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Something Positive


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I read a lot of posts about negative symptoms and I also post about my negative symptoms. I would like to hear something positive about your healing. For me, I am starting to feel some of my symptoms letting up. This week I got this overwhelming feeling that I will heal. Like I had a vision in how I will feel. Please tell me something good about your healing.
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Hi Packy, Good to hear you are recognizing improvements.  I had those brief periods where I had that overwhelming feeling that something good was happening.  I wrote this down in my journal around the 6 month mark.  Trust it.

 

At 15 months, I am able to handle a lot more stress without getting slammed by a wave.  When sxs do pop up, I can talk to them like an old acquaintance that I don't want to hang around with anymore.  The sxs no longer cause a fear response.  Irritating but not frightful.

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Thanks Packy - we need this post right now with all the world craziness. I could list current symptoms...but lets list good stuff!

 

Sleep has been more attainable in weird chunks - but I'm so grateful for it! My appetite has come back a bit, so I've put back on a couple of the many pounds I've lost. My bowels have improved (TMI..). I attempted to play mahjong on my device today and did better than I would have a week ago (trying to train my brain..). I'm walking daily outside...two months ago I could barely go up the stairs and was literally shuffling my feet when I tried to walk - strength is coming back.

 

I was in tolerance WD for months and didn't know it. It was hell. I'm 24 days off Ativan. I know I'm not in the clear - but so happy for the things that are going right - even if they fluctuate or change - I know they'll come back positively again bc they're here right now. gotta keep reminding myself sometimes:)...

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Thank you for starting this thread.

 

I had that same feeling you describe on and off for the last couple of days now and it makes me so excited. I got slammed by a wave for hours this afternoon but then it went away and that positive feeling came back. I have more energy, I can do more, I went outside and actually got a sunburn today because I spent long enough outside which for me is huge. I have a lot of my cognitive and executive functioning back. This was on the heels of two weeks of hell. I think things are breaking up and it makes me very hopeful.

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Most days I feel good. Hardly any of that horrible anxiety where you feel dread in the pit of your stomach, now I just have normal anxiety that's completely manageable, which I think of as the anxiety that everyone else experiences. Because now I know....there's anxiety and there's benzo anxiety, two different worlds.

 

My head is clearer, I feel more balanced and not as dizzy, my vision isn't as dim, I'm not having obsessive thinking, I no longer perseverate over pill-cutting and how much longer I have to go before I jump and all my symptoms, god that was draining.

 

It feels so good to be pill free. No xanax, no ambien, just me.

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At 13 months, chronic anxiety is gone. It’s still mindboggling to me that the benzos were actually causing not it not treating it! You’d think after so many years I would have figured that out. The relief is such a blessing. Normal sleep has returned. I’ve learned I can’t seem to sleep in though so not staying up late is important.
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At 13 months, chronic anxiety is gone. It’s still mindboggling to me that the benzos were actually causing not it not treating it! You’d think after so many years I would have figured that out. The relief is such a blessing. Normal sleep has returned. I’ve learned I can’t seem to sleep in though so not staying up late is important.

 

That's wonderful to hear CitizenZ.  I agree 100% that benzos cause as much anxiety as they cure.  When I was taking them my anxiety peaks were MUCH higher, even if the benzo was then able to knock that peak back down.

 

Now that I have been off, my anxiety peaks aren't so high and I am very grateful for this, so I would say that is my 'something positive'.

 

Other than that, here I am at 8 months, and I think my sleep is a little better?

 

Keep those positive messages coming!

 

Cheers,

          RR

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Unfortunately I have no idea where I'm at in terms of how many months out I am due to kindling and alcohol setbacks. That being said, despite the rest of the world being crazy right now I truly feel like I am slowly healing and getting better. I was in a wave from last Christmas up until early this month and it's finally over--just in time for when everything crazy in the world really ramped up.

 

When I look back to where I was 1-2 years go I feel like a completely different person now. I'm no longer living in constant fear and anxiety. The agoraphobia is gone. I got promoted twice during WD and survived two different 2 hour long interviews without having a panic attack. My hair isn't growing out damaged/falling out anymore. My muscle is on its way back. I can drink a cup of coffee in the mornings again. I'm no longer having obsessive thoughts over past trauma that tortured me day and night. Some symptoms are still there--the skin issues, tinnitus, depression, vision problems, muscle aches. But overall, everything is 200% more manageable than it used to be. I can listen to music again and work out more than twice a week without having to worry about getting into a horrible stress-related setback.

 

As the saying goes, this too shall pass.

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I will never forget the first time I went for a walk with the dog and instead of crawling over the street I felt awake and I could smell the fresh air and the sun came up. It was like in a movie... maybe ridiculous, but this was really the first glimpse of hope after years of taper and withdrawal.

I also remember when I thought about something and made a joke, just in my mind - and I realized "oh, I AM funny." and then "yes... I was a funny person long time ago - oh, its coming back?"

And after being back at work, after a year, I noticed I did not sweat any more, I wasn't anxious any more, I was... bored. And back home, I had the power to workout. Bammmm!!!

 

Its all about the little, very little signs. First I had to focus and search for them... Now, years after coming off benzos and all the other meds, - its obvious to me and everyone who loves me, that the real Marigold is back and I am so thankful for it. I hope you all will see a shimmer of healing soon, and if not healing, then signs for strength and faith to carry on.

 

:smitten:

MArigold

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I've had 50 symptoms. I just wanted to lie in a dark room. But now 4-5 remain. Although it's still very difficult, it's a great success. So I try to be grateful. My brain is constantly working to be back on track.

:smitten:

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What a great thread.

 

I managed to take a nap yesterday for the FIRST time since I got off the drugs. I twitched somewhat but I managed to nap!!! My tinnitus is slowly healing, it’s slow but I’m practicing patience and remain hopeful. I work half days from home now and this week my head pressure wasn’t so bad, my ability to handle stress is slowly improving, it feels like an elastic band that is being stretched, every new week I can do a little bit more. This past weekend my husband said it’s nice to see me being more like myself, I was dancing to a song on the radio for the first time in months. I still get cortisol surges at night in my sleep, I practice breathing exercises and drink cayenne pepper, honey and warm water before bed which helps with the heart palpitations. I’m trying to rewire my brain with positive thinking as much as possible, lots of meditation, I still can’t exercise but I’m practicing neuroplasticity... Healing is happening...

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tryingtobehopeful:

 

A nap! - that's awesome! I miss naps...Curious on how your "drink" before bed helps with heart palps???

 

I too get the cortisol surges. Mine are less at night now but def are there in the mornings. Your progress sounds awesome.

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Hi Trina,

1/8th of a teaspoon of Cayenne pepper, a dash of honey and half a cup of warm water does the trick for my heart palpitations. When the palps are bad I take the mixture 3 times a day. Today I ate lots of grapes and this gave me heart palpitations (can you believe it), so I’ve taken the mixture and will have again at night. This makes the palpitations better and when I’m really stable and don’t eat things that make them worse, they go away completely. Some people take 1/2 a spoon of cayenne but I can’t handle it. So take what you can handle... It takes a few days to feel the effect...

And your naps will come back slowly :-) I had many days of lying on my bed practicing napping unsuccessfully :-) Eventually we will heal completely.

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Just been reading all these wonderful positives!

 

It reminded me of something that happened the other day... I caught myself singing to the radio!

 

Yesterday I managed to walk 1.8 miles

Slowly but surely!

 

That spontaneous laughter, singing, and the like are the best medicine!

 

I had to think long and hard about my improvements because they have been difficult to find, but I will say I am more emotionally 'even' than I was just a few months back.  I recall talking to my therapist in Nov/Dec and feeling like I just wanted to bust out crying.  I had a chat with her last night and it occurred to me that this symptom has faded away.

 

Looking forward to us all seeing these symptoms just fade into the background...

 

Cheers,

        RR

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I LOVE this thread!

 

I am 15 months off on the 31st!  (woo-hoo!).

 

This week has been, by far, my best week yet!

I went through quite a bad wave, rapid fire symptoms, from February 1 until a few weeks ago. (just awful).

 

This week I have cleaned, no fatigue, my mind has been clearer, anxiety has decreased significantly, energy is good, I even cried once (!!), sleep is good, no awful thoughts as I am falling to sleep, I have napped!!!!!

Let me say it again  ;) ... I HAVE NAPPED.  Not one time in 15 months but this week ... all.the.naps!  And, I wake up feeling good!

 

I pray for continued windows for all. 

 

Stay healthy, all!

And keep that healing coming !!!!

 

-Believe

 

 

 

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[88...]

I read a lot of posts about negative symptoms and I also post about my negative symptoms. I would like to hear something positive about your healing. For me, I am starting to feel some of my symptoms letting up. This week I got this overwhelming feeling that I will heal. Like I had a vision in how I will feel. Please tell me something good about your healing.

 

I can FEEL again

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I had an absolutely horrible Tuesday night and ended up taking off work on Wednesday. By the end of the day I felt 180° better and the next day was actually a very good day. Healing is happening
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I had an amazing window the last couple days where I felt almost 100% back to normal aside from very mild tinnitus/vision/GI issues. All of the mental issues were gone and it was beautiful. I'm in a bit of a set back this morning, but I feel closer than ever to healing. Fingers crossed for sometime very very soon!
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I am almost at two months of being free.  The most positive change is that I can actually feel joy again.  With Benzos I was always at this middle level, not depressed but not happy either. 

 

The other positive change is that my mind feels calmer. 

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I am almost at two months of being free.  The most positive change is that I can actually feel joy again.  With Benzos I was always at this middle level, not depressed but not happy either. 

 

The other positive change is that my mind feels calmer.

 

Amen to that RShack, I have noticed the same.  The apathy and anhedonia I felt the first months after quitting have slowly lifted, and I have feel that calmness that you speak of as well which I haven't had in...forever.  Even when on benzos.

 

Cheers,

        RR

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I am almost at two months of being free.  The most positive change is that I can actually feel joy again.  With Benzos I was always at this middle level, not depressed but not happy either. 

 

The other positive change is that my mind feels calmer.

 

Amen to that RShack, I have noticed the same.  The apathy and anhedonia I felt the first months after quitting have slowly lifted, and I have feel that calmness that you speak of as well which I haven't had in...forever.  Even when on benzos.

 

Cheers,

        RR

 

So happy for you! :mybuddy:

 

Today I noticed something new, even after 4 years off. We are in a lockdown where I live for 3 weeks now. I am so bored and depressed and felt ugly. And tired. Normally this would not have been a day to do some sports - but I was so bored I put my poor body in front of the TV to exercise to some videos. I could do 60 minutes aerobics and 30 minutes yoga after that. While doing it I felt that the depression went away and I got a kick of energy. This is new. I was happy I could start to exercise after 4 years again, but after exercising most of the time I felt tired, - not today. From zero to 100 per cent - that is new.

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