Random memories I never even remembered or care to recall. Makes me full with regret, sadness......I DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE LIFE I USED TO HAVE. Sigh. I’ve read about this symptom on Jennifer Leigh’s website. I just wish my mind would stop making me feel like crap. Can’t control my mind. What is happening in my brain that is doing this? Probably the memory part of my brain that is being triggered and active.

 

 

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I do this too. I tend to do it more on the days I'm at my worst. I think our brains are just full of glutamate and wreaking havoc. I also believe (for me at least) I have guilt about putting myself in this position to begin with, even though I never abused my prescription. I also have guilt about not healing fast enough. We can be our own worst enemy through this hell. Try to let the feelings come and pass. Don't fight it. You're going to get through this.
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Life review is the absolute worst. I thought I was going crazy until I read the same article that you mentioned and just getting the validation from it was a huge help. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I  can tell you that over time the symptom has slowly gone away just like all the other ones have. I did a lot of writing in my journal around that time to remind myself that the feeling wasn't real and that it would eventually pass. I don't know if you keep a journal or not, but I highly suggest it. Sometimes I would feel better just by reading prior entries from days where my symptoms were a lot worse and it reminded me that even though it doesn't always seem like it, things have slowly gotten better. It keeps things in perspective.
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I just try to distract but it doesn’t stop the life review symptom from happening. I hope this goes away for us
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It will go away.

 

Did you have this symptom too? My brain is stuck in the past, and I’ve lost cognitive abilities related to the present.

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My brain was sorting through my past like a biography, accentuating anything I regretted...it was awful.  And in some ways I longed for the past when I wasn't in shambles.  But it eventually passed.  I would also play a mental jukebox of old songs, commercials and show themes...it was constant and maddening...made sleep even harder.  That left, too.  My brain felt like sandpaper when I tried to force my current skills...so painful...but that is also gone.
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I'm stuck here too. I was a cheerful, fully functioning independent adult pre-benzo. Now, not so much. I keep replaying the last several months of last year, when multiple injuries, severe insomnia, and insanity at work pushed my anxiety and OCD over the edge, and, instead of the holistic remedies I had investigated, in a moment of desperation I took a drug which I had not. The price has been unbelievable and unbearable, and I'm not remotely healed yet.
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Benzosnomore: thanks for the reassurance that it goes away. I too am struggling with this off and on. Its so bizarre how seemingly minute memories and feelings surface during this, and how every regret gets amplified. things I could swear I made peace with years ago are revisiting. It feels like a flood at times.

I'm working very hard at positive reframing, acceptance, and distraction...

 

Thanks again:)

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Have you had any windows?

 

No, I don’t even know what people mean when they say windows. All of a sudden all symptoms just mysteriously vanish and then come back? All of my symptoms have been constant. 24/7. Were u always functional?

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My dreams as I sleep are usually about me doing things like I did before the Benzos.  When I wake up, I realize that I'm sick and disabled and the dreams were really only nice dreams....

 

It does make me feel like my life has a very clear division between pre-benzo and post-benzo.

 

 

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Have you had any windows?

 

No, I don’t even know what people mean when they say windows. All of a sudden all symptoms just mysteriously vanish and then come back? All of my symptoms have been constant. 24/7. Were u always functional?

 

I was very non-functional...the first 3 months I was bedridden.  It slowly got better over time...but took years, esp since I had a 2nd w/d that did even more things to me.

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Have you had any windows?

 

No, I don’t even know what people mean when they say windows. All of a sudden all symptoms just mysteriously vanish and then come back? All of my symptoms have been constant. 24/7. Were u always functional?

 

I was very non-functional...the first 3 months I was bedridden.  It slowly got better over time...but took years, esp since I had a 2nd w/d that did even more things to me.

 

U had a second withdrawal? From Benzos or another med?

 

I am still couchbound at a year off.

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A "Life review" can hurt like hell. And when you get off benzos, it might just be the best thing you can do in order to heal. Yeah, I know it hurts.

But all of us got on benzos for reasons. And those reasons need to be looked at and let those reasons fade away.....slowly but surely.

This lesson was really hard for me, after thirty years of abusing benzos  every night. It hurt like hell to think about this and try to resolve it in some way.

And though my story might be a bit extreme, I do know that ALL of you have stories that led you to take benzos. Its important for you to look at those reasons, and start to make changes in how you deal with stress, anxiety or insomnia.

 

On another subject, having windows does not seem to make a bit of difference in how you will heal from benzos. I never had a window or a wave. Never! It was sort of ALL a huge wave for this old warrior. And I used to worry that because I had no windows it meant something really bad for me. Turned out that my not having windows or waves meant NOTHING at all. I healed just the same.

 

Many of us are "sheltering at home" now due to Covid 19. I sure am. But if you are in the throes of benzo wd, and already scared out of your minds.....oh heavens, I know you are suffering, so scared and so afraid for your very life! Now is the time to depend on BB a bit more....all of us need support now due to this virus thing.

Most importantly now is to stay safe. Stay home, do what you can to distract yourself. I made a list of a lot of goofy chores I had been putting off for a long time. I am slowly wading through that list. Just to stay busy as I dont want to go anywhere right now. This virus IS very scary, and especially for people like me - over 60 with prior medical problems.

 

Listen up here. This scary time WILL pass on by. Benzo wd does not last forever. But it sure feels like it could!  There is just something about benzo wd that makes you feel you are permanently damaged.

Now is a good time to stay at home, focus on what is GOOD about your life, not what is wrong with your life. Count your blessings, friends.

When the stress and strain over Covid 19 or benzo wd hits you, turn your computer on and reach out HERE for support. I sure plan on doing that.

HUGE HUG to ALL MY BB FRIENDS!

east

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Have you had any windows?

 

No, I don’t even know what people mean when they say windows. All of a sudden all symptoms just mysteriously vanish and then come back? All of my symptoms have been constant. 24/7. Were u always functional?

 

I was very non-functional...the first 3 months I was bedridden.  It slowly got better over time...but took years, esp since I had a 2nd w/d that did even more things to me.

 

U had a second withdrawal? From Benzos or another med?

 

I am still couchbound at a year off.

 

PPI...on stomach pills for 15 years at that point...GABA is mostly in our guts.  I jumped off CT. I walked into walls and lost my balance all the time...and much more...then got told I likely has MS after that one.

 

And, btw...I had to crawl to the bathroom...and rarely ate...I lost 55 lbs in 2-3 months...I had 125 symptoms in total roughly...you have no idea.

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Didn’t know ppl also affects GABA receptors. How are u doing now after several years?

 

GABA receptors are what gets damaged from using Benzos.  They take over the GABA production(which is a body and brain chemical that calms us down) and the body forgets how to make GABA on it's own...which is what causes the w/d when you take the Benzos away.  So it does improve when things right themselves.  I was in w/d for at least 2-3 years as far as I can tell.  I am also going through Peri and that causes a lot, as well.  I have several chronic illnesses that are not Benzo-related and just found out the love of my life is suffering from lung cancer.  Not a great time to fully gage things.

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I meant didn’t know PPIs can afffect GABA receptors. I know Benzos do.

So sorry about ur loved ones diagnosis.

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I meant didn’t know PPIs can afffect GABA receptors. I know Benzos do.

So sorry about ur loved ones diagnosis.

 

The greatest amount of GABA is in our stomachs...so stomach pills ruin that and the gut flora balance, as well as lessen the stomach acid necessary to digest and get the nutrition properly from our foods.

 

http://mappingignorance.org/2016/08/04/gaba-link-gut-brain/

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