Anyone reinstate at 17 months

How did it go? I feel like giving up big time

According to your signature you were on Ativan for two weeks, is that right? Frankly I wouldn’t ever touch another benzodiazepine if this is the result of two weeks of use. 

 

What other medications have you tried since your c/t?

Alcohol, marijuana, ashwaganda,prilosec, magnesium, b vitamins. had an endoscopy with Propofol, and a ct scan with contrast. If i had known what this was i would not have touched a thing.

I agree with Challis. Some people are just more 'sensitive" to these drugs.

I would stop drinking alcohol, and not mess with all those supplements which have not been proved to do a damn thing for benzo wd.

Simple and easy is better for you now. One of the hard lessons we have to learn is NOT to rely on yet another pill to make us "feel better." That sure hasn't worked,. has it/ why keep on repeating failures? That was very hard for me to get. I had always associated pills as the way I COULD feel better. SO WRONG.

east

I know it would be insane to take more poison, but this withdrawal is damaging too. My heart keeps getting worse and painful. it started with one pvc here and there, now when they hit, they are constant, and if nothing changes the flutters are are going to turn into a-fib or worse, I just don’t see any other possibility. I really really don’t know what to do to stop getting worse. I could soldier though anything and everything else, if my heart would just be stable. I try so hard to think all this stuff is benign but that’s just not always the case. how often do people die from ct, even months and months out? We don’t know, people just stop posting hear and we don’t always know what happens to them.

Ashtons manual:

 

Reinstatement, updosing

 

A dilemma faced by some people in the process of benzodiazepine withdrawal, or after withdrawal, is what to do if they have intolerable symptoms which do not lessen after many weeks. If they are still taking benzodiazepines, should they increase the dose? If they have already withdrawn, should they reinstate benzodiazepines and start the withdrawal process again? This is a difficult situation which, like all benzodiazepine problems, depends to some degree on the circumstances and the individual, and there are no hard and fast rules.

 

Reinstatement after withdrawal? Many benzodiazepine users who find themselves in this position have withdrawn too quickly; some have undergone 'cold turkey'. They think that if they go back on benzodiazepines and start over again on a slower schedule they will be more successful. Unfortunately, things are not so simple. For reasons that are not clear, (but perhaps because the original experience of withdrawal has already sensitised the nervous system and heightened the level of anxiety) the original benzodiazepine dose often does not work the second time round. Some may find that only a higher dose partially alleviates their symptoms, and then they still have to go through a long withdrawal process again, which again may not be symptom-free.

 

Updosing during withdrawal? Some people hit a "sticky patch" during the course of benzodiazepine withdrawal. In many cases, staying on the same dose for a longer period (not more than a few weeks) before resuming the withdrawal schedule allows them to overcome this obstacle. However, increasing the dose until a longed-for plateau of 'stability' arrives is not a good strategy. The truth is that one never 'stabilises' on a given dose of benzodiazepine. The dose may be stable but withdrawal symptoms are not. It is better to grit one's teeth and continue the withdrawal. True recovery cannot really start until the drug is out of the system.

 

Pharmacologically, neither reinstating nor updosing is really rational. If withdrawal symptoms are still present, it means that the GABA/benzodiazepine receptors have not fully recovered (see above). Further benzodiazepines cause further down-regulation, strengthen the dependence, prolong withdrawal, delay recovery and may lead to protracted symptoms. In general, the longer the person remains on benzodiazepines the more difficult it is to withdraw. On the whole, anyone who remained benzodiazepine-free, or has remained on the same dose, for a number of weeks or months would be ill-advised to start again or to increase dosage. It would be better to devote the brain to solving individual symptoms and to finding sources of advice and support. Advice about how to deal with individual symptoms is given in the Manual.

Yeah I’ve read that a million times. I am so utterly screwed. I think people see my time on the meds and think I’m just overreacting, but that is just not at all what this is, I am profoundly messed up man. This is the worst day I’ve had in a while.

I hear you. Why some react so extremely is unknown. But I personally would take that as a strong message you do not need to take benzos, as they will only continue to hurt you. I do not doubt that after only a couple of weeks you are feeling that bad. BB is full of people with similar stories.

If I were you I would just continue on, no matter what. Read some Success Stories for inspiration. Learn new and better ways to cope with anxiety naturally.

Your PVC's? Have you been checked out by a cardiac doctor? If not, do so, as it may reassure you. PVS wont kill you, but yes, they can feel very frightening.

During my wd I had to learn ways to deal with anxiety and fear without resorting to yet another damn pill. This didn't come easily to me, thirty years of benzos had almost obliterated me. But I tried. I sat on my sofa doing slow deep belly breaths, hold at the tope and slowly let the air out. To my surprise it worked quite well. I slowly learned to do this whenever I had an increase in anxiety. It helped. I learned other things as well.

Hang on, friend. This stuff does get better...in time.

east

Thank you east for spreading hope. I’m trying to be strong but this is unreal. It happen fast, and I feel like every choice I made was the wrong one. This feels like just another choice I’m going to screw up either way.

IMO, at 17 months off, you should NOT consider reinstating....EVER.

The symptoms suck, but they are actually signs of healing!

If Benzos could damage you that much in 2 weeks, what would happen if you went back on them now?

I had a lot of symptoms too and had every medical test done that insurance would pay for, and all of them came back negative.

I am sure your alcohol bouts were almost like reinstating as alcohol works on GABA just like Benzos do.  Just look at what alcohol did to you and multiply that x 10 to get a picture of what will most likely happen should you reinstate that far out?

You are not making a wrong choice by not putting more Benzos in your body.  That's like saying I wonder if I should take more "rat poison?"

Medications are never that answer.  They don't treat, cure or fix anything, but are merely band aids.

Seriously consider counseling, CBT and coping skills as ways to get through WD

You can do this.  You are healing every day you are off.  No more alcohol or supplements that might affect GABA.

Give your body a chance to heal.  You'll get there.

 

Thank you east for spreading hope. I’m trying to be strong but this is unreal. It happen fast, and I feel like every choice I made was the wrong one. This feels like just another choice I’m going to screw up either way.

 

Oh heavens, try not to think that way. You are like me, I had no idea what I was getting into. And always remember that a brain on benzos is NOT going to be logical, so we make bad decisions, partly because we were never told how bad it can be. You cannot blame yourself for THAT.

But I felt just as you do now. I felt so down on myself back then. Plus I truly thought I had gone insane. There is nothing easy about this crap, its all work and misery...but the pay off is enormous, and that is why you simply cannot give up.

I would like to know a bit more about your story. What brought you to benzos, and what made you decide to stop taking them??? Slowly figuring out this sort of stuff will help you cope better.

I do understand what you mean, "just another choice I am going to screw up." I fetl the exact same way. I was so lost back then.

But time passed, I didn't give up, and very slowly I managed to heal. You will too. Rely on BB,  because this will turn out to be your only real support. try to trust what you read here. Getting a basic understanding of WHY you feel this way seems to help. Knowledge is power sometimes. Distract yourself as much as you can. Most important: force yourself to be positive no matter what. Faking it does really help and I am living proof of that. Here on BB I am known as the Queen of Faking It. And for damn good reason. Forcing oneself to be positive and optimistic no matter what has been proven to be extremely therapeutic, and for ALL illnesses, not just benzo wd.

I am rotting for you. I know you can do this.

east

How long since the last time you drank alcohol? I dident know we werent suppose to drink during this for quite awhile. I dont think I would of ever got better if I continued drinking. When folks say alcohol is a liquid benzo, I believe it. I wouldent use any mind altering substance Like MJ.  I think are brains are trying really hard to find a balance and any chemical we put in are sensitive systems hinders its ability to do just that. Just my humble opinion. Some folks just take longer to recover from this wicked process, But you will recover. Keep going...

When TheWay says alcohol was like reinstating I agree 100% caused Kindling too, kindling is real! New symptoms kept appearing until I stopped the Booz.

Have you had your heart checked? 

How often DO people die from CT withdrawal after more than a month off? My psychiatrist and doctor say that doesn't happen, but they clearly know next to nothing about the evil of benzodiazepines.

Ezra .. it's FEAR it's a sx of withdrawal.  You have been checked out medically, how old are you?  I was CT'd after over 15 years of prescription use I m 51 and that was 6months ago!  I m here!  You can do this!  I know it's hard.  Is your family with you.  Are you reading scary stuff?  Are you eating and drinking water?  Hang in there BREATHE!

 

B

 

 

Bnotafraid: I'm a little younger than you are. Overall, decent health before this. Yes, I am scared, every moment of every day, and feeling like a failure for trusting my doctor and taking this poison without informing myself first. I'm sure I'm not alone in that! Like the originator of this topic, I worry that there is no point at which we are absolutely out of danger. No, fear doesn't help, but it's very hard to combat.

Yeah but everyone has different symptoms and different intensity. I get that here on this forum we try to spread calmness and hope, But for me this is literally my only source of information, and I don’t need to be in denial. I need Information. I’ve read that alcohol withdrawal can cause dangerous heart rhythms so why not this. I got my heart checked after ct but that was before all the alcohol I drank because I dint know. Now my heart is a thousand times worse. My pulse is all over the place and runs of pvcs which is basically VT. Fear is a pretty reasonable response if you ask me, no one can guarantee healing any time soon and this is no way to live. I dint make a mistake for years I made a mistake for two weeks but it doesn’t matter.

Ezralit-

 

Yes education is power.  But if you notice you are going overboard just stop for a minute.  You are early in this game.  You will heal and I will too.  Just hang on.  It's not easy.  Glad you know your heart is good.  I just had to keep telling myself over and over if I started going over on it.  It does get better it's slow so slow.  Please keep us updated. 

How often DO people die from CT withdrawal after more than a month off? My psychiatrist and doctor say that doesn't happen, but they clearly know next to nothing about the evil of benzodiazepines.

 

Bnot has given you some really good advice.

VERY FEW people die from benzo wd at all. That is very, very rare and unusual, and happens usually to young men who also drank and took street drugs. The only REAL physical danger of benzo wd is seizures. And they rarely occur.

Seems to me the worst thing about benzo wd is the FEAR/Anxiety we all feel. No one prepared you for this stuff. It was an enormous shock to find out how awful benzo wd can be for some. It is so weird and strange one cannot help but wonder if you have gone plumb insane.

But you haven't.

Keep us informed on how you are doing, okay?

east