18 Months Off and Picking Up the Pieces

It has been 18 months since my last Valium dose after ten years of use. 18 months ago I would not recognize myself as I am now.

 

I left my toxic job and found another, better one.

I left my unhappy marriage.

I moved three times and now live on my own in a new city.

I reconnected with my family.

I cultivated rich friendships with people who are a good influence on me.

I am writing again!

I found a good therapist and I'm learning to manage my PTSD.

I walk daily and practice yoga three times a week.

I joined two book clubs and journal every morning.

I am praying again.

I hum in the mornings.

I cry and laugh and hold a conversation.

I can listen to music and enjoy it.

I can read a map and drive a car and remember my phone number.

 

The list goes on and on...I have my life and my mind back! This is not a success story yet. While the experience of withdrawal is behind me, ten years is a long time to not take care of myself or show up to my life. I have a lot of pieces to pick up, and that will take as long as it takes. I'm working through a lot of regret and fear while I learn how to be a part of this world again (ever). I have every reason to believe that I will continue to improve and recover.

 

I am proud of myself, and I'm grateful to share that here with others who understand just how much courage this can take.

Congratulations on all the courageous changes you have made in your life.  It is very inspirational to hear about your transformation. 

 

I can see that you are a writer and I'm so glad you have reconnected to that place within yourself. 

 

Thank you for stopping by and giving an update, it gives me hope.

 

 

Wow Gwinna, I am proud of you too!!  You have made some major life changes in a short period of time while dealing with this neuro injury.  Amazing.  I look forward to your success story.  There are so many shattered pieces to pick up...it is going to take me some more time.  Do you have a blog?  I would like to hear how you have managed to move your life forward.

All such positive things, Gwinna!!! You have made many changes and are truly taking the steps to live the best life you can! Way to go! Wishing you continued healing and happiness🌞❤!

Hi Gwinna. Congrats!

 

Were you taking Zoloft prior or during/after your benzo? I'm current trying to get off the stuff and finding the taper difficult.

Congratulations! Keep going and your life will only just get better! It’s inspiring.

Thanks for the responses, everyone. 

 

DoveLuv, I do have a blog - the link is in my signature. I've been on Bb since the start of this journey in April 2018, so I'm sure I have quite a post history too. (I'm too chicken to go back and read it yet.)

 

Restoration123, I've been on and off Zoloft a few times over the years. It made me feel very emotionally numb, but no less depressed. I never had any trouble getting off of it, but plenty of other people have. I tapered Wellbutrin in the middle of my Valium taper because it was making my anxiety even worse and the lower my Valium dose got, the more unbearable it became. Thankfully, I didn't have any trouble stopping WB. I'm off all psych drugs now since stopping Valium. (I do have a medical cannabis strain that serves me well.)

 

I'm glad others are taking hope from my progress. Hang in there everybody. Eventually, this does end.

Gwinna, I would like to get to know you better. You strike me s  survivor.

 

Your PTSD: what was the cause of this?  For me it was benzo wd. You??? What things in your life now give you peace and calm? For me, my wonderful 3 year old rescue cat, Bear. He chose me, and he was so right.

 

I had to laugh, reading that you can now remember your phone number. That happened for me too. Benzo wd has to be one of the weirdest things one can go through, and the shame of it all is we get NO recognition from our doctors. Only here on BB do you feel validated.

I wish I knew why this is so.

east

Gwinna, I would like to get to know you better. You strike me s  survivor.

 

Your PTSD: what was the cause of this?  For me it was benzo wd. You??? What things in your life now give you peace and calm? For me, my wonderful 3 year old rescue cat, Bear. He chose me, and he was so right.

 

I had to laugh, reading that you can now remember your phone number. That happened for me too. Benzo wd has to be one of the weirdest things one can go through, and the shame of it all is we get NO recognition from our doctors. Only here on BB do you feel validated.

I wish I knew why this is so.

east

 

Hi there eastcoast62,

 

My PTSD is the result of multiple traumas from childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. I was not well before I started taking Valium, and I have come to think about my recovery as not just from withdrawal, or even from the long-term benzo use, but from trauma. I was pretty checked out - and cognitively impaired - for most of my life.

 

I was incredibly fortunate to have a doctor and a support network of people who believed me about what I was experiencing. I don't know how I would have made it through otherwise. You are incredibly strong!

 

What things in my life now give me peace of mind and calm? Nature. Yoga. Reading. Writing. Photography. I'm glad you have Bear in your life. When I finish getting my life together financially, I'm going to get myself a puppy!