At the end of my rope with tapering. Thinking of going to detox in desperation

I'm down to below 0.25 mg's of Klonopin down from 2.5. It's been a lonngggggggg struggle for me to get here including three times getting lower and then reinstating when I couldn't handle the symptoms anymore. I have had a failed Valium crossover. I've been put on and off many other psych meds. I'm extremely sensitized and scared to make things worse but it's not sustainable to do at home anymore. I'm waking up in such insane terror I wake my parents up and have to be with them all day long because I don't feel safe to be with myself with the irritability, the rage, the impulsiveness, the akathisa, the DP/DR, the depression, the perception distortions, time being so slowed down that 10 minutes feels like several hours etc. I get this wide eyed terrified look on my face and can only answer my mom in terrified one word answers. I've heard lots of horror stories about detox and am very much terrified of taking that step in being even worse in an unfamiliar environment but it just no longer feels sustainable to do it at home when I have no quality of life and now can't distract. The stress is really taking a toll on my family too.

 

I've been in this battle for a long time but it's truly starting to feel like it's an impossible situation. Are some people who are highly sensitized able to detox off the rest of a taper? I don't know what to do. I'm trying to research facilities that would know what to expect with regards to benzo withdrawal but I can't really travel as sitting in the car is so difficult (and a plane virtually impossible) even if that place did exist and I could afford it. Are there even any places that would facilitate a months long process? All the centers in my area seem to be one or two week 12 Step types.

I really feel for you! I’m having a very difficult time getting off Klonopin (clonazepam) too.  It’s a horrible drug.  I’m tapering from 1mg.  Kudos to you for getting down to 0.25mg from 2.5mg!  That’s quite an accomplishment and you should be proud VERY of yourself!!

 

MOST detox facilities will use a rapid taper and I’m not sure that’s in your best interest.  Maybe you tapered too quickly yourself and that’s why you’re so symptomatic? How long have you been at your current dose?  Maybe you’ll stabilize if you stay there for awhile?  Today is my 6th day holding at my current dose probably from either tapering too fast and/or tolerance.  I’m trying to stabilize myself.  Extreme nausea and insomnia are my main symptoms. 

 

It’s good you’re able to be with your parents and not in an environment you’re unfamiliar with.  I’m with you regarding travel woes.  I’ve become extremely agoraphobic and don’t like to be outside or in a car either.  Planes?  I couldn’t do it!  What does your doctor say?  Have your parents suggested you go to detox and leave your home or it’s one of your perceptions? 

 

Maybe holding at your current dose now is the best you can do? It looks like you’ve been up and down with reinstating which doesn’t seem to have helped.  Up dosing probably wouldn’t be beneficial but you know your body best.

 

Check with your doc.  Maybe there’s an answer or alternative to help you reach your goal to being benzo free.

 

If I were you, I would explore other options rather than a treatment facility.  I just haven’t really read too many success stories about them.  On the other hand, maybe you could be the exception?

 

I don’t think your situation is impossible.  Many before us and many after us will successfully kick this poison to the curb, heal and love life again!

 

Good luck and please check in with your doc or mental health provider.

 

SG

💜

 

The psychological symptoms have become unbearable. It was my idea today because it's become intolerable to do it alone but now my parents are saying I have to go up and hold and if that doesn't work I need to go to a detox. I wouldn't go up high but I was thinking maybe just enough to where it was awful but bearable and then holding for a long while.

 

@JayTay0

 

You know up dosing doesn’t always help and may make things worse.  How long have you been at your current dose?  Like I said, you may just require a hold until you stabilize or at least your symptoms become tolerable.

 

I’d be very careful with your decision.  You’ve already been down this road and it’s been very bumpy for you.

 

Ultimately it is your decision.  Being a parent, I understand your parents’ frustration.  That being said, have you checked with your doc as to what you should/could do? 

 

Tread lightly my fellow buddie.

 

SG

💜

IMO a rapid detox would just bring more pain and could result in more long-term protracted symptoms. I've come so close to throwing my pills out and going CT so many times, but then it seems like every time I just wait it out and hold, I start to feel better. It's such a long miserable haul, but I really do believe it's the best way. It just sucks when the best way still consists of so much pain and despair.

 

Hang in there, man. I really hope that you can stabilize and feel better soon.

Also worried that microcutting every day has just caught up with me and now my system is just this much on fire. I really, really hope not. 

 

I believe that's what happened to me. But if that's the case, you may just need to hold for a bit and let your body catch up. I really do hate how all of this is total guess work, though. I feel like I've made a million wrong turns and mistakes during this process out of pure desperation.

The psychological symptoms have become unbearable. It was my idea today because it's become intolerable to do it alone but now my parents are saying I have to go up and hold and if that doesn't work I need to go to a detox. I wouldn't go up high but I was thinking maybe just enough to where it was awful but bearable and then holding for a long while.

 

@JayTay0

 

You know up dosing doesn’t always help and may make things worse.  How long have you been at your current dose?  Like I said, you may just require a hold until you stabilize or at least your symptoms become tolerable.

 

I’d be very careful with your decision.  You’ve already been down this road and it’s been very bumpy for you.

 

Ultimately it is your decision.  Being a parent, I understand your parents’ frustration.  That being said, have you checked with your doc as to what you should/could do? 

 

Tread lightly my fellow buddie.

 

SG

💜

 

Yes, I reinstated from 1.5 back up to 2.5 back in 2016 when I first tried tapering and then briefly after two other micro cut attempts. I thought things were bad then but was just having really, really bad anxiety. This is like a whole new other level. I have been holding for 8 days but I can't be this way around my parents anymore they don't know what to do. I'm going to hold for a really long time regardless and I'm not going to "stabilize" but I gotta be in a level of hell that isn't like this. So going from where I'm at to .25 mg's would be from .067 grams to .085 or I was thinking the last time I did a hold and felt like I could keep going at least was at .174.

 

 

@JayTay0

 

You know yourself best.  I was VERY tempted to up dose myself but I’m giving a hold a fighting chance.  8 days really isn’t that long that you’ve held.  Maybe try a few more days?  I would really hate for you to regret your decision to up dose.  You could check out some of the other boards on here.  Lots of information on holding and up dosing.

 

Best of luck.

 

SG

💜

 

By stabilize I mean “tolerable”.  That’s my objective right now.  Tolerable.  I’ve been in a bad place for 1.5 years - the length of my taper.  Relentless every day nausea. 

 

There is no guarantee you’ll improve or get worse.  It’s a gamble and you’ll just have to decide if it will pay off. 

Also worried that microcutting every day has just caught up with me and now my system is just this much on fire. I really, really hope not. 

 

I believe that's what happened to me. But if that's the case, you may just need to hold for a bit and let your body catch up. I really do hate how all of this is total guess work, though. I feel like I've made a million wrong turns and mistakes during this process out of pure desperation.

 

  Yep! I say give the hold a bit more time.  I was tapering too fast too.  It definitely caught up with me!!

 

SG

💜

@[Ja...]

 

I definitely understand the frustration, pain and “wretchedness”.  I’ve lived it non stop for 1.5 years.  I probably tapered too fast with alprazolam but I’m off it more than three months now.

 

I’m going to unload this poison, clonazepam, and NEVER take another benzo.  If you could possibly hang on for a few more days and hold at your current dose?  I think things may get back to tolerable.  Not great...just tolerable.  That’s all I want at this point too!  I’m really trying to be patient.  We all want to be benzo free and some of us rush the process.  That’s me!  Guilty.  I should have listened to my screaming body and followed the guidelines for tapering more slowly. 

 

Maybe explain to your parents about up dosing.  Maybe it’s too much pressure on you from them?  Feeling so poorly you may make a decision based on pressure.  Just a few more days may make all the difference!

 

Those scary thoughts you’re having are the benzos!!  That’s not who you are.  You’ve been strong enough to get this far.

 

You can do it!!

 

SG

💜

 

 

 

 

Sorry that it's been such a struggle.  The on/off different psych meds may have caused some issues as well. Know that it is the treatment recommendations by the medical folks, and when you're badly suffering, one will try anything for relief.  Updosing rarely succeeds according to all the scientific literature as the drug's affect is so altered now.

 

The rapid detox centers seem to be more hype and less long term results. The issue is that what they promise is so short term, not sure what happens after the 30 days. Remember withdrawal can sneak up on you unexpectedly. If they use the IV infusions, again it may help, but it doesn't correct existing metabolic issues.

 

Have you had a basic physical with blood work anytime in the last year?  If you're low thyroid, or anemic, etc. it can play havoc with the withdrawal. Good to know that the bases are covered.

 

Can you seek care concurrently with a naturopath or someone who uses things other than meds?

WD can cause high glutamate (due to low GABA production) and all kinds of trouble including raising/ lowering blood sugars.  The meds also affect all of the enzyme systems. 11 Phosphodiestrases (affects all body systems), GAD (converts glutamate to GABA), and the one that removes acetylaldehyde. Some supplements may help like NAC, vitamin C, Molybdenum as they aid these enzymes.

 

Know you're experiencing such disorientation and anxiety. Praying for a solution.

If the functional med doc is close by, call them and tell them your situation. They may figure out some supplement/treatment to pull you out of the hole so you can come in. Staying put may not be a good option.  You need help.

 

Not giving medical advice here, just options. Don't know how much vitamin C you're doing, but may not be enough to provide the calming effect you need. If you use the model of Dr. Abrahm Hoffer, (for withdrawal/ schizophrenia) it's 1000mg+ vitamin C per dose with 500mg-1000mg of niacin at a time. When it was bad, I did x5 in a day (bodyweight of 110lbs then.) If you use buffered vitamin C or liposomal vitamin C, tend to get less direct GI upset. Hoffer gave vit C in milk. Regular niacin has beneficial properties the non-flush doesn't have, but I couldn't deal with the sudden hot rash, so I do mainly non-flush niacin with some occasional low dose regular.

 

Got to give the body something to help it cope. Drink lots of water to help clear out the drug and their metabolites. Again so sorry for your issues.

 

JayTay, I rarely suggest updosing but it seems you are in a really bad place.  I agree with the others, updosing would not be my first choice. But in your case , it may be a good idea.  Things you really need to consider, you have to updose enough, so as you figured out, the last dose that was tolerable for you.  Also, you need to know, feeling better from the updose may take more time than you are expecting, and sometimes it doesn't help.  So knowing all this, give it a good thought.  I have several good friends on here who have updosed and held, that it helped immensely, but it wasn't a quick journey.  You could possibly be someone who feels the updose faster and we will definitely keep our fingers crossed for you,if you decide to updose.  There is an updosing support group on here, just scroll down the Homepage u til you see Support Groups and click there.  Good luck, please keep us posted on how you are, Mary 💜

Yes I up dosed back to .25 mg's. Trying to hold on until hopefully it settles things down a bit and REALLY hoping that it does because they are still just awful. I got sent into acute about a week ago. I've worked so damn hard to get to where I'm at in my taper it's hard not to feel defeated and even hopeless but what else can I do?

 

Good luck, hope you feel it quickly, hold tight and remember we are here for you .

Don't blame yourself, it's not your fault, it's the lack of real information we were ever given and the meds.  Most of us walked right into a mess, and had to figure a way out.  bb saved me .

Mary 

 

It's ok. You can always try at a future date. Some people have had to hold 2 years or more and were able to taper again after that. If that's what you need to do then do it.

Gee, I've been in this mess of benzos+ for 25 years including close to 5 yrs of a taper off my last med, klonopin. My two cents would be to never ever get near a detox place. Rapid detox would be just a mess of a situation. I kind of like the saying, "when you don't know what to do, then do nothing". I'd hold til the cows come home. If you absolutely had to updose, then I'd make it a really small amount. Some good talk therapy and lifestyle cleanup can go a long way. Follow your heart! We've all been there, and you'll find your peace too

JayTay, I am so sorry.  Hold on, don't taper.  I wish I could tell you detox is a good idea, but it's not.  We have so many people on here who tried and ended up much worse.  Hold tight 💜💜💜

Jay, I've been on here for many years and I've yet to see a detox go well. In fact, most of them go badly. What happens (we're told) is that you're yanked off your benzo, given a drug to mitigate seizures, then after a few days . . . out you go.  Ppl return home, they've been basically cold-turkeyed off their benzo, and they are in a world of hurt. Heck, you could have cold-turkeyed at home if that was what you wanted to do!!

 

The rehab/detox facilities do not understand benzos. Getting ppl off benzos is not like getting them off alcohol or cocaine or similar drugs. You will not feel miraculously better after your stay in detox.

 

But you will feel miraculously better once you are off your benzo. Give it a while after you jump . .  and then, yes, you will feel okay. At least I did. And many others on here did.

 

Anyhow, I hope you will give this some thought. Yeah, you probably feel terrible. Most of us did. But can you hang in?

 

Thinking of you,

 

 

Katz