Severe acute withdrawal

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Sad to say it is normal, mine peaked around 2-3 months and then slowly started to get better.

Tweed, it can be that bad for some of us. I can't describe mine here, because I don't want to scare people. But I was scared for my life, too. Remember, it's like a phantom...it scares us, but it can't harm us. I promise you that.

 

Hang in there. It will get much better. You're in the worst of it. You've been very strong, and that strength will carry you all the way. I know it sounds unbelievable, but you're doing beautifully. You've got this, girl.

 

Warm hugs,

Wildflower 💕

My taper wasn’t half as bad as I was when I got off . It peaked around 2.5 months you just have to find a way to get through the day it will get better soon

I’m 14 months off and pretty much healed . You will too just hang in there !

Getting Though this crap was the hardest thing I have ever done or will do , it’s really hard to believe I got to this point as I thought I never would. You will to .

Hang in there you got this!

12 months still in acute.

I’m 22 months out from CT. Not a mistake I would make again if I would have known about BB.  I too thought I was dying, 5 trips to the ER because I thought I was having heart attack’s. I would sit straight up in bed at night with a racing heart, shaking, once I pass out lost all bowl controls. Scared my husband so bad he called a ambulance.  This post is not to scare you, only educate you that if your symptoms are severe you need professional help.  During the time I was going through this my doctor assure me the benzo was out of my system for it was a short term drug. Clearly she was not educated enough on the use of benzodiazepines. Take baths with Epsom salts, stay clear of caffeine, alcohol and eat a healthy diet. No preservatives. Your not dying your just going through hell but it will lighten. Soon you will be able to know what the waves are and deal with them one at a time.  Prayers for you I can relate.  I’m doing so much better at 22 mo back to work waves not so severe.  It will happen for you also.

 

Hi Wildflower

 

It would probably really help me to hear about your experience as I’m suffering so intensely in this phase, just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse. It feels like I’m getting worse by the day and I’m scared how far this can go? When did yours start to ease?

 

I keep thinking something else is wrong and I’m surely dying.

 

My taper was so brutal and I cannot believe how cruel this next phase has been.

 

Thank you so much for commenting ❤️

 

Tweed, I had full-blown psychoses (I was committed to a mental-'health' institution against my will -- my husband had to bust me out of there), violent episodes where I would randomly attack my husband, out-of-body experiences where I felt I was experiencing other dimensions, 24/7 akathisia where my feet blistered from pacing.

 

I was hospitalized because I'd lost a dangerous amount of weight (they insisted it was an eating disorder, despite me eating healthily). I had seizures, anaphylactic-shock episodes, intense paresthesia and nerve pain, could not use the toilet at all (had to use enemas), could not control bladder function, phobias, covered in rashes to the point of not recognizing myself.... It's very hard to write about.

 

I got worse after my taper and it was a huge shock to me, as I wasn't expecting that. My taper was hard, so I thought things could only improve once I was off.... I had my first 3-day window at 7 months.

 

The symptoms I describe have almost all gone away for me. I am on a healing program to address any possible underlying issues, and my health is better now than it has been my entire life. I am getting my life back on a whole new level, and look and feel more than a decade younger than other people my age. I feel peace and excitement about the future, despite the hard days.

 

I still have some major imbalances and gut issues accompanied by anxiety, but the intensity and duration of waves are lessening and I'm steadily resolving the remaining stuff. I have a ways to go, but I'm getting there. I have learnt so much.

 

None of what I wrote is to scare anyone. It's just that it does get severe for some of us, and I don't want you to think you're 'doomed' in any way. Baylissa has described to me some of the worst cases she has seen (I asked her to), and how well they are doing now, at 100%. I have no doubt that you will heal completely. I can see, from your blog posts, that you're a warrior.

 

Take good care of yourself. You won't believe your new life, or the new you, once you've survived this sh*t.

 

WF

Tweed,

 

Yup. It can ramp way up again. It can be terrifying and can seem like nothing is helping to reduce any of the symptoms. And ya, it can solidly feel like you’re going to die. You are not.

 

In one of your posts you wrote this, ”healing is happening in every second I survive.” That’s exactly it. That’s what’s happening.

 

I’m new to figuring out that all these symptoms have been from benzos. So, I’m still piecing things together in my hazy, scattered, messed up mind. From what I’ve gathered in this bit of time, I think the following statement is fairly accurate. Please do correct me if I’m mistaken.

All the things we are experiencing, the symptoms, are all because our nerves are trying to figure out how to communicate with each other, and with our brain again, ya? Is that it? Because, if that’s true, then -

 

every second, every experience, every moment - is our body and mind working really hard to heal and get better!

 

Which, is frick’n incredible.

 

Especially after all it’s been thru.

 

It’s busting ass, troubleshooting, and working all the damn time to try to heal.

 

Therefore, I hope we can be onboard to ride with it while it gets pummeled and keeps on trying.

Here to support it by taking the best care that we can of ourselves.

Drinking plenty of water.

Eating very healthy, when we can eat.

Setting ourselves up to try to get the best possible rest/sleep, if we are fortunate enough to be able to.

Trying to make ourselves do something every day. Even if it’s tiny. One little achievable something.

Exercising if/when at all possible.

Even when we’re afraid of everything, and anticipating the worst. Because, what is actually the worst? Like you said - every second we survive, healing is happening.

Supporting ourselves also means taking it easy on ourselves when we aren’t able to do any of the above. Giving ourselves a break. Cutting ourselves some slack when we just don’t. Being kind to our minds.

 

(truth be told, I might have just needed to tell myself all that, so now I’m unsure if I should even post this:)

 

You’ve got this Tweed. The fact that you got your heating pad on means you are working to support yourself. You’re doing great. I’m happy to hear that you have your cat with you. Another living being around is a bonus for healing for sure.

 

Hoping you can find a bit of peace in something today.

 

Edo

 

 

Wildflower,

 

I’m sorry if writing this brought back traumatic memories. You went through absolute hell and I’m so glad you’re feeling better now.

 

My symptoms are torturing me throughout my whole body and my mind feels like it’s breaking more and more each day. I’m terrified what will happen but I keep digging my heels in and refusing to quit despite the torture that is going on. I thought I had suffered more than enough in my taper, to be faced with an even more intense and brutal acute phase is just beyond cruel. I fought so hard to get to this point and this is testing me even more (which I didn’t think was possible). I feel like I’m getting worse by the day but this morning I’m having a slight lift in the intensity.

 

I can relate on the weight loss and eating disorder. Did you find just eating revved up your symptoms to extreme levels?

 

Did you have symptoms you could not even describe?! I can not describe the torture and agony inside of each of my cells but the torture is coming from somewhere, I just can’t pinpoint where. My blood?

 

Your encouragement means so much. How did you get through this? Live minute to minute is the advice I’m being given by fellow warriors that have gone before me..

 

❤️💖

 

Tweed, your second paragraph pretty much sums it up. It's unbelievable, I know, but this is how the body fights to regain balance. This is how it heals. All you need to do, for now, is put one foot in front of the other. Gentle self-care and self-soothing, as best you can. Distract when you can, although this can feel impossible. And that's OK, too. When you can't, you breathe. You pace, you rock. All this will get you through. You see, you are already doing it. You've got this.

 

With eating. Sometimes it revved me, other times it didn't. Not much rhyme or reason. I just kept forcing myself to eat as healthily as I knew how. Heaps of well-cooked veggies and high-quality meats. Lots of water. Your body knows how to do the rest.

 

Regarding the symptoms being indescribable...YES! I still have those days, but they're becoming rarer. The closest term I can come to, is perhaps internal akathisia. But that doesn't begin to capture the torture, I know.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, you're not alone. There are others, like me, who've had it as bad and who are coming out the other side, stronger and more hopeful than ever. As will you. Honestly, Tweed, I don't know how I did. It can't kill you, is what I know.

 

Best advice I can give is, never touch psych-drug poisons again, if you can help it. If you can just do that and keep taking those baby steps forward, moment by moment, you'll make it. I promise. I've seen your spark. You keep going, because the world needs what you have. It's a rare quality. Remember that. You're like a diamond being cut and polished, to bring forth even greater value and beauty....

 

I'll see you on the other side. Sending hugs & strength.

 

💕

 

Wildflower,

 

Your messages are full of hope and light 💛❤️

 

They’re helping me so much. I don’t know how to explain some of this other than it just feels as if I’m dying. Everyday I feel like I’m dying. I am so weak, going to the toilet is too much it feels. Yet I’m also revved up in terror and other agonising symptoms.

 

I won’t be touching psych meds ever again, they have destroyed my poor brain and body. I have to keep going and get through this phase. How can it feel THIS bad?! I’m stunned. Brain is convinced I’ve got AIDS, Sepsis, cancer all over my body. It surely feels that way.

 

I feel like I need to get some tests from the doctor but I’m too sick to go. What the hell is this.

 

When did you start to turn a corner WF?

 

🌼

 

Tweed, I'm glad it helps you a little. Don't feel you have to reply. Sometimes, even that takes too much out of us, I know.

 

In answer to your question: I'm not even sure, Tweed. This trip is beyond confounding. For me, it has been very slow going, and improvements have been subtle. I second-guess myself all the time. 'Am I even improving?" 'Something has to be wrong, I'm not getting better....' Those are constant looping thoughts on my bad days, and then I feel terrified and ashamed of possibly giving anyone 'false' hope.

 

On my 'good' days, I have moments where I feel better than I ever have, but those days are still too rare. This total mind f*ck seems to be the nature of the beast.... It's exhausting, draining, confusing. It's a fine, difficult line between expressing just how vulnerable and terrified we feel -- and expressing our hope, which is no less real.

 

My husband points out any improvements, no matter how small, to keep me going. But there's still lots of crying and despair, lots of fear, and anger for feeling so trapped. Many days, I feel broken. On those days, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

I can see changes most clearly when looking back. Physical akathisia is basically gone. Anxiety and phobias have been my 'bugger' symptoms all along, and I'm still praying for more improvement there. And because I fixate on that, I easily miss the things that are gone: nerve pain, far fewer rashes, less hair loss, rage attacks gone, psychoses gone, and more. My mind is much clearer, I'm much more stable, and my home life is improving in amazing ways thanks to new healthy routines. I was skeletal during my taper; I'm at a healthy weight now.

 

What helps me is reading, such as the '18-30 months and up' thread, for example. I can track how badly many buddies were still struggling at around 18 months, and then the improvements later on. That at least helps me keep some perspective, that this is 'normal' for many of us. We won't die, we are healing even though it doesn't feel like it.

 

You're very, very early off, Tweed. And your body is fighting back strongly, hence the vigorous response. I, too, was too sick to go to a doctor. And way too phobic. (That's why I resorted to hair testing: I could send a hair sample in and have my health monitored, without leaving the house.)

 

It's OK, Tweed. Because it's almost certainly withdrawal. The chances of a doctor picking up anything else, at this stage, are almost zero. You're gonna be OK. Baylissa said to me that it's like a bent tunnel: just because you can't see the light, doesn't mean it's not there.... Just keep trudging (crawl when you can't), one foot in front of the other. You're inching closer to the light all the time.

 

Holding you in my thoughts. I'm here for you, if you need me.

 

 

Listening to the following youtube video may help. Well, it works me...

 

 

The link was shared by another BB whose nickname escapes me.

 

SG

I can see changes most clearly when looking back. Physical akathisia is basically gone. Anxiety and phobias have been my 'bugger' symptoms all along, and I'm still praying for more improvement there. And because I fixate on that, I easily miss the things that are gone: nerve pain, far fewer rashes, less hair loss, rage attacks gone, psychoses gone, and more. My mind is much clearer, I'm much more stable, and my home life is improving in amazing ways thanks to new healthy routines. I was skeletal during my taper; I'm at a healthy weight now.

 

What helps me is reading, such as the '18-30 months and up' thread, for example. I can track how badly many buddies were still struggling at around 18 months, and then the improvements later on. That at least helps me keep some perspective, that this is 'normal' for many of us. We won't die, we are healing even though it doesn't feel like it.

 

You're very, very early off, Tweed. And your body is fighting back strongly, hence the vigorous response. I, too, was too sick to go to a doctor. And way too phobic. (That's why I resorted to hair testing: I could send a hair sample in and have my health monitored, without leaving the house.)

 

It's OK, Tweed. Because it's almost certainly withdrawal. The chances of a doctor picking up anything else, at this stage, are almost zero. You're gonna be OK. Baylissa said to me that it's like a bent tunnel: just because you can't see the light, doesn't mean it's not there.... Just keep trudging (crawl when you can't), one foot in front of the other. You're inching closer to the light all the time.

 

Holding you in my thoughts. I'm here for you, if you need me.

This is just a great thread:) WildFlower, I was wondering about the hair sample being sent to the doctor, i've never heard about that, or may be doctors down here are not as advanced), what kind of things can they test for when they get your hair sample? just curious..