Starting to Stop

I originally wrote an epic post that was five paragraphs long before it got to the details, but then I realized I was just avoiding admitting my situation.

 

I've been on benzos and antidepressants for the last 15 or so years; in that time, there have only been a few weeks when I wasn't on something. I've been on clonazepam the whole time, and currently take half of a .5mg pill a day. Depending on how I feel, I might add another .25 or .5mg, and/or 1mg of lorazepam. I'm on Effexor and Wellbutrin as well, and have been on them for about three years.

 

A few weeks ago I noticed my pills (the benzos) were running out, but I couldn't get an appointment with my GP until the end of October. I figured I would just take as few pills as possible, so I went down to .25mg of clonazepam every 2 or 3 days (sometimes with lorazepam in place of the clonazepam). I've known for a long time that I'm psychologically dependent on benzos, but when I cut down my dose I realized I'm physically dependent as well. It took me a while to clue in, though; for the last few weeks, I've been looking up various ailments trying to figure out what could cause a constant migraine, flu symptoms, nausea, etc.. Eventually, I realized that the only thing that's changed in the last while has been the benzos, and that's when I started looking for information on withdrawal and its symptoms.

 

If I go into my diagnoses and prescriptions from the last decade, this will become an epic post again, so I'll just say that my main issue is dysthymia, along with agoraphobia related to a specific phobia. There's some OCD on top of that, along with general anxiety, and I see a psychiatrist every two weeks for talk therapy. The psychiatrist monitors my antidepressants, and my GP prescribes the benzos. Both doctors know what the other is prescribing.

 

I know that I need to get off the benzos, but I honestly can't imagine not having the option of taking them.

I can handle the psychological addiction - it's not something I feel good about, but it's something I can hide. The physical symptoms, though, are a different story - there have been days where I haven't been able to go to work, and I've been in pain for weeks.

 

I haven't developed a tapering regime, since it's only in the last few hours that I actually clued into what was happening. I'm hoping to take .25mg of clonazepam every two days rather than daily, but I know it will depend on how I feel. I'll be seeing my therapist in a week, and I know I need to tell her about this. Still, I'm finding the idea terrifying, and I don't feel ready to stop. I've been on these drugs for almost half my life, and thinking about not having them makes me feel entirely lost.

 

Despite all of that, I feel some sense of promise knowing what my problem (well, one of them, anyway) is, and knowing that there are people who are dealing with the same thing. I've always wished I could find more success stories about people suffering from depression, but knowing that people have been successful conquering the other major cloud in my life does give me hope.

 

If I'm asking for one thing in this increasingly long post, I think it's this - how do you get past the fear, to the point that you're ready to stop? And how do you reconcile addiction in one area with the fact that you may have to take other medications? I don't drink or smoke or take non-prescription drugs - ironically, I don't do those things because I don't like the physical effects, and I didn't want to get addicted.

 

I'll end this here, without re-reading it. There are probably typos, but if I go back I might hit delete, so instead I'll just hit post.

Hello rhp,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies.

 

We find that members whose dose is dependent upon how they feel that day, struggle more a with taper. Without some sense of what you should be taking, your dose is likely to continue to bounce around. I suggest that you take a dose somewhere around your average, and take this daily for at least a week. Then, you might start your taper.

 

Do you have enough pills to do this? If not, can you obtain even a small prescription, or a prescription from another doctor. Obviously, you must avoid running out of pills.

 

Count up the number of pills (include pill dosage) of each benzodiazepine, and the dose you intend to take each day, and we will try to to help work out a schedule based upon how many pills you have. What date is you appointment with your doctor?

 

Please try to stop dwelling upon "how do you reconcile addiction in one area with the fact that you may have to take other medications". Different medications taken for different reasons, with different side effects - don't put them all onto one basket.

 

I have seen many members in a similar position to you, and they, almost to a person, benefit hugely by taking control of their dose - they stop dosing erratically. Once you have done this, you should find tapering your dose much more manageable.

Hi rhp and welcome to BB.  You'll find lots of support and encouragement here.

 

If you find that you are already experiencing withdrawal symptoms, then erratic dosing will more than likely make you feel worse and can lead to an increase in symptoms, which might then lead you to an increase in the benzo.

 

It would be best if you could follow Colin's suggestion to find your average dose, take it for at least a week, then start your taper.  We generally recommend a reduction of 10% every 1-2 weeks.

 

You mentioned you could not see your GP until the end of October.  Is there a chance they could get you in sooner or you could find another doctor?

 

Please don't hesitate to ask questons- we're here to help.

 

 

Hi,

 

I'm seeing my psychiatrist a week from today (on October 6), and she can prescribe medication in place of my GP.

I have 4 x .5mg of clonazepam until next Monday, and 11 x 1mg of Ativan. I'll try half a clonzepam and an Ativan a day for the next week. I'm wondering how tapering works with smaller doses - .5mg of clonazepam can only be broken in half a couple of times before it falls apart, and the Ativan is sublingual.

 

Thanks for your help and suggestions.

The majority of people manage to taper by quartering 0.5mg Klonopin pills. If you need to make smaller cuts, you can titrate (make a liquid with your pills). If you need to do this, we will help you.

Hi rhp,

 

Welcome to BB 

 

I look forward to seeing you around the forum.

Welcome to bb. Glad you found your way here and you will get lots of help and support.

How are you doing today?

RHP,

 

Welcome to BB.

You will find a lot of informative info. here.

 

Keryn.

Hi,

 

Today's good - no headache for the first time in weeks, and I went to the gym for the first time in years.

I'm so glad to have found such a great resource - I'll be much more prepared when I see my doctor next week.

 

Thanks for all the support.

Hi,

 

Today's good - no headache for the first time in weeks, and I went to the gym for the first time in years.

I'm so glad to have found such a great resource - I'll be much more prepared when I see my doctor next week.

 

Thanks for all the support.

 

rhp,

 

Are you taking the Ativan and Klonopin together, or sticking to one?

Just curious as this would help us give you more information.

 

Keryn.

Welcome to Benzobuddies RHP. 

No worries if you choose to delete something or edit your post here.  This is an easy place to find support for whatever you wish to share,

 

Best wishes,

 

Vertigo (no more)

Hello Rhp,

 

Welcome to BenzoBuddies! I am happy you found us. It is great to see you have not had a headache for the first time in weeks and that you were able to go to the gym. That is wonderful.

 

How are you feeling today?

 

Summer

rhp,  sorry to hear you are having so much trouble with meds.  Benzo's are certainly a drug that can turn your life into an unbelievable mess.

It's a shame that the benzo the docs prescribe for anxiety , or panic , or sleep soon become the problem rather than the cure.

Like Colin indicates you need a starting point so try to take the same amount of the benzo for a week or so then start a programmed reduction from there. 

The good news is the amount of the benzo you are taking is not an excessive amount to come off of.  If you read many of the posts here , you will find a number of buddies that were in the 1 to 5 mg. range when they started reduction.

We all  know exactly how you feel and are all willing to support you thru  this.

st

rhp,

 

Are you taking the Ativan and Klonopin together, or sticking to one?

Just curious as this would help us give you more information.

 

Keryn.

 

Hi,

 

I've usually taken the Ativan 1-2 times a week, and the Klonopin every day. I've been taking .25mg of Klonopin for the last week; before that, I would take a half or a whole .5mg tablet about once a day. I'm not entirely sure what my "regular" dose is - I've much more irritable on the .25mg of Klonopin than on .5, so I may be more used to .5mg.

 

I'm feeling much better physically than I was a week ago; mentally, I'm kind of frazzled, but not in a severe or worrisome way.

The good part about having been on so many medications in the last 15 years is that I've come off of many of them; I know how hard it can be, but I also know it's possible and that I've done it before. (I should probably write that on a post-it and stick it somewhere that I'll see every day, because we tend to forget those things).

Hello Rhp,

 

So, is the plan to stabilize at .5mg of Klonopin and then do a taper from there? I am happy to see you have confidence about doing a taper from Klonopin due to your success from tapering from other medications. I have done the same as well. I was prescribed Lunesta for 2 years and tapered that while I held steady on the Klonopin. I did gain a great deal of confidence from that experience.

 

We are here for you. Let us know how we can help.

 

Summer

rhp,

 

Are you taking the Ativan and Klonopin together, or sticking to one?

Just curious as this would help us give you more information.

 

Keryn.

 

Hi,

 

I've usually taken the Ativan 1-2 times a week, and the Klonopin every day. I've been taking .25mg of Klonopin for the last week; before that, I would take a half or a whole .5mg tablet about once a day. I'm not entirely sure what my "regular" dose is - I've much more irritable on the .25mg of Klonopin than on .5, so I may be more used to .5mg.

 

I'm feeling much better physically than I was a week ago; mentally, I'm kind of frazzled, but not in a severe or worrisome way.

The good part about having been on so many medications in the last 15 years is that I've come off of many of them; I know how hard it can be, but I also know it's possible and that I've done it before. (I should probably write that on a post-it and stick it somewhere that I'll see every day, because we tend to forget those things).

 

rhp,

 

In order to taper, you need to stabilize on one or the other.

I'm not entirely sure what my "regular" dose is - I've much more irritable on the .25mg of Klonopin than on .5, so I may be more used to .5mg.

 

Ativan has a very sort half-life, Klonopin has a longer half-life, I think you need to stabilize on the Klonopin, if you want to taper..because Ativan would give you Inter-dose w/d, Inter-dose w/d is where you have withdrawal (w/d) in-between doses..as you taper.

Half-life-

Clonazepam

(Klonopin, Rivotril)

18-50 @ 0.5mg

compared to-

Lorazepam

(Ativan, Temesta, Tavor)

10-20 @ 1mg

 

What do you think?

 

Keryn.

 

 

Stabilizing on the clonazepam first makes sense, and I think .5mg per day is the place to start.

Since I've never taken the Ativan daily, and it's a 1mg sublingual pill, I'm not sure how tapering it will work.

I've been on clonazepam much longer, so keeping that steady while reducing the Ativan seems to make the most sense.