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SAID "NO" TO A NEGATIVE RELATIVE TODAY ... taking care of myself! Anyone relate?


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Boy howdy, this taper thing is changing my perspective on a quite a few things.  I am not beating myself up here but I am starting to see how taking a benzo gave me "permission" to do things that were not in my best interest.  I would push myself a little harder, then get tired/anxious and take pill, avoid taking care of myself and then get over-wrought and take a pill, say "YES" to something I really wanted to say "NO to and then get anxious and take a pill ... on and on it went.  Years of bad habits.

 

So, today a family member who has taken advantage of me for years (and yes, I have permitted it, am an equal partner in this unhealthy song and dance we've been at) asked me come to their house and do to something for them and I said, "No, I am staying home today".  No apologies, no made-up excuses ... just NO, I am doing what I want to do today.  Not easy but once I did it, I felt great.

 

I don't feel I have the luxury of overlooking self-care now and BB friends, that is a very good thing.  ;)  I am keeping my commitments and not avoiding things but I am also looking at what I need to give the heave-ho to, what is no longer/never did work in my life.  If anyone has had the same experience during/after taper, I would love to hear about it!

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I am currently in a long hold but am definitely drawing more lines in the sand with what I am willing to do. I have been the primary "go to" for my parents' health issues for more than a decade. My sisters help very little. I am done with this. I will do what I can when I can but am not going above and beyond anymore. I have had a lot on my plate personally and my siblings should be ashamed of themselves for their behavior.

 

I do think self care is so important. I am back in therapy to try to manage my relationships now so that I can maintain a healthy distance.

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Dang Kate, you're amazing, good for you!  I could so relate to your comments about what we did while taking the pill, I was doing the dating thing while I was taking Klonopin and it allowed me to put myself in situations I would never have been in had I not taken it.  I don't think much about those times now but they were there full force when I was in withdrawals since those negative thoughts and feelings are a constant companion.

 

I see so much wisdom in your words though, we used the pill to go around our instinct to say no, it sounds like you've made a great start in how to live the rest of your life. 

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Thank you for your replies NJstrength and Pamster.  I just knew someone out there might be able to relate!  Heaven knows changing is not easy but it is essential if I am going to move forward.  Self-honesty is so humbling but that is essential, too, at least for me.  Who knows where this taper thing is going to lead??  But I think my mind is already starting to clear up and I am thinking better/seeing reality more clearly than I have in a very long time.    :thumbsup:
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I am in a similar situation. Maybe since I read people here, or maybe since my tapering that makes me see more clear (or practical) daily situations, or both (Reading BB and tapering) I don´t stand no more toxic people. I learned to say NO. Seems that nobody understands my situation and... who wants to listen about problems, pains, etc etc all the time? I undestand that, so I just say NO, with no excuses, they will not undestand, and I don´t want to explain it all the time. Congratulations!  You`ll get healthier avoiding that kind of people and sorry for my English :)

 

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[6a...]
Thanks Leo51!  Way to go on taking care of yourself.  We are learning new, better ways of living through this process and that is a very good thing.  :thumbsup:
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Thanks Kate08!  I realized that all of us had problems in our daily life… as people not on benzos too… and we wanted to solve them taking more benzo… feeling better for a while… but now we know that we have to face the problems not taking more pills!  Last week I had a serious problem with my relatives… my first thought inmediatly was to take the benzo pill, but I resisted and nothing wrong happened!  Best wishes  :)
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