Something very interesting (and positive) happened today

Hello everyone!

I have something to share with you today because what happened today was something that I couldn't imagine I would ever feel again.

I'm your average Joe (Tim) experiencing your average mental issues from my benzo use - insomnia, feeling of impending doom, fear of death (or should I say terrifying horror that is the thought of death), intrusive negative unwanted thoughts, derealization and more ...

 

For the past couple of weeks, I've been having a battle with the fact that I'm gonna die one day.

I was never really that scared of that fact before, but ever since I started taking benzos, I for whatever reason developed this absolute crushing fear of death (to the point where I'm losing sleep because I don't want to be unconscious).

 

Well, something had happened today. This morning at roughly 9am while listening to some songs at work, literally within 5 seconds, I could feel all the anxiety, all the fear and feeling of impending doom disappear. It was like a snap of the fingers and out of nowhere. I can't even describe the feeling. At that moment, everything was OK .. just OK as it should be. I was back! Whatever that means, I felt like me! That feeling was very familiar and one that I haven't felt in so many months. I looked out the window, and .. I was at peace. Like a deep sense of peace at a cellular level (if that makes sense). The craziest thing was, I actually welcomed the fact that I will die one day. No matter what happens, I will go back home (be it some kind of afterlife or infinite void.)

 

If it happened at home instead of work with 30 coworkers, I would probably break out crying in the most comforting and peaceful cry that I've had these past few years.

Anyway, this feeling lasted about 20 minutes, before it slowly began to fade away. As naturally as it came, it also disappeared. If this is how I'll feel when all this benzo WD's settle down, oh boy am I looking forward to that day! 

 

Some info: 4-5 months of use (0.5 - 2mg klonopin). Jumped October 2019.

 

These are windows.

Thank you, BuddyTim. So happy for your window.  May it open again, wider and wider, until you can walk out into the sunshine for good.  Flibberty

Fabulous news!

It's a sure sign your brain is healing!

Stick to that beautiful window and hold on tight for more and wider windows until it stays open forever!

 

 

What a nice post to wake up to.. -I think a bit rubbed off across the cosmos..!!

 

I absolutely love reading these types of stories, it gives me hope that my sister will come out of this hell. I know I don't know you personally but I just need to say I am so proud of you for sticking with it and fighting through. I have been seeing first hand how this evil drug ruins things in peoples lives and how it takes so much from a person physically and mentally. My sister is struggling through this right now, she was off of Klonopin in November ( Never abused it, in fact took less than prescribed, was on for 6 months) then she was kindled again in December and since then she has been free of all medications. Only taking her thyroid meds and supplements. But she is going through a fear that is so deep and so damaging that she is a shell of who she used to be. If you would've met her before you would meet a very independent, strong, hard working, beautiful, well rounded health nut that thought drs were quacks. haha. She was always all about natural medicine and keeping her body healthy. Until she was diagnosed with hashimotos thyroid disease. The drs convinced her that the best course of action was to remove her entire thyroid, which we now know was not necessary. That caused her hormones to spiral out of control causing her extreme panic attacks to the point of not sleeping for days at a time. That is when they prescribed her the Benzo and here we are today. My sister was the person that would tell you to toughen up and get through it if you weren't feeling good. She was strong, and now she can't see her own strength anymore. I see it and tell her all the time that she is strong and I am proud of her. But she is not the same woman she used to be, but I won't ever stop fighting until I see that amazing woman standing before me again. That said I am truly proud of you for fighting your way through this, you may not know it but you are giving hope and healing to others by sharing your story and I am so grateful for that. I hope you continue to have windows that get longer and longer and one day it just stays. You are doing great! keep up the good work!

I absolutely love reading these types of stories, it gives me hope that my sister will come out of this hell. I know I don't know you personally but I just need to say I am so proud of you for sticking with it and fighting through. I have been seeing first hand how this evil drug ruins things in peoples lives and how it takes so much from a person physically and mentally. My sister is struggling through this right now, she was off of Klonopin in November ( Never abused it, in fact took less than prescribed, was on for 6 months) then she was kindled again in December and since then she has been free of all medications. Only taking her thyroid meds and supplements. But she is going through a fear that is so deep and so damaging that she is a shell of who she used to be. If you would've met her before you would meet a very independent, strong, hard working, beautiful, well rounded health nut that thought drs were quacks. haha. She was always all about natural medicine and keeping her body healthy. Until she was diagnosed with hashimotos thyroid disease. The drs convinced her that the best course of action was to remove her entire thyroid, which we now know was not necessary. That caused her hormones to spiral out of control causing her extreme panic attacks to the point of not sleeping for days at a time. That is when they prescribed her the Benzo and here we are today. My sister was the person that would tell you to toughen up and get through it if you weren't feeling good. She was strong, and now she can't see her own strength anymore. I see it and tell her all the time that she is strong and I am proud of her. But she is not the same woman she used to be, but I won't ever stop fighting until I see that amazing woman standing before me again. That said I am truly proud of you for fighting your way through this, you may not know it but you are giving hope and healing to others by sharing your story and I am so grateful for that. I hope you continue to have windows that get longer and longer and one day it just stays. You are doing great! keep up the good work!

oh how lucky your sister is! !!! You have to know you are her angel who will save her life !!!  You have to know this is an inhuman ordeal ,you can not imagine the depth of suffering of this touture!!! No one can until he go through this!!! 

I am a success story , and I will write my success story soon, I AM LIVING MY LIFE FULLY . I am the best version of me after this ordeal . No PTSD . I am living fully this second opportunity of life . I never thought I will be me again, I thought this will leave brain damage , but no . I am strongest than before, I love life more.

Stay by her side !!! You are saving a life ! She is so lucky !!

Hugs

Thank you!

 

Great you've had that pleasant window...they will became more frequent each day!!

My blessings

So happy for your window! Praying you’ll have more of these windows coming soon!

 

Blessings!

Pi

congrats on the window.  ive experienced and do experience all the symptoms you do esp. the thing about death/dying.  When those windows hit i like to take a deep breath and just enjoy it.  As you probably know, it won't last so be prepared for the inevitable wave.  Maybe you'll get lucky who knows.  Best of luck man.

Thank you for sharing Tim!  I love the term "window" for what your experienced :-)  You got a glimpse of seeing things clearly instead dwelling in the fog of the angst, worry, despair, etc, etc.  So wonderful ...

 

Hello everyone!

I have something to share with you today because what happened today was something that I couldn't imagine I would ever feel again.

I'm your average Joe (Tim) experiencing your average mental issues from my benzo use - insomnia, feeling of impending doom, fear of death (or should I say terrifying horror that is the thought of death), intrusive negative unwanted thoughts, derealization and more ...

 

For the past couple of weeks, I've been having a battle with the fact that I'm gonna die one day.

I was never really that scared of that fact before, but ever since I started taking benzos, I for whatever reason developed this absolute crushing fear of death (to the point where I'm losing sleep because I don't want to be unconscious).

 

Well, something had happened today. This morning at roughly 9am while listening to some songs at work, literally within 5 seconds, I could feel all the anxiety, all the fear and feeling of impending doom disappear. It was like a snap of the fingers and out of nowhere. I can't even describe the feeling. At that moment, everything was OK .. just OK as it should be. I was back! Whatever that means, I felt like me! That feeling was very familiar and one that I haven't felt in so many months. I looked out the window, and .. I was at peace. Like a deep sense of peace at a cellular level (if that makes sense). The craziest thing was, I actually welcomed the fact that I will die one day. No matter what happens, I will go back home (be it some kind of afterlife or infinite void.)

 

If it happened at home instead of work with 30 coworkers, I would probably break out crying in the most comforting and peaceful cry that I've had these past few years.

Anyway, this feeling lasted about 20 minutes, before it slowly began to fade away. As naturally as it came, it also disappeared. If this is how I'll feel when all this benzo WD's settle down, oh boy am I looking forward to that day! 

 

Some info: 4-5 months of use (0.5 - 2mg klonopin). Jumped October 2019.

Thank you for sharing.