Protracted and Healed

So u had severe insomnia for 5 years then u started to sleep again?

Hi Everyone,

 

I will be posting in more detail. This has been a busy week and I also had oral surgery (dental implant-- I put it off while I was sick because I was in no condition to deal with that.)

 

What Baylissa said is true: Once you make it through to the other side nothing in life will ever really faze you again. I used to have anxiety going to the dentist in general (never mind oral surgery!), but I was relaxed during the procedure.

 

When I encounter situations that used to be anxiety provoking, I now think, "I survived benzo withdrawal. This is a cake walk." And it is. You really do come out of this experience a calmer, more focused, more resilient version of yourself.

 

Hang in there.

 

Jean

Hi Everyone,

 

I will be posting in more detail. This has been a busy week and I also had oral surgery (dental implant-- I put it off while I was sick because I was in no condition to deal with that.)

 

What Baylissa said is true: Once you make it through to the other side nothing in life will ever really faze you again. I used to have anxiety going to the dentist in general (never mind oral surgery!), but I was relaxed during the procedure.

 

When I encounter situations that used to be anxiety provoking, I now think, "I survived benzo withdrawal. This is a cake walk." And it is. You really do come out of this experience a calmer, more focused, more resilient version of yourself.

 

Hang in there.

 

Jean

Thank you for the update. Looking forward to hearing more details about your healing.

Thank you so much for coming back to let us know you are healed...it is so important to all of us to see this.  I am so glad your misery is over.  I appreciate your also relating your symptoms to us....I have had many of these and reading that you had burning skin for a few years has helped me so much...that is a new symptom for me and it is a constant worry.  I am 9.5 years free from Klonopin.and to get this burning skin, starting in 2016 and having it worsen in the last few months after a trauma where my light sensitivity and dizziness and blurry became so much worse has made me a little crazy.  Thank you so much for writing and renewing our hope.

Hoping2bfree

I am intrigued seeing some seriously protracted sufferers coming out of the woodwork.  Your post has been very encouraging to me as well.  I keep thinking I've got it so bad, nobody will ever understand etc...  I don't know, I guess there's a bunch of folks suffering way worse than me.  I'm at 18 months and I am so discouraged that I will never heal.  To continue having these waves at this point is just a serious punch in the gut.  What a violation of life, happiness, existence.  Thanks so much for your encouraging story!!  I hope I get so much better like you did.  I really hope I don't have to wait another 3+ years.  So how many months had you been totally healed before you decided you could post it?  Did you feel you needed at least a year before you would be willing to admit that you were totally better?

Hi! Thanks so much for posting this! Are you in Baylissa's group, I wonder if I would recognize you from there? I am almost 19 months off and function at about 50-60% of my former self which is not bad but not great.  I am so glad to hear you say that what Bay says is true.  I've had awesome windows where I feel pretty normal but they haven't lasted more than a month or two so I am waiting to turn that 100% corner.  Congrats again!!!

I can’t tell you how much I love your success story! Your symptoms was  so similar to mine and you give me so much hope for this one day will end. Thank you for not forgetting us who are still in this horrible experience. :smitten:

 

I’m almost 4 years out benzo... 25 months  out remeron and 16 months out projesterone cream...( menapouse)

My worst symptoms is just like yours severe headache,  pressure, burning squeezing scalp, tinnitus, muscle spasm, left side body pain, depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia, and many more...not functioning for 4 years....never had a full window

But, here and there I see the light now..... I can travel without panic attacks, sleep a little better, I don’t cry every day now with severe pain, and I don’t asking God to take me bc I can’t take the pain anymore. I want to live now and survive!

 

My Question is for you... did you experienced food sensitivities ( glutamates and histamine) and how did fine any relief for  your burning head and scalp pain?

Did you able to take any supplements?

 

Sending my love for you and thank you again for coming back and trying to help us who are still in this hell.

Vica

 

 

I can’t tell you how much I love your success story! Your symptoms was  so similar to mine and you give me so much hope for this one day will end. Thank you for not forgetting us who are still in this horrible experience. :smitten:

 

I’m almost 4 years out benzo... 25 months years out remeron and 16 months out projesterone cream...( menapouse)

My worst symptoms is just like yours severe headache,  pressure, burning squeezing scalp, tinnitus, muscle spasm, left side body pain, depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia, and many more...not functioning for 4 years....never had a full window

But, here and there I see the light now..... I can travel without panic attacks, sleep a little better, I don’t cry every day now with severe pain, and I don’t asking God to take me bc I can’t take the pain anymore. I want to live now and survive!

 

My Question is for you... did you experienced food sensitivities ( glutamates and histamine) and how did fine any relief for  your burning head and scalp pain?

Did you able to take any supplements?

 

Sending my love for you and thank you again for coming back and trying to help us who are still in this hell.

Vica

 

Hi, I hope it's ok that I chim in. I took progesterone cream while I was still on meds but was thinking abiut going back on progesterone. Why did you tapee off it? If I may ask?

Did you use the cream or pill?

I'm only off meds approx 4 months. I've been close to taking my life several times, even recently. I habe no history of mental illness prior to meds.

I'm in pain and anxiety and no joy... I still have no appetite or even thirst reflex.

Anyway, thank you for listening.

I was hoping going back on Progesterone cream might help me. I haven't started back on yet tho.

I can’t tell you how much I love your success story! Your symptoms was  so similar to mine and you give me so much hope for this one day will end. Thank you for not forgetting us who are still in this horrible experience. :smitten:

 

I’m almost 4 years out benzo... 25 months years out remeron and 16 months out projesterone cream...( menapouse)

My worst symptoms is just like yours severe headache,  pressure, burning squeezing scalp, tinnitus, muscle spasm, left side body pain, depression, severe anxiety, severe insomnia, and many more...not functioning for 4 years....never had a full window

But, here and there I see the light now..... I can travel without panic attacks, sleep a little better, I don’t cry every day now with severe pain, and I don’t asking God to take me bc I can’t take the pain anymore. I want to live now and survive!

 

My Question is for you... did you experienced food sensitivities ( glutamates and histamine) and how did fine any relief for  your burning head and scalp pain?

Did you able to take any supplements?

 

Sending my love for you and thank you again for coming back and trying to help us who are still in this hell.

Vica

 

Hi, I hope it's ok that I chim in. I took progesterone cream while I was still on meds but was thinking abiut going back on progesterone. Why did you tapee off it? If I may ask?

Did you use the cream or pill?

I'm only off meds approx 4 months. I've been close to taking my life several times, even recently. I habe no history of mental illness prior to meds.

I'm in pain and anxiety and no joy... I still have no appetite or even thirst reflex.

Anyway, thank you for listening.

I was hoping going back on Progesterone cream might help me. I haven't started back on yet tho.

Hi, SUNNY days, I can tell you only my experience and I would not say to you.. you do this or that. I’m so sorry you hurting so much, I know how you feel but I promise it will get better. Nothing is worked for me only time. No supplements no projesterone cream no CBD nothing. Actually everything made my symptoms worse.

 

Projesterone  cream never work for me. I was in still severe withdrawal from benzo and remeron when my doctor recommended projesterone cream for me ... saying it will help.

 

I was sceptical bc I read so many people said don’t go on it will delay your recovery.... but I still believed doctors and I paying  big time for it.

 

Projesterone cream is a natural benzo acting on same reseptors just like benzo. I truly believe I’m suffering still bc the projesterone cream I used for 1.5 years. Is never helped me. I had so severe anxiety on it and panic attacks I could not function just shaking all day and cry. My head was burning squeezing and severe headache 24/7. And my doctor still pushed me to go higher on the dose. I did and get even worse.

 

That was the time when I said I have to come off this is just making me more sick. The withdrawal from the cream was even worse then benzo or remeron. I believe it made myself and my brain more sick and wanted to die for looong time.

I know is working for some people but  it didn’t  work for me. Actually made it worse.

I’m so sorry you suffering too I know how afoul this can be..

If you need more info  I’m happy to answer any  question. PM

Sending my Hugs

Vica

 

Hi Misty,  A huge congratulations to you; I am so happy you are healed after such a long, grueling journey. Five years is an incredible feat!  I am 20 months off myself and still struggling but slowly improving.  Stories like yours give me the strength to keep going.  Thank you!

Flibberty

Dear Jean/Misty,

 

I can't put into words how grateful I am for your story. I'd gone through a protracted SSRI withdrawal before this (7 years); now benzo withdrawal (22 months out, no real windows). You describe the unspeakable hell much better than I can, at this point.... I feel complete annihilation of my identity. I shall bookmark your story to keep me going.

 

Huge congratulations and respect!

 

May your new life be richly blessed with wellness, peace, love and joy. I do believe Baylissa, that the littlest things will bring more magic than ever before (as yet, I only get rare glimpses of that).... I wish that for you with all my heart.

 

Wildflower

💕

 

Thanks for your story! 

Thanks guys.  Had a bad week last week.  All I had to do was organize my prescriptions that I am getting from # different specialists, a rheumatologist, a primary practice physician, and a gastroenterologist.  These are Lipitor for cholesterol, Prilosec for gastric reflux, and Boniva for Osteoporosis.  I had to put them in the weekly tender because I am 68 and because of Benzo brain my memory is not terrific. I was doing OK, then all of a sudden I had a wave and walked the floor for a whole day when my husband went to the senior center to do some volunteer work. All I needed to do was organize 7 days worth of meds in the little thing Sunday - Saturday organizer with my 3 vitamins.  I paced the floor for days.  I went into panic, because if my husband can no longer help me what happens, assisted living where they measure out your food and cook your meals?  My 45 year old daughter lives 30 minutes away and my son 60 minutes away, but they refuse to give me any support because they blame ME and consid  I am just a suburban grandma who used to work in education.  I always held a job and am a college grad.  In my "other life" I have a MEd degree, I was a school counselor and teacher, always had professional jobs.  my husband is a retired bank executive.  Unfortunately, I tried to dry cut the meds under a doctor's, a psychiatrist's guidance.  This man gave me scripts for TEN YEARS.  I feel like punching him in the face right now.  My husband has become my primary care taker because of the situation.  He is now 72years old and retired.  Instead of enjoying himself, he has to do all the housework, all the grocery shopping, drive me everywhere because I can not safely operate a car any more and I am only 68 years old, call and make my doctor and dentist appointments, cook the meals as I rarely feel good enough to cook.  My adult children are in their 40s and are ashamed of their mother and will give me no help. My daughter will not drive 30 minutes to help me, my son is to busy to make a one hour trip to help me, but the stadium where the Buffalo Bills play is every Sunday is a 60 minute drive as well and he finds time for that.  I live near the stadium.  Football is more important than his mother.  On top of that, our Fucking football team really sucks anyways.  So that is that.  They are ashamed of me.  They consider me a crazy addict because my poor husband, who is not their natural dad, my second husband, had to call the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital having psychotic symptoms.  Oh well, that's life I guess. 

THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH, Misty!!! :smitten: :smitten:

 

At 6 years off, this is so grueling. I have thought of death almost every single day. But you've given me much hope that this will end someday and that I will truly regain my sense of self that's been so absent during the benzo mess.

 

Bless you for coming back and giving us all hope!!! :thumbsup: :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

 

At 6 years off, this is so grueling. I have thought of death almost every single day. But you've given me much hope that this will end someday and that I will truly regain my sense of self that's been so absent during the benzo mess.

 

 

Terry, sending you strength and a warm hug! 💕

Oh, that's very sweet of you, Wildflower!! THANK YOU!! And the very same to you!! :hug:

A breath of fresh air...this Success Story is so reassuring.

Congrats, Jean.

I've heard from a number of people since I posted in Success Stories--I've exchanged private messages, texted, and talked on the phone with some of you. You all have to hang on and take this one day, one hour, one minute at a time. You will get there, but there is no shortcut. This is a complex process, and your body needs to take the time to do what it has to in order to heal.

 

I never thought I would heal, I was SO sick. I thought about ending my life. I kept telling my husband I had "erased myself" and that I had "lost everything." But I hadn't erased myself and I didn't lose anything.  *I* was just dormant, hiding while my body was healing.

 

Now that I'm healed, I have an even better perspective on life than before I got sick: I'm more calm, focused, grateful--and just so DAMN happy to be alive and enjoying life, especially the small everyday moments. A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a woman at the cash register at Trader Joe's and asking her about working there. She said they like to hire people who are upbeat, energetic, happy. Then she said, "You seem happy." And I thought, I AM! (Prior to benzo withdrawal, I would have been described as thoughtful, intense, serious, but not happy.) It was truly one of the best compliments I have ever received.

 

I'm in touch with several people at the moment who are in withdrawal--all desperate, all fearful that they will never heal, never get their sense of self back. I see myself in their tortured thoughts and tearful eyes. I encourage people to read my old posts to see how sick I was, how destroyed I felt, and know that I am not that person now. My tag line was "Want to Be Me Again." Well, I AM me again, but also the BEST version of me I've ever been. People who had been through benzo withdrawal told me this while I was sick: that this is not wasted time, and that you come out a better version of yourself. I didn't believe it then, but now I have lived it and call tell everyone still suffering that it is true.

 

Hang on, everyone, you will get there!

Thank you, Misty, for your kind words of encouragement! I am happy to hear you feel so much better now, and grateful that you took the time to think of us. It is still so very hard, and the road ahead so very long. But, you give us a glimmer of hope!

 

Enjoy the rest of your benzo-free life!

Hi misty,

 

I was reading some of your old posts and it seemed like all of a sudden u stoppped posting after the 16th mark-ish. If things still continued to be bad over the next couple of years, how did u manage to not come onto this forum anymore? I guess what I’m asking is, did u acquire other coping mechanisms so that u didn’t have to visit here anymore in order to gain support or reassurance so that u didn’t take your life? Did symptoms gradually improve after that time frame or did they stay bad and u just found other ways to fill up time?

 

Everyday is Groundhog Day for me I can’t imagine not coming on here and filling my brain up with success stories or posting or venting or knowing I’m not the only one still in this unimaginable hell. I’m a year off.

Thank you Misty.  Especially helpful to hear that the burning finally went away after over two years.  I still have burning.  I completed my valium taper a few months ago.  Now tapering gabapentin and it is like a milder version of Benzo withdrawal.  I am on yet another drug for the burning.  Thank you for coming back to encourage us.

 

So happy for your healing Misty! Your story will inspire many in the same situation. They may not all be able to respond initially, but like you I was in a place where I was wanting to die...small things like a success story can give someone one more moment, hour, day to keep going. God bless you! You deserve a great life❤

 

B strong

i am so mentally unwell. i just feel like running away. not the mom i wanted to be. not sure who i am anymore. i let my men down

Thank you, Misty.  Reading your success encourages me to keep going.  Sometimes, as you know, it is so hard to believe this is still going on.  Wishing you lots of love and joy for your life.  😘

Thank God for Misty.

 

    Misty, I soo very much needed to hear this today.  I'm at 1.5 mgs and it's been difficult to say the least.  Then I read about a person who said he is 40+ months in protracted and still no relief.  That hit me hard at this time when I'm really hurting, no sleep, etc.

 

    Out of desperation I looked at the success stories and found yours.  Really helped me immensely to have hope.  Thank you a million thanks!