How to get through this

I feel the need to give sort of a pep talk. I have gotten PMs from several people having a hard time getting through this.

Most of us go through a stage when we start to think we have some awful disease causing how bad we feel. This is normal, and just a normal part of benzo wd. We can easily become "Dr Googles", finding something that would explain how bad we feel.

But in the end, 99.9% of the time, it IS "just" benzo wd causing all of your weird symptoms.

 

Acceptance is a difficult concept to get when you still have "benzo brains." Acceptance means slowly understanding that yes, this IS benzo wd, and then you have to learn how to cope with ow bad you feel. I personally had a very difficult time understanding this. When it finally sank in. I knew it was true. I WAS "just in benzo wd." I didn't have some weird disease causing me to feel so bad.

 

I want to tell all of you that this does get better. My God, it did for me, so it sure will for you. Think about my history: I abused benzos for 20 years. The last 12 years I took them they were legally prescribed, but in huge doses.

If you ever watched the TV shows Nurse Jackie, or House, you know my story. I AM Nurse Jackie and House, but MY rug of choice was benzos.

The first time I watched House I started crying. And Nurse Jackie? I cried too. They had my story SO damn right.

Getting off benzos was the hardest thing I ever did. I wish I had known how awful it can be, but I, like you, didn't.

Now you and I do know. And we wont make that mistake again.

You WILL heal from this. If I can, anyone can.

Don't be so afraid of walking into  a new life. In fact, living a better life without benzos feels SO good. I am no longer dependant on a drug to sleep and feel better, it all comes from within myself now.

This was a very long journey for me, and I do not regret it at all. I don't feel "guilty" that I went cold turkey, because I know now it was my ONLY way to break the  vise grip benzos had on me. O had no other way to di it.

Please know that you can always depend on BB to support you, no matter what. We are a strange family of people who never meet face to face, but who depend on each other for support, laughs and guidance.

east

 

Thank you for being so encouraging and inspiring. I needed this today. 

Thanks, east. Still battling to accept this myself, so all-around shocking and terrifying, and it could have been avoided if I had done the research instead of trusting my doctor. But others have survived, and that gives me a glimmer of hope.

East  and all

 

You are right it gets easier and we do survive it gets better so slow but it does.

 

Ezralit

 

I could not have tapered by the time I realized what happened to me I had been off for three months...I was not going back!  You got this!  Please keep us updated.✌️🙏💜💪

B

 

 

Ezralit,

I had to face that too. God help me, I am an RN, and even I didn't know squat about benzos. I just took them blindly all those years. Once I was able to think a tiny bit rationally, I had to start realizing all the mistakes I had made while on benzos, and there was a lot of them. At first I blamed my doctors. But quickly realized that was an utter waste of time. Then for a while I was SO angry and disgusted with myself that I almost gave up. Truthfully, the ONLY reason I didn't reinstate was my utter terror of doctors.

Now I am glad I resisted doing that.

There just is not enough of the truth about benzos out there, so there's not much point in blaming yourself...its something about our society, this avoidance of the truth....I still have not met a physician who seems to know about this stuff. One of my customers is an Addictions Psych doc, and it was obvious he doesn't quite believe my true story. Doctors get this shuttered look on the faces when someone says something they don't agree with. And any time I even mention benzos, he looms like that.

What a long strange trip this has been.

east

How are you supposed to keep going when your on another drug making you worse and all you can do it pace scream and cry while your brain is tormenting you 24/7.

I assume you are thinking the Remeron is affecting you? Can you tell me a bit more about how you feel now, your symptoms, etc.?

I am sure you know that benzo withdrawal can cause symptom that last a very long time. You have been off benzos a tiny bit over a year, right?

Keep talking to me, perf22.

I don't come on BB much now, but always come here in the evenings, and always answer PMs.

Maybe I could somehow help you...? I sure would like to, since I have walked in those shoes.

east

I assume you are thinking the Remeron is affecting you? Can you tell me a bit more about how you feel now, your symptoms, etc.?

I am sure you know that benzo withdrawal can cause symptom that last a very long time. You have been off benzos a tiny bit over a year, right?

Keep talking to me, perf22.

I don't come on BB much now, but always come here in the evenings, and always answer PMs.

Maybe I could somehow help you...? I sure would like to, since I have walked in those shoes.

east

 

Thanks East. I've read your posts. You went through hell but your symptoms were different to mine. You didn't have hyperawareness of thoughts sensorimitor OCD . It's by far the worst symptom of them all. No ability to distract or be in the present moment. I don't know if what I am experiencing lately is being of the remeron or just how benzos recovery is. I feel like my mind is going to shut down. I don't feel connected to my brain or thoughts and I have a vice grip pressure in my brain I didn't have before recently. Feel trapped in my mind. Thoughts constantly racing and worrying jumping from topic to topic. Constantly analyzing what going on and how I feel. Ive tried accepting it but it doesn't help.

perth, this does sound like benzo wd to me.

I have always had great difficulty describing all the weird symptoms I had back then.

If I am understanding you right, I sure did have a super hyperawareness of thought. Racing thoughts, that looped around and around, coupled with this extreme terror of everything. OCD? OMG. I had no idea I had OCD until I got off benzos. I sure do have OCD. Not the handwashing type. My mind grabs ahold of something and I feel I have to repeat doing it, in order to feel okay. During my wd I became OCD about cleaning. I never gave a rat's ass about cleaning before that. And at the time I had to use  walker to get around. Well, how do you clean using a damn walker? Slowly. Painfully slowly.

perth, the best advice I can give you is to distract yourself as much as possible. I already know you are very intelligent, but now is not the time to exercise that part of you. You have to find something to do that gets your mind OFF this stuff. And most likely it will be something really silly. I strung tiny tiny beads for months. One guy unraveled a thick hemp rope for months on end. Yes, I know this sounds lame to you! It did for me too. But this IS what all of us have to do, to get through the utter misery of benzo wd.

By the way, when I went CT off benzos, I also went CT off 2 SSRIs. I will never know what caused what...similar to your dilemma.

Feel free to visit me on my Blog, okay? I would like to stay in touch with you.

east

 

How are you doing S,

 

Thinking of you.  You hang in there it gets better.

 

B

Hi b,

I am good. How are you doing? Are you getting any windows?

 

Ly s

✌️💪💜🙏

I am not good with emoticons, but I think this one says: peace, strength, love, hope or pray? Did I get this right?

 

I had a rather boring day, but at least the weather here in Florida is fine. Right now its 7 pm and its maybe 68 degrees outside. We had high winds for several days, so much so I nearly got blown away! But all the damn oak leaves now litter the sidewalks. My leaf blower isn't battery operated, so its a PIA to find enough electric extensions to deal with 125 feet of sidewalk. Our landlady does not pay anyone to do this stuff. In years past I had bad allergies this time of year, so I am hoping I don't this year.

Annie and Mr Bear