Setback and embarrassed by my worsening anxiety

Over the weekend I had a health scare, went to a walk-in clinic, handled the exam and everything even though I was terrified. The nurse noticed it and asked a few times if I was okay. I felt annoyed with myself. It's natural for people to be frightened when a medical scare happens, but I can't seem to control my body's reaction to it. Anyway, a couple days later I got a voicemail from the doctor about her needing to discuss the results with me. She even left her own cell phone number to call back. It was late night by the time I saw the voicemail so couldn't reach her. So my mind jumped to "she needs to discuss this, she left her own cell phone which has never been done before. This must be BAD." I ended up taking nearly 1mg of the clonazepan that night. Before my taper started I was taking 1/2 mg nightly. Even after taking the larger dose (which I can kick myself now for doing) I kept having panic attacks and only slept a couple hours. Thankfully she called back that morning and explained everything. It wasn't what I thought and I'll be okay.

 

Last night I went back to my reduced dose and slept well. But I can't seem to shake off this gnawing anxiety which is worse than my normal anxiety. Is it the residual feelings from the scare and panic attacks? I don't know. Also I've been on this reduced dose (except for the night I increased it) for going on three weeks. I feel like I should be able to cut back more, but the one night I did I had a mild seizure episode. I don't know if that was coincidence or not. My husband says to just stick with what I'm on for a while. To look at that as progress, but I can be impatient.

 

Sorry for rambling on, I just feel so off balance right now.

What you describe would have shaken most people.  Please don't be embarrassed by it.  I'm glad all is OK.  Might take a couple of days for emotions to settle down. 

 

I recall sometimes being asked if I was OK.  I must have looked stressed or something (I don't know).  I'd just say that I'd slept poorly.  That seemed to placate most people, and they'd leave me alone.

Hey Lily, I think you have a wise husband, give yourself an opportunity to settle down before you start tapering again.  Don't be embarrassed, we all go through very anxious times during tapering, it's very common.  Updosing every once in awhile is okay too, just go right back to your normal dose the next day.  It's not something you want to do often, but when something unusual is happening, like what you went through, it's better than scaring yourself .  Good luck, let us know how you are , Mary 💜