Author Topic: Devastated and anxious  (Read 2077 times)

[Buddie]

Devastated and anxious
« on: September 26, 2010, 06:37:46 am »
I live alone and it is horrible for me, I need all the contact I can get atm. Only person with steady contact is my mom who lives next door. I was having terrible anxiety yesterday about this and decided to go talk to my mom about it. Instead of listening to me, she changed the subject constantly, I started getting angry and we had the biggest fight. She criticized me, told me to live out on the street if I cant live alone in my apartment, once I hit her arm because she kept going at me, and even then she didnt stop. Kept on with cynical remarks and critical attacks. Then she said she could come over and "baby-sit" for me and that was it, I got up and left. She did nothing but degrade and put me down. We have been estranged before and I now again I/we dont want contact. Which means absolutely NO contact and isolation.
I was so upset I wound up taking an extra dose to calm me down, had sui thoughts too.

How can I continue with withdrawal like this? I dont think I will make it without any human contact and positive days in between.

[...]
« Last Edit: September 26, 2010, 06:48:55 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #1 on: September 26, 2010, 04:22:51 pm »
[...] -   :therethere:

I'm so sorry your mom was so mean to you yesterday.  Most people who have not been through it haven't a clue about how hard this process of w/d can be.

It sounds like you will need to find a way to have some face to face contact with people, maybe by volunteering somewhere?  If you do it on your terms (your choice of place and time, etc.), I know you can do it. Don't settle for being isolated or dependent on your mom.  You are strong enough to make new choices that will improve your quality of life. 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #2 on: September 26, 2010, 05:28:20 pm »
Hi [...],

  I am very sorry things are not going well between you and your Mom.  :(

  Now that my children are all in school, I am here by myself until they get home from school and my husband gets home from work. (Sometimes I LIKE THIS!!  ;D)

  My "human contact" comes from either calling someone on the phone or talking through the internet.  :phone:

  This site has become my FAVORITE for communicating with others. 

  Everyone COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS what you are going through here, and there are some REALLY TERRIFIC people here to befriend!  :highfive:

  Aside from asking questions concerning your own needs, it is nice to read others questions and offer YOUR OWN advice or support.

  Even if you are feeling poorly, you may not realize that you probably still have found something that helps you with this or that symptom, or even a coping skill, and you could offer this helpful advice to someone else.

  We ALL NEED EACHOTHER!  :hug:

  There is always someone online to communicate with, who is, or has been in the same "benzo boat" that we are in.

  Get busy on this site and you will see, your mind will stay active thinking, communicating, helping, and receiving help yourself.

 Our wonderful Buddies on this site REALLY help me through day by day!  :thumbsup:

  My Very Best to you Buddie,  :mybuddy:

  [...]  :)

 
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Lizzie
« Reply #3 on: September 26, 2010, 07:57:59 pm »
I'm really sorry you had this horrible experience today.

I think the posts above give really goood advice and there is nothing left for me to say.

I just wanted to come on this thread to show I am there if you need me, and to say, the worst thing, I think we can do, is to try to anticipate the rest of our withdrawal. It opens the floodgates for fearsome thoughts to come through.

For instance, I know I have bad anxiety and depression, but I dont know if it has worsened since I was on 15mg or not.
At 15mg, I guess, that if I had tried to project how I would feel when on 8mg, I would have had allsorts of terrible thoughts.

Did you give any more thought to working with cats? I think that would be very theraputic for you.

lots of love
J
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Lizzie
« Reply #4 on: September 28, 2010, 05:09:35 am »
I just wanted to come on this thread to show I am there if you need me, and to say, the worst thing, I think we can do, is to try to anticipate the rest of our withdrawal. It opens the floodgates for fearsome thoughts to come through./quote]

Thanks J, I know I can count on you and really appreciate you being there for me  :smitten: I havent had any anxiety in these last days, and been a real relief! All the more I am disappointed with my mom being so harsch, she can be so utterly hard hearted. The anxiety was from w/d and my fear of living alone and I was hoping to be able to talk to her and get some advice on how to cope better with being alone.

Cant talk to her about ANY kind of problems. Either because she never knew what problems are because she never had any. She loves being alone. And she hates other women, I know from often hearing her put other women down. And now it was my turn.

Elke
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #5 on: September 29, 2010, 07:34:19 pm »
[...] -   :therethere:

I'm so sorry your mom was so mean to you yesterday.  Most people who have not been through it haven't a clue about how hard this process of w/d can be.

It sounds like you will need to find a way to have some face to face contact with people, maybe by volunteering somewhere?  If you do it on your terms (your choice of place and time, etc.), I know you can do it. Don't settle for being isolated or dependent on your mom.  You are strong enough to make new choices that will improve your quality of life. 

Well, I did another reduction and though my anxiety is gone its returned again today. I dont think its a good time to begin trying to make new contacts, just wish the ones I have who always promise they will call would actually be reliable enough to call, which they dont.

Otherwise my mom has asked me for forgivenss and to forget about what happened. I think she was scared because she had an operation  on her eyes yesterday and knew she would need my help. I still feel the hurt she caused, but couldnt let her down. To top it off the operation went bad and now she is worse off than before. I ran around with her to doctors today and it was very stressful for me since I cut again yesterday. I had headaches all day, nervous jerking of my head, and was totally exhausted. So it wasnt me she was "kicking" at today, it was the female doctor she was making fun of behind their back. Ill never figure my mom out.
I cant stick to my values of being treated badly and then needed, because I would fear the wrath of the rest of the family, as was the case when my dad died, they practically lynched me at the funeral.

Came home finally and again saw that no one had called me. I dont see me having any choice but sticking out this withdrawal and playing the family idiot.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #6 on: September 29, 2010, 09:10:48 pm »
I'm so sorry to hear how mean and cruel your family can be towards you.  It's just not bloody fair, is it?  I also know how upsetting and cold being alone can feel.  I am so very lucky to have a wonderful husband, but I am 6000 miles away from the home I love and all of my family and friends, so I feel incredibly lonely and homesick at times.  My husbands family are dreadful - and that's being polite - so we never ever see or hear from them, which is a HUGE let down when one is so far away from home.

Just remember that your BB family will always be here for you.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #7 on: September 29, 2010, 09:51:28 pm »
Live Chat seems to have a lot of people in it at night to keep you busy. I'm not sure if you tried it yet.  :thumbsup:

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2010, 11:34:26 am »
Just remember that your BB family will always be here for you.

 :smitten: I do remember this thanks [...]. Yes Gman I was in chat maybe twice now, I usually need a bit of courage  ??? but I do chat when Im doing pretty bad and lonely. Thanks.

P.S. Day two of my reduction and today Im feeling really well, under the circumstances)  :thumbsup:
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Devastated and anxious
« Reply #9 on: October 08, 2010, 10:23:25 am »
[...] -   :therethere:

I'm so sorry your mom was so mean to you yesterday.  Most people who have not been through it haven't a clue about how hard this process of w/d can be.

So when mom needs me, Im good enough for her, then there are the good days, and then shes had enough of me and when she doesnt want to anymore, she treats me like a piece of sh*. Im so sick of these ups and downs with her. I called her today and after days of getting along, she -again- suddenly answers irritated "Yeaaa, WHAT IS IT!" I yell at her for treating me like crap, and she turns the tables around and says I am treating her like crap. Truth of all this behavior was that she just didnt feel like going anywhere today although yesterday it was planned. Me treating her bad is then what she complains to the rest of the family about. They believe her and then I get in trouble with them because they want to "protect" her. Never want to hear my side of things. Around and around, always the same pattern.

Ive tried talking to my therapist - and he once told me to stop my withdrawal because this family is upsetting me too much.

I know, [...], I know I have to stop this dependancy upon her. And I need to move away from being so close to them all. FAR away. But since it is the country I want to leave, I feel I need to get off the Benzos first I dont know if I can finish my taper in a different country.

Im sorry for ranting. Im sorry if I bored anyone with this...it may sound like a trifle to others, but after years of this it is nerve wracking. And I cant find any friends here. Be it DUE to these upsets or my own incompetency.

Elke
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 11:04:51 am by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.