Why did you decide to withdraw?

Feeling totally off the wall today.  Decided to start a thread about why people decided to quit their benzo.  My story:  I was on Klon for almost 5 years at 1 mg./day.  My p-doc said "to lower my baseline anxiety level".  Did well on it.  No problems at all.  Perfectly happy with it.  Thought I'd take it indefinitely.

 

Stress was increasing in my life by early 2009.  I'd handled lots of stress before in my life and had had periods of anxiety and depression in the past.  A stint on a SSRI seemed to get me back on track, along with benzos on an as needed basis.  But, this time, after months of dealing with lots of extended-family issues, I was blindsided one night by a panic attack.  First one in the 5 years of being on Klon. 

 

This led to increased anticipatory anxiety and depression in the days after.  In the months that followed, I tried two different SSRIs.  Nothing made me feel better; in fact, I felt worse.  My Klon was gradually increased from 1 to 3 mgs. just to help me sleep.  Didn't help for long.  Tried short trials of Neurontin and Seroquel.  Still felt awful.  It was then I began to suspect my long-term Klonopin use, though it had been uneventful until the panic attack, may be the cause of my feeling so awful for months with nothing bringing relief.  That's when I decided to taper off of it.  Last year at this time.  I'm still at it.  It's a terrible journey.

 

Did your realization that something might be amiss with your benzo use (reaching tolerance) happen suddenly like mine (the panic attack), or was it a gradual deterioration?  Very curious about others' experiences.  Thanks, ~~mbr

On valium 20 mgs a day taken when required.Always tried to reduce.Really weird sensation when reducing.C/t 31st 2009, all hell took over,thought i was dying inside.Stayed the journey too afraid to do anything.Found BB 3 mths into taper.Comfirmed my symptoms.On road to complete recovery.I have look back and relised how much I changed,mentally and physically during my benzo time.

Cath26,  thanks for your response.  Are you pretty much recovered, or do you still have s/x?

Complete breakdown after taking too much too often.

 

 

I needed to get off temporarily so I could get electroconvulsive therapy.  When I found out the benzo alone could cause or worsen depression, I ended up tapering off for good -and never had to have the ECT. 

I needed to get off temporarily so I could get electroconvulsive therapy.  When I found out the benzo alone could cause or worsen depression, I ended up tapering off for good -and never had to have the ECT. 

 

wow  ECT is barbaric.

Tolerance.. was living in a mind fog.

 

Keryn.

I was also full of brain fog and sleeping way too much, feeling depressed, forgot things, very angry but not really (there was nothing behind it I was lashing out which isn't me and I didn't want to add that as a personality trait) and I finally had a seizure, so I figured if I can't function anymore like this I might as well try to get off them.

I needed to get off temporarily so I could get electroconvulsive therapy.  When I found out the benzo alone could cause or worsen depression, I ended up tapering off for good -and never had to have the ECT. 

 

Beeper,

 

I've had ECT once, it's no fun.. I couldn't remember nothing.

I was then sent to a Hospital where I stayed 3 weeks..

I was 16 years old at the time.

 

Keryn.

I needed to get off temporarily so I could get electroconvulsive therapy.  When I found out the benzo alone could cause or worsen depression, I ended up tapering off for good -and never had to have the ECT. 

 

Beeper,

 

I've had ECT once, it's no fun.. I couldn't remember nothing.

I was then sent to a Hospital where I stayed 3 weeks..

I was 16 years old at the time.

 

Keryn.

 

I'm so sorry, Keryn.    I feel like I really dodged a bullet. 

Because I wanted more in just a year's time, and they really weren't helping.

 

The first time, though, it was because I stupidly read a book that said it would be a good idea to get off, and had missed a couple doses without any symptoms, so I thought I was safe. When I had numbness and an anxiety attack two weeks later, it barely even crossed my mind that it could be the drug, but I did start taking it again. But that didn't fix the symptoms.

 

I begged my doctor not to put me back on them, and to give me something else, but he convinced me it was okay. That is the one doctor I have trouble forgiving.

 

Anyways, in the great ice storm of 2009, I was so terrified that I had to take two just to get to sleep. And later, I found myself asking for more drugs. And he had told me that the new increase was as much as I could take. I figured it would be even harder to get off a higher dose, so I tried withdrawing again rather than taking it. But I still went way too quickly.

 

I think my benzo-addled brain was just too blase about it. I can't imagine not being exacting in how I'd withdraw from something in my normal state.