2 weeks benzo free now, not easy, what's happening?

I jumped new years day after a 15 month taper that has been nothing short of grueling and horrible. I'm happy to be done with the taper.

I figured I would be much better than I am right now. My sleep is horrible and toxic most of the time with sinus and head problems all night popping and cracking,  plus being jolted awake by my body. Inner trembling and shaking ia horrible.

I have had windows and a few days occassionally where I'm like, wow this feels ok and I'm going to be fine. And then all crashes down and goes away. The agoraphobia and intrusive thoughts are the worst. Scared about everything that is wrong with me and that can go wrong.

Everyone wonders when this healing is supposed to happen and I exhaust myself wondering when all this is going to go away. Panic and anxiety attacks are way worse then before I ever took a benzo. I know that deep down this drug screwed me up. My Dr started me on 7.5mg of Remeron 4 months ago which helped quite a bit the first 2 months. Don't really want to be on that anymore either. Its a low dose and 4 months is a short time and I was told I can quit taking it by my Dr (psychiatrist)

I admit I'm scared about whether or not I'll recover from this nightmare. I have alot to be thankful for in life and just want peace again. I know it's only been 2 weeks and that symptoms ramp up, and it takes time. But really the last 15 months has taken a toll on me and those around me.

I hope the day of healing is coming and that I can celebrate. I miss everything being ok. Thinking of all of you who are struggling thru this. Good luck.

I wish you very speedy healing! Congrats on finishing your taper. 

Pearl

Hi Dude! I jumped 3 weeks ago and I’m having some of the same symptoms that you are describing. The first 12 days after jumping were pretty good, but the last 10 days have been challenging. I know that this too shall pass and I just need to keep hanging on! Distraction is my friend, but the days can be pretty long! I wish you the best! Hang in there! I believe we are well on our way to healing!

 

Sandy

 

This is a beautiful meditation for benzo recovery .  I wanted to share with you all hang in there.  We are healing.  Here's to a speedy recovery!

 

B

Hi Dudeabides,

 

Congratulations on getting off of Benzos!  I'm so sorry you're struggling with symptoms right now.  It feels so unfair to come so far and get slammed with awful symptoms. I know it's just about the hardest thing I've ever done but it does get better.

 

I encourage you to read this if you haven't already.  I've come back to it again and again.  In the early weeks of withdrawal I retained less information than I do.  It's incredibly helpful in understanding what we're going through.

What's happening inside your brain

 

There are a lot of threads on the boards about remeron.  You may want to start here:

Other Medications   

 

I wish you much healing.  Stay strong - taking it a day at a time helps.

 

Brighterday

Thx everyone for the msg. Met with my Dr today who doesnt put as much emphasis and weight into this whole process. I believe what Ive read that this can take many month after a taper is done to get better.  Doesn't help when you research one thing and Drs say another....makes me think I don't know what's happening and dont know what to believe or do.

Hi dudeabides, loved that movie by the way.   

 

We're still trying to bring awareness to our situation as far as the medical establishement is concerned, but we're making progress, you should check out the Benzos In The News  part of the forum, a new documentary is coming out called Medicating Normal, it will bring a lot of light to our situation. 

 

Yes, it's going to take awhile longer for you to feel better, but the great part is, you're no longer ingesting that nasty stuff and your brain thanks you.

 

Hang in there, you'll get there. 

 

Pamster

 

Thx Pam, the crappy part is accepting this because there is no other explanation for all this. Dr told me the "baseline" level of anxiety explanation stuff. I openly admit Ive had anxiety my whole life which was a walk in the park compared to this now. Plus all the physical problems, body issues to go along with it. I often wonder if this is how its going to be forever. Yes I'm very happy I'm no longer putting that poison in my body.

Check out the thread below...

 

Four Phases of Withdrawal-Where Are You?

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=156111.0

Thx, makes alot of sense. It'd be nice if a professional would understand this

Dude, congratulations on being free!👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👍🏻🎉.  I know your frustration about your doctor.  I have been receiving help from a major hospital and my doctor there wanted me to reach out to my primary care provider to reconnect, as maybe in a few months time I could have my care transferred over to him.  Well, I got so frustrated just talking with him I burst into tears! He started by saying, "So, you've had an allergic reaction to the medication you are on." To which I responded, as there was no way I was going to accept his statement with, "No, I was not allergic to my medication!" He responded with a list of information he had gotten from my doctor at the hospital saying these were my allergic reactions.  I again told him, in tears bc I couldn't believe what I was hearing, that those symptoms were not the result of an allergy, that they happened bc my body became dependent on the medicine, and that 60% of people on the family of medication I was on WILL go through exactly what I experienced.( https://youtu.be/ZJZE6_z3-Tw ).  He realized I was pretty upset and apologized, so I told him about the Lisa Ling documentary and asked when he had free time, to read up on Benzo use, withdrawal and effects after withdrawal.  I felt really rude correcting him but I wanted him to realize that what I went through was real, was very typical when given this prescription for a year and 5 months from my Psychiatrist, and very painful both physically and mentally.  I had to visit him again yesterday as the hospital wanted me to have routine bloodwork done to ensure things are in line and to have me again reconnect with him.  He was very supportive seeing me yesterday and at the end of our visit said he would do whatever I needed him to do, that he would help me through this! I felt so happy and more confident that he understood my situation.  Turns out the hospital is going to continue to monitor me through the next 6 or so months, but now I know when I am released to him sometime in the future he has some understanding, which is a start!  I too am feeling pretty rough. Have some ok moments here and there, then feel like I did tapering. Tomorrow is day 40 for me.  I'm just riding it out as best as I can and trying to think as positively as I can.  My doctor at the hospital said I may have to accept this new norm for my level of functioning when I return to work.  That was really hard to hear, but I understand there is nothing I can do to change my level of functioning.  I am hopeful in time things will get better, but as she has said, I need to get back to living my life and coping as best as I can even if I am not at my pre-functioning self.  Been trying to digest that and work through those words for 2 days, sitting with them although they make me angry and sad.  She is right, I do have to try to get my life back when the time comes, and that I can only do the best I can do which may or may not include limitations. Hang in there friend! I am hopeful that more windows and healing is just around the corner for all of us! You are not alone! ❤

No fun going round and round with the Drs. I always get the baseline level of anxiety stuff.  Dont want things to turn into an argument either. I know what I feel.  Glad you are done with your taper too. One Dr of pharmacology that met with me said that it can take up to a year to heal from this. I believe him considering how long (18 months total) I was taking this crap.  Sleep is my biggest thing, when I sleep Im much much better. Best of luck

After you stop taking benzos there is still a period of time before you are actually benzo free as the last cut - to zero - is processed. It takes 5.5 half lives for valium to leave your body. At that point, you could consider yourself benzo free. To expect to immediately feel better is not realistic.

Sorry but benzo free is not symptom free. Each of us withdraws at different rates and I am also in that period between the last time I took benzos and being truly benzo free.

Thx for the reality check. Approximately how many days to process this out of the body then?? I have seen and read that it takes months to heal afterwards. Getting off this crap is the first step.  Sucks wondering what's happening and,if the day will finally arrive

For valium it is about 3 weeks before your brain will get the message no more benzos are on the way and can begin regular operations.

Good luck - assume you'll be fine - there will probably be bad days but don't anticipate them.

I will try to follow my own advice.

Dude,

 

I feel your pain. Healing takes TIME, and only over time will you get better. I am 10 months post jump and I can remember back to those days. the weeks following my jump were hard but better days did happen, the more time the more better days. I would have a couple weeks of hard days/nights then I would get a good week or so....

 

Now I can look back and I see where over time I kept getting better. Not saying dont listen to your dr. but everyone on this forum will tell you TIME is the only way to healing.

 

My last meeting my dr. I asked for a different tab size and he asked what was going on so I told him. The bastard said come on back and let me know how it went...wow. this dr even told me we would retire together....I never went back, used a liquid titration method.

 

I feel like I am healed from the 4mg benzo. I do have insomnia which is a problem but still I feel 90% better most days. Last night I had 7:15 hrs sleep and feel great.

 

Hang tough and push through. there is no magic pill or supplement to take. It will get better over time....I promise.

J

Not jumping for a month but I seem to be inbetween Phase 3 and 4 of recovery?. I hope it means I won't collapse in a screaming heap once off

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