Please do avoid alcohol and too much caffeine. *Update, Month 32*

Hey friends,

 

I was almost too nervous to post this, because I'm so afraid of disrupting the hope and encouragement that I might have inspired with my previous post about feeling close to healed. Even despite having fallen back into a wave, it was and is very clear that healing does happen. I went from being in an absolutely horrendous place for the first 2 years, to feeling almost back to normal and healed around Months 29 to 31. I had HUGE windows and entire days of not even remembering withdrawal because the symptoms were absolutely gone. All of the physical crap, but most importantly the severe mental insanity that I had experienced throughout the entirety of my withdrawal.

 

Unfortunately I fucked up, like many before me. I was feeling so well, that I began to take pretty horrible risks and pushed my body more than I should have. Because I had been feeling so incredible, I started to lower my guard and began indulging heavily in high amounts of caffeine. I was gifted a cold brew machine for Christmas and was brewing ridiculously high caffeine content coffee and was drinking it daily. It was so strong, that it was giving the lot of us drinking it a whole array of stomach issues. I noticed that I began to experience mental symptoms here and there after pushing myself with the caffeine, but nothing crazy. I think a lot of it was actually symptoms of near caffeine overdose and just general emotional/anxiety symptoms of flooding my system with high amounts of stimulants on a daily basis.

 

As if this weren't enough, I decided to indulge in alcohol for the first time in over 3 years at my buddy's 40th birthday party. I had been feeling well for a couple months now and had a weak moment. I do enjoy beer and missed it a lot, which prompted me to have about 7 beers or so during the party. Everyone else was drinking and because I had been feeling good for so long I wasn't weary of the risks. This was the beginning of my setback.

 

The onset of the setback was actually delayed after drinking, but I began to notice the extremes returning days after the drinking had occurred. Again, I fully expected to fall back into a wave at some point. This just seems to be the way that withdrawal goes. But I'm fully aware in hindsight that this most recent wave, or the severity of it was most definitely affected by my actions. Which is why I want to once again raise the warning to those of you that are considering drinking while still in the throes of withdrawal. The rule of thumb is that you should wait "atleast" a year after your withdrawal symptoms are gone to avoid being thrown back into healing.

 

Yes, of course there are many people that can handle alcohol during withdrawal. Just as there are many people that can take and stop benzos without being affected by severe withdrawal. Everyone is different. But it would be wise to avoid any copious amounts of stimulants or anything that potentially affect your GABA and other sensitive neurotransmitters if you are still suffering from withdrawal or are newly feeling better or in a window. Please do keep in mind that there is a very high chance of this causing a setback.

 

As for the symptoms that I am experiencing after the drinking setback.. The conscious breathing/air hunger has returned. Some depression, intrusive thoughts, general severe mental and physical anxiety, insomnia, heart palps (which is actually a new symptom for me, started only after drinking), teeth clenching and digestion issues.

 

Because of this, I'm going to avoid drinking altogether for the long-run and I'm going to wait until I feel healed for atleast 2 years to indulge again, IF I indulge again. I've also decided to cut out as much caffeine from my diet as possible. I'll have a cup of coffee here and there or some tea, but I'm mostly avoiding it, especially for now. Seems like stimulants in general affect the severity of my symptoms, sugar including.

 

Again, I was very nervous to post on the forums again. I know that there are those caught in the negative throes of withdrawal that will take this post as a "AHHHH, We never heal! See this guy that said he was healed! He's suffering again! We never desensitize from alcohol, sugar, caffeine, etc etc!" I understand that fear can provoke these thoughts, but it's all nonsense. I have read way, WAY too much from people that have actually healed and have stated that all of these things become fine after time goes by. I know that I caused my own suffering in this case, even if I was destined to fall into another wave and not fully healed. Don't lose hope.

 

Hope you're all doing well.

Hello LiveAboveIt,

 

I applaud your courage and selflessness in coming back to let others know what happened to you, you're hoping to spare someone else the pain you're suffering, thank you.

 

Yes, we're all different and someone else may not have the same experience but if you can save one other person from what happened to you, then your post will have achieved it's purpose.

 

Pamster

Thank you, Pamster. 

It is not black and white and I believe that you need to look at how long you were on benzos, the dose and also how your withdrawal went. I started drinking two months after my withdrawal and I have had no issues at all. We are talking about heavy drinking, but only a couple of nights a month.

I agree, but I also dont think it's worth the risk for everyone without weighing the possibilities, because there are just as many stories if not more of people being absolutely fucked over by drinking again during and after 'healing,' than there are of people doing well with it.

 

I read all the stories throughout my withdrawal when I was still early in about avoiding alcohol. I saw the many disparaging posts of people writing to say how drinking had set them back and the desire to warn others. Of course there were just as many that chimed in and said that they were also affected by alcohol.

 

When it came down to my decision to drink, I decided to ignore the previous warnings about drinking after feeling normal and pretty much symptom free for nearly a month and a half and drinking threw me into a setback or wave.

It probably all depends on how much damage was done initially

I agree, but I also dont think it's worth the risk for everyone without weighing the possibilities, because there are just as many stories if not more of people being absolutely fucked over by drinking again during and after 'healing,' than there are of people doing well with it.

 

I read all the stories throughout my withdrawal when I was still early in about avoiding alcohol. I saw the many disparaging posts of people writing to say how drinking had set them back and the desire to warn others. Of course there were just as many that chimed in and said that they were also affected by alcohol.

 

When it came down to my decision to drink, I decided to ignore the previous warnings about drinking after feeling normal and pretty much symptom free for nearly a month and a half and drinking threw me into a setback or wave.

 

I agree. I must underline that you went for 7 beers and not a half a beer, just to check if the water is cold or hot.

There was no checking. I disregarded the warnings and thought I'd be fine. Wasnt really worried about it at all. Considered that because I'd been fine for over a month that it wouldnt be a big deal. It was like 1.5 beers an hour, not really a big deal considering. But I'm human, we all do dumb shit.

U must've felt super normal to be taking the risk. That's good news for us

Yeah, very much so. Assumed because I felt so good that it wouldnt affect me.

The good thing is You knew what it was, I would have never known about any of this if I had not been through this myself.  It is unbelievable.  Just pickup and do your best everyday.  It's tough but you got this!

 

B

hi LiveAboveIt

Have your head symptoms gone away?When did it disappear?

I noticed a huge decrease in my mental symptoms at about month 29.

 

Thanks for the support!

LiveAboveIt- 

 

I'm so sorry you paid such a heavy price for letting down your guard.  It's understandable you wanted to feel you were home free and could let loose and indulge in what are simple pleasures for so many people.  Alas, not simple pleasures for those of us in this special club as you recognize so clearly now. 

 

It's really generous of you to share your hard earned wisdom here.  There's nothing like the voice of experience to remind all of us to tread carefully when it comes to things like caffeine and alcohol.  Thank you.

 

I hope your wave is over very soon.

Brighterday

 

It’s understandable you let your guard down, you won’t be the first. If you’re anything like me you just miss your old life and being able to enjoy normal things like a drink with friends etc. You might be in a wave for a while but in the long run, one slip with alcohol won’t delay your healing. Even if you didn’t drink chances are you would fall back into another wave at some point. I’ve had beautiful windows where I honestly felt symptom free only to be thrown back into a wave, and I didn’t do anything I can identify to provoke it, it’s just the nature of benzo withdrawal.

The one time I’ve had a tiny sip of alcohol through this, it triggered my tinnitus (pulsing and ringing - worst symptom).

I definitely haven’t touched the stuff since.

I have bronchitis and it also triggered tinnitus and now I’m walking around with cotton balls shoved in my ears.

If I drink Alcohol, it goes down like this.

Day one, hung over feel crap

Day two, feel better

Day three morning, feel fantastic

Day three evening, joints are cracking, brain buzzing pins and needles in skin and my skin droops...I know the wave is coming.

Day four. Big wave, inner tremors, brain buzzing and tremor, cog fog, intrusive thoughts, can't function.

Day 5,6,7, same but progressively better.

Weeks 2-3 symptoms weaking but anxiaty up

Weeks 4 - 5 starting to feel better again.

 

I haven't drank a lot during this process but I did in the beginning as both my sisters passed away, and I paid the price.

 

I drank a couple of time's during the year one because it was a special occasion the other, I genuinely thought I was healed.

 

Am I going to drink again, sure but not for a long time. It's just not worth it

 

Thank you for this message. Is drinking tea fine ?? Don't want to take chance with anything

Kiwi -  If you're avoiding caffeine you'd better off with herbal tea - some of us find chamomile soothing.