Trying to Understand My Windows Last Week

Last week, I had multiple windows. I started noticing them at work and most days I actually felt like my job mattered and I wanted to get stuff done quickly. That was like 3 out of 5 days last week. My sleep still wasn't great during all this but I was feeling a little better during the day. Then I had a really good day with my family on Saturday and enjoyed hanging out up until about 4:00. I knew I was doing better because I could talk about other things and felt excited about stuff. Then things went downhill and I'm back where I was.

 

I'm trying to understand why I felt better last week. Could if have been because I had two weeks off work prior to the window? I have been taking CBD oil and doing a adrenal cocktail since around the 5th of January so I was wondering if that mattered at all? I also started playing hard basketball once a week about three weeks ago. I've continued the CBD, the adrenal cocktail, and the basketball into this week and I feel terrible again.

 

Why can't we have any control over how we feel? 

Unfortunately it’s just part of healing , a lot of people on here including me get their worse waves after good windows

I think there are many factors, and many of which we have little control over.  I have noticed that my anger slips back in, when I get tired.  And even if I sleep enough hours, it doesn't seem to matter because sometimes I sleep so lightly, it's like I could never feel rested from that sleep.  When I get the kind of sleep that FEELS like I actually slept, everything is better. 

I'm somewhat convinced it's because my sleep was better for about two weeks straight besides maybe one night during the break. So I slept better for like 16 straight days and now I'm back at work and my sleep is bad again. I'm not really sure what I can do about bad sleep. I have to work. There is a reason I was on benzos, unfortunately. I could start trying to take a nap each day again but lately my attempts to nap have been fruitless.

You just keep on doing what you did before, be happy for windows and have trust that they will repeat when you do not feel well. Thats how it goes.

All the overthinking what leads to what, what could I change - only bring new variables into a game which started to change for the better.

 

Just my 2 cents

As far as I can work out from reading, listening to Baylissa etc if you are not doing any of the things ppl tend to generally say makes symptoms worse then there is little point trying to make sense of it because it is just random. The brain trying to get it right and as you get further out sometimes it does until it gets it right in a more prolonged manner.

Nice post, Ajusta.

And how are YOU doing now?

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