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Taking Xanax As Needed to get out of the house and its not good.


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I tapered completely off Xanax in May 2019. Then I discontinued Seroquel and various other meds in the following months. I was hospitalized this summer with a brain injury most likely due to medications. I have had a difficult time accepting my new agoraphobic lifestyle. Hence I started recently taking Xanax as needed just to get out of the house. It still works for the bizarre phobias but it now has some really bad side effects and I'm pretty sure it is doing more harm in the long run.

 

Has anybody found that continuing to take a benzo after stopping it is making the situation worse? Have any housebound people found anything that helps them get over the bizarre symptoms of post withdrawal?

 

The only time I get peace of mind is when I take Xanax. The craziness just stops. I can think clearly, I can sleep, I don't hallucinate. The symptoms are so terrifying that I sometimes have to laugh at what my mind will do next. 

 

I try to tell myself that it has only been 8 months to be patient. But the mental symptoms and lack of sleep are hard to endure. I do have windows but lately its mostly waves.

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Hi bluelady,

 

I'm so sorry to hear you've been housebound and that you had to be hospitalized last summer and I don't blame you a bit for reaching for something, anything to help you feel better.  The trouble is, taking the Xanax comes at a terrible price, one that will keep you in this never ending loop of benzo use, tolerance, withdrawal and pain.

 

I wish I could tell you there is an easy way out, but there isn't.  If you haven't been taking too many, then perhaps can stop without it costing you anymore time towards healing, but if your body has once again become dependent, then starting another taper is the only way I see a path to freedom for you.

 

Again, I'm sorry for your pain.

 

Pamster

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I can relate to your story here for sure. I was also on Xanax and got really agoraphobic over time (and slightly still am). I've taken the occasional benzo since (as you can see in my signature) and it wasn't worth it. When I took the Ativan that was prescribed to me later the summer after quitting Xanax, it threw me into a WD state worse than the first one. Yes it helped when I was on the meds, but ultimately it felt like it was just delaying the inevitable. I feel better now after facing the WD and dealing with it, as horrific as it's been. It makes me realize that the agoraphobia is an illusion created by the WD from the meds rather than a real symptom. Best of luck in your healing!
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Hi bluelady,

 

I'm so sorry to hear you've been housebound and that you had to be hospitalized last summer and I don't blame you a bit for reaching for something, anything to help you feel better.  The trouble is, taking the Xanax comes at a terrible price, one that will keep you in this never ending loop of benzo use, tolerance, withdrawal and pain.

 

I wish I could tell you there is an easy way out, but there isn't.  If you haven't been taking too many, then perhaps can stop without it costing you anymore time towards healing, but if your body has once again become dependent, then starting another taper is the only way I see a path to freedom for you.

 

Thank you Pamster, for your kind response. I only take one 1mg tab once a week if that. I don't have problems not taking it other than the usual symptoms that I go through that are just a part of my psychological demons.

 

My instinct is that by even taking .5/1 mg once a week that I will not ever get out of withdrawal. Do you think by taking it even once a month that I am "re-setting" the injury caused by the Xanax, hence not allowing full neurological healing?

 

I have heard that some people here take it to go on planes and it works fine for them and they have no ill effects. What are your viewpoints on this type of infrequent use?

 

Again, I'm sorry for your pain.

 

Pamster

 

Thank you Pamster, for your kind response. I only take one 1mg tab once a week if that. I don't have problems not taking it other than the usual symptoms that I go through that are just a part of my psychological demons.

 

My instinct is that by even taking .5/1 mg once a week that I will not ever get out of withdrawal. Do you think by taking it even once a month that I am "re-setting" the injury caused by the Xanax, hence not allowing full neurological healing?

 

I have heard that some people here take it to go on planes and it works fine for them and they have no ill effects. What are your viewpoints on this type of infrequent use?

 

Thank you again for your kindness.

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What are your symptoms of you leave the house and don’t take a Xanax?

 

My symptoms are sweating all over, racing heartbeat, stomach upset, hollow feeling, feeling ice-cold, dizziness, and intense fear. Once I get out of the house, I keep seeing "critters". I also get very unrealistic fears that there are things in my car to the point where I actually see them. Just to name a few. It truly sucks :(  Other than seeing the critters and thinking things are in my car, most of those symptoms were normal symptoms I experienced when I had panic/agoraphobia 20 years ago before I started taking Xanax to treat the symptoms. I tried every other modality and drug offered at the time to treat this but nothing worked until the Xanax.

 

 

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I can relate to your story here for sure. I was also on Xanax and got really agoraphobic over time (and slightly still am). I've taken the occasional benzo since (as you can see in my signature) and it wasn't worth it. When I took the Ativan that was prescribed to me later the summer after quitting Xanax, it threw me into a WD state worse than the first one. Yes it helped when I was on the meds, but ultimately it felt like it was just delaying the inevitable. I feel better now after facing the WD and dealing with it, as horrific as it's been. It makes me realize that the agoraphobia is an illusion created by the WD from the meds rather than a real symptom. Best of luck in your healing!

 

Thank you, I appreciate you input!

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EVERY OTHER MODALITY??

Surely Xanax isn’t the only thing in the whole world that can help you?!

And surely you have not tried EVERYTHING.

That’s a dangerous thing to say to yourself IMHO, sounds like you are justifying to yourself why there is no option other than Xanax. I think your mind is playing tricks on you, it has a funny way of doing that in my experience.

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EVERY OTHER MODALITY??

Surely Xanax isn’t the only thing in the whole world that can help you?!

And surely you have not tried EVERYTHING.

That’s a dangerous thing to say to yourself IMHO, sounds like you are justifying to yourself why there is no option other than Xanax. I think your mind is playing tricks on you, it has a funny way of doing that in my experience.

 

Perhaps there is a modality that I haven't tried and I am open to suggestions. Please.

 

I have tried Neurofeedback, hypnosis, CBT, EMDR, TERRAP, immersion therapy, Psychedelic therapy (lsd assisted therapy with a psychologist present. yoga and meditation, conscience breathwork, diet, acupuncture, cbd oil, herbal treatments as prescribed by a homeopathic doctor,  as well as over 20 different psychiatric medications over the years. None of that was effective for agoraphobia/panic for me.  The only modality I haven't tried is the latest TMS which my neurologist said I cannot participate in because of my brain injury.

 

I know it is tempting to say that someone is coping out when only one treatment has worked for someone. Especially when it is a benzo that many people have very strong opinions about. The only thing that I have found that works for migraines over the years is Advil, Benadryl and espresso. I have tried every migraine drug available - they simply don't work for me. Do you feel I am just telling myself that so I cam just keep drinking espresso? Sometimes people find something that works for them. I did not have extreme reaction to Xanax that some here have had. I was able to take xanax for 20 years and work, have a very rich life, a husband, etc, I have expressed that I want to discontinue even taking it once a week because I feel that in the long run I may be re-setting symptoms by taking even a small amount. I am not attached to Xanax nor do I think it is a "poison" like many here. If there is a modality that you know of that I haven't tried PLEASE let me know. I am willing to try.

 

 

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EVERY OTHER MODALITY??

Surely Xanax isn’t the only thing in the whole world that can help you?!

And surely you have not tried EVERYTHING.

That’s a dangerous thing to say to yourself IMHO, sounds like you are justifying to yourself why there is no option other than Xanax. I think your mind is playing tricks on you, it has a funny way of doing that in my experience.

 

Hi JJ Natural,

 

I don't know about bluelady, but your all caps felt like shouting to me, so please, in the future, try to refrain from doing this.  I felt bluelady showed remarkable poise in her response to your post, I'm not sure I would have answered with such grace.

 

Pamster

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Hi bluelady,

 

I wish I had the answers you're seeking about "re-setting" the injury, wouldn't it be great if we all could find that fine line that would protect us from the pain, but give us the relief we seek?

 

Once a week or less means freedom for you, given what you've tried, what you've endured, I can't discourage you from taking it, I can only tell you that if you need us, we'll be here for you.    :therethere:

 

Pamster

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Hi bluelady,

 

I wish I had the answers you're seeking about "re-setting" the injury, wouldn't it be great if we all could find that fine line that would protect us from the pain, but give us the relief we seek?

 

Once a week or less means freedom for you, given what you've tried, what you've endured, I can't discourage you from taking it, I can only tell you that if you need us, we'll be here for you.    :therethere:

 

Pamster

 

Thank you so very much for your kindness and openness.  Thank you for being there <3

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I have a question. if your only taking it once a week what are you doing the other days to cope.

 

I would think starting them again is a slippery slope and will most likely send you backwards in some way.

 

I can totally understand your pain. you have tried so much with no relief it must be hell. I don't know what others options to suggest as you covered many but there must be another way.

 

hope others may have some better advise for you.

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Hmmm...  so the agoraphobia/etc is your pre existing condition?  Is it just you or is it caused by the brain injury?

 

You are like me in that circadian rhythm disorder and sleep prob were my pre-existing condition.  I do think trauma caused that condition, tho crd is genetic.  But what I tried did not help me until... benzos.  I tried lots of other stuff to and no success. 

 

I don't know about taking once in a while if it is ok or not.

 

Good question!

 

 

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I have a question. if your only taking it once a week what are you doing the other days to cope.

 

I would think starting them again is a slippery slope and will most likely send you backwards in some way.

 

I can totally understand your pain. you have tried so much with no relief it must be hell. I don't know what others options to suggest as you covered many but there must be another way.

 

hope others may have some better advise for you.

 

The other days that I don't take it, I just don't sleep. I have piercing anxiety and panic but I can usually push through it. I do yoga, meditation, surround myself with positivity. I clean my house :) for some reason that is very therapeutic to me. I have been trying to get out twice a week. Sometimes I make sometimes I don't. I am aiming for everyday. I also believe that it is just not a good idea to take Xanax - ever - at least for me. The taper traumatized my body and brain. It doesn't want Xanax anymore. I think I have my answer.

 

Thank you for replying.

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I'm glad you have made a choice . it may not be the easiest option but I think it is the right one.

 

in my opinion the anxiety will not resolve as you are mentally dependant on Xanax still. even though you may not be physically dependant. you will struggle to learn new skills to deal with the anxiety because the easy fix is always an option. once this is removed you have no choice but to learn to cope in another manner.

 

I'm learning new ways of coping and it is not an easy path. I get tired and run down and think who cares I'll just take something as I know I will have instant relief. I have stopped myself so far because I know the true cost.

 

wishing you the best .

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