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I need to know if others are suffering like this


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Hello,

 

I'm 14.5 months OFF clonazepam.  6.5 months ON remeron.  I'm suffering extreme mental symptoms 24/7.  My brain is constantly thinking.  Racing thoughts, ruminations, looping, earworms, intrusive thoughts/memories, SI, etc.  Every mental symptom all the time.

 

I'm starting my remeron taper tonight.  It will take me about 1 year to get off.  I was hospitalized and put on zyprexa for 11 days.  I plan on quitting it tonight with no taper but not sure if that's the right thing to do.

 

My mind is constantly looping and worried all the time.  I never get any peace.  I'm holding on by a thread with everyone telling me to keep going, however, those telling me to keep going have no experienced this level of mental anguish I am experiencing.  I have no idea how I am still here. 

 

What I am experiencing is not something a therapist can help.  It's all chemical.  I am extremely obsessive and can't stop my mind from worrying about anything and everything.

 

I can't distract and never have been able to. 

 

How do I keep going at this level of suffering?

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My early mornings can be like that..songs, memories (not good ones), thoughts, etc. Mine does lift as day goes on, but when its there its hell. I empathize with your struggle. Mine used to be all day too but i now realize a lot of  it was all the polydrugging I'd been through. It may be the remeron...I had a bad experience with it - horrible nightmares. I am currently off all psyche meds... which was scary at first but I'm never going back to them.

 

You may benefit from a therapist at least for support through this. I have had some emdr which has helped so far.

 

Are you alone a lot? It can make things worse if you are bc there's no-one to counteract what's going on in your head space.

 

Also found out my cortisol runs high for part of the day - like stupid high..this exacerbates any anxiety or symptoms. when it lowers my symptoms lessen. I know my cortisol will balance now that I'm off benzos - of course not fast enough for my liking.

 

there are others on BB who have experienced your mental distress. you are not alone.

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I’m also in mental and cognitive hell. Intrusive thoughts and memories, life review, obsessive negative rumination, anger, despair, regret, hatred, hopelessness. I thought Ativan was the mental demon but I suppose all Benzos are different yet similar. I use my therapist to vent and moan since I know it’s all chemical.
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I had all of those thoughts and then some...they do pass once your brain chemistry rights itself again.  Believe it or not...symptoms are a sign of healing and the body's desire to find homeostasis again.  Just have faith in your body's ability to heal. :thumbsup:
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Definitely caused my OCD , think if you never had symptoms before good indication that it's caused by withdrawal. Think it's quite common symptom.
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Definitely caused my OCD , think if you never had symptoms before good indication that it's caused by withdrawal. Think it's quite common symptom.

 

Right...so typical things that help regular OCD won't really help chemically-induced OCD from w/d.  And meds don't usually help OCD, but CBT usually does.

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CBT didn't help me but was on NHS and was pretty rubbish and as chemically induced doesn't really help.The SSRI is starting help bit. Just bought book called break free from ocd talks lot of sense different to usual CBT stuff where they just tell you not to do checking etc which doesn't work. Just started with psychotherapist who was great but now only on Skype. But traditional CBT doesn't work if it's caused by withdrawal.
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CBT didn't help me but was on NHS and was pretty rubbish and as chemically induced doesn't really help.The SSRI is starting help bit. Just bought book called break free from ocd talks lot of sense different to usual CBT stuff where they just tell you not to do checking etc which doesn't work. Just started with psychotherapist who was great but now only on Skype. But traditional CBT doesn't work if it's caused by withdrawal.

 

Exactly.

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[e8...]

CBT didn't help me but was on NHS and was pretty rubbish and as chemically induced doesn't really help.The SSRI is starting help bit. Just bought book called break free from ocd talks lot of sense different to usual CBT stuff where they just tell you not to do checking etc which doesn't work. Just started with psychotherapist who was great but now only on Skype. But traditional CBT doesn't work if it's caused by withdrawal.

 

What SSRI did you start?

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Think the right therapist can be of great help unfortunately can't connect with mine at the moment due to corona stuff. She actually agreed it's withdrawal caused it. Think the current situation where being stopped having any social contact with people making this worse. I have felt despair like Perth but doing other things seeing people can help some days. But forget CBT.
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[e8...]

Think the right therapist can be of great help unfortunately can't connect with mine at the moment due to corona stuff. She actually agreed it's withdrawal caused it. Think the current situation where being stopped having any social contact with people making this worse. I have felt despair like Perth but doing other things seeing people can help some days. But forget CBT.

 

Which medication did you start leann

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Citalopram. Do think some sort therapy would help you, as if I read your history right you were only on meds few days so could be some underlying issues they could help you with.
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I would be EXTREMELY wary of starting yet another drug now. SSRIs especially. Research has  shown they are of little use. Because they also work on your brain, just as benzos do but in a very different way.

What happened to me is interesting. Once I got off benzos, and started to heal, I noticed all of my old depression and anxiety were just....gone. For ME, benzos CAUSED anxiety and depression. Once I figured that out, it became a lot more obvious to my benzo injured brain that "mood altering" drugs were NOT for me!

I am no benzo free and AD free and very glad to be.

east

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Hi perth22 and anyone else who suffers any of the symptoms you describe:

 

"My brain is constantly thinking.  Racing thoughts, ruminations, looping, earworms, intrusive thoughts/memories, SI, etc.  Every mental symptom all the time."

 

I can check off most of those symptoms.  The earworms really are annoying.  Rumination, especially about everry bad thing that I can remember, racing thoughts, uncontrollable worry....all of it.

 

I am so sorry we all are experiencing such horrid symptoms.

 

If you are in the depths of despair, distraction might not work.  That's my experiece talking.  And, I want to emphasize that I am not a video gamer AT ALL!  However, I have found piano tiles seems to distract me.  Have you ever tried it?  It's eye movement (EMDR like), and music.

 

I thought I'd throw that out there because I was surprised how I can sometimes get into it.  I hope this helps in some way.

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East Coast depends what your symptoms are, mine is intrusive thoughts and OCD and SSRI's are recommended to help with that. Early days but are helping a bit. Just doing nothing doesn't work I had 8 months of things getting worse and worse. Depends how unbearable your symptoms are. Only on a low dose.
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leann, whatever works for you is fine. However, a lot of BB people want to steer clear of drugs that affect your brain. This is merely a personal opinion, but I no longer think SSRIS do a bit of good. (Except make money for someone.) I can tell you from MY point of view, since I had the same symptoms you do, that all of that stuff faded away once my brain started to heal a bit.

But all of this is conjecture. One has to make their decisions and then stick by them.

Personally I am glad I did NOT resort to more drugs back when I was so crazy from benzo wd.

east

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How long did it take yours to go. First started when I randomly started cutting down on meds nearly 2 years ago gradually got worse. Think I may have had some underlying anxiety masked by th zopiclone just wasn't prepared to sit back do nothing . Think some people do need stuff to help them eventually come out other end so long as you stay on low dose and view it as a temporary measure and taper properly think they are a iife  saver for many as I literally didn't want to go on, but as this site tends be anti taking anything people are obviously reluctant say they help.
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Withdrawal-caused OCD maybe.  Why should he get labeled with OCD when this is w/d?

 

Just because it's caused by withdrawal doesn't mean you don't treat it. I guess you could sit and suffer with it and wait for it to go away? It gave me OCD and I've had it for going on 5 years now. I chose to treat it and glad I did. If you have a headache do you take a Tylenol to help it or do you wait for it to go away?

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Definitely caused my OCD , think if you never had symptoms before good indication that it's caused by withdrawal. Think it's quite common symptom.

 

Right...so typical things that help regular OCD won't really help chemically-induced OCD from w/d.  And meds don't usually help OCD, but CBT usually does.

 

This is also not true. Anafranil helped my OCD immensely. Without it, I probably would have went insane. Also ERP therapy kept me from losing it. I don't know why this is a common thought but you still treat it like you would anything else.

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CBT didn't help me but was on NHS and was pretty rubbish and as chemically induced doesn't really help.The SSRI is starting help bit. Just bought book called break free from ocd talks lot of sense different to usual CBT stuff where they just tell you not to do checking etc which doesn't work. Just started with psychotherapist who was great but now only on Skype. But traditional CBT doesn't work if it's caused by withdrawal.

 

CBT won't work because there is too much reassurance. OCD lives on reassurance. You must dive into ERP therapy.

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Agree with the last two comments CBT won't help with OCD caused by withdrawal. I've been doing exposure therapy for months doesn't help. If you can find the right SSRI think they def help, very slow progress but slight improvement. Also started talking to psychotherapist which I think can be very beneficial, quite often can be underlying anxiety masked by the drugs and they help you try to get to the root of the problem rather than usual CBT stuff. It's seem be a cheap fix so NHS seems regard it as a cure all
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