Severe insomnia, I’m going nuts.

I’m still on 3.75mg of Ativan and can’t sleep, my 9th time going off, I’m on three antipsychotics still can’t sleep, do I have Fatal Insomnia? Benzos never worked for me only for a month then they stopped working.

You sound miserable, I'm so sorry.  Would you consider beginning your taper again since the Ativan isn't providing you any therapeutic value?  You're at a point where there doesn't seem to be any reason to stay on the drug, getting off and healing from the damage it has done to you seems to be your only choice. 

You sound miserable, I'm so sorry.  Would you consider beginning your taper again since the Ativan isn't providing you any therapeutic value?  You're at a point where there doesn't seem to be any reason to stay on the drug, getting off and healing from the damage it has done to you seems to be your only choice.

I’m tapering 0.25mg every 7 days, can’t go faster I’ll go nuts.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought from your signature that your dose was and has been 3.75 for some time, when did you start tapering again?  If you are tapering .25 every 7 days that sounds like an awfully fast taper, this is what could be causing you so much trouble.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought from your signature that your dose was and has been 3.75 for some time, when did you start tapering again?  If you are tapering .25 every 7 days that sounds like an awfully fast taper, this is what could be causing you so much trouble.

 

I must keep going I get no therapeutic benefits from benzos anymore I was pushed to reinstate back in December on 7.5mg of Ativan. And reinstating did not worked.

I also am tapering Ativan for the last year and a half. I was only on .75 and it has taken me this long to get to 0.179 and my insomnia was horrific, I went for days with no sleep at all, could not even nap during the day, My body just would not let me fall asleep. As soon as I started to micro liquid taper things got some what better, not fast though it took time , now I have on and off nights or weeks.

But things do get better there is not quick fix.... you have to go thru it how ever long it takes.....You can do it .

Lisa

I used to have major sleep issues in my taper and when I first came off, I don’t know how my body survived for so long going through countless nights of no sleep, akathisia where I’d just writhe around in my bed all night in absolute agony. It would feel like poison was coursing through my veins. I remember spending so many nights just trembling in my bed all night long, hours and hours, clutching onto my phone ready to ring for emergency help as I just did not know how I was going to make it through the night. I remember going downstairs to unlock my front door as I thought I would die upstairs and they wouldn’t be able to get in to save me/find me. I remember ringing the Samaritans, 111, anyone who would just listen to me and pass the seconds whilst I was in unbelievable torture in my mind and body. I would hear people screaming in my head, begging me for help, really loud bangs and thuds inside my skull, music, children playing but in like a demonic way where their happy screams would turn dark and demonic, I thought someone was beside me once, I would see huge insects crawling up my curtains, I would see shapes moving across my room, my quilt would move, I would dry heave over and over and over until my eyes were watering, I would research suicide, I would think about my belongings and who would get them, I would ask my mum how to write a will at the age of 26, I couldn’t see a way out apart from death, my brain was totally possessed by the drugs and whatever they had done to me, I have never been so broken and sick in my life. This all started after Benzo’s.

 

I was like you, I wasn’t getting any therapeutic effect from the Benzo and it was actually just totally paradoxical poisoning every part of me. I tried to updose and it made everything even worse. I had no choice but to get off and just try to face whatever happened.

 

Since coming off and going through a horrific acute, I am now (5.5months off) able to sleep 95% of the time (still can’t take naps in the day though, they are toxic). I’m sleeping 9+ hours a night and I don’t writhe around in agony. I still have some rough nights but I am still healing and it’s very early days for me. I actually found it quite traumatic writing that paragraph above as I just don’t like revisiting any time in my withdrawal. It has been so awful and even though I’m not symptom free by any means, I only like to look ahead now. I don’t even like revisiting my taper as I want to leave all that behind now, the constant obsessing about when to cut, how much to cut, how to taper, wil I ever get off, will I end up in hospital, will I end up dead, will I be able to endure this, will the drug kill me, has the drug already killed me, am I in hell...

 

You have to hold on. This doesn’t go on forever and life becomes beautiful again.. I’m not there yet but I’m glad I held on.

 

i have total memory loss everyday worse, cant remember nothing from my life, like I dont have a past.

Colors I see are different I cant see well, I feel like Im going nuts every single day, dreams give me emotions and how I feel through the day, I can’t Shake them off, Im worse with every cut. Still on 3.5mg of Ativan. 😭 Its my 9th time comming off.

akul016,

 

I can only tell you sleep will get better after you get off the benzo and your brain has some time (months) to then heal.  You may need to get some help from a psychologist (non-drug help) to fight overthinking at night.

 

So what to do while you wait for this process (the taper and post healing)?

 

I distracted myself by trying natural sleep helps - all of them worked for at least a few nights.  After each stopped working, I would explore other things. 

 

Sometimes I would combine sleep helps or go back to old ones which used to work.  The point is, I distracted myself and also got "a little better sleep" by using sleep helps.

 

I will just rattle off a few ideas here.  You should distract yourself and explore on your own.  I tried Chamomile tea, Chamomile extract, decaffeinated black tea, very hot baths, Benadryl, Unisom, Melatonin (fast and time released), aspirin, Advil, Tylenol,  Pyridoxal 5’-Phosphate, Zinc, Magnesium Glycinate, L'Theanine, Niacin, youtube meditations, hypnosis, and calm affirmations.

 

I took the smallest bits of these (like only 1/4 an advil or 1/4 the daily recommended value).

 

They all gave me enough distraction (and often a little help) such that I made it.  I got past the taper and past the healing.  I now can get 9 hours of sleep (although it takes me 11 hours in bed) - see my signature for what I current do each night and for emergencies.

 

I feel rather good each day - I get enough sleep now - I can enjoy my days - there is hope.

 

I think you should try some [urlcorante.com/]CBD oil[/url] for this purpose. It is a really good and helpful way to beat it I guess. Maybe you should learn more about it, and try it out. Think about it