Still tapering but... insomnia is worse than ever, wrse than CT, I’m losing it

I’m still tapering but I get no benefits from my benzo, I need to take Lyrica, Zyprexa and Seroquel to get few hours of light sleep I’m down to 6mg from 7.5mg of Ativan and this is my 9th withdrawal.  :'( If now is that bad I’m scared how bad it will be when I’ll go lower and lower. I’m scared if I don’t sleep for a day or two after almost 2 year of sleep deprivation my whole body start crushing. I start hallucinating and I’m disoriented and paralysed can’t even move but can’t sleep. Pray for me please. I’m feeling like I’m losing it.

Sorry you are suffering so bad.  If this is your 9th WD, you should know what to expect.  I wish I had some advice for you, but it seems like you keep ending up in the same recover, reinstate, WD cycle.  I can certainly pray for you.  Maybe you should seek professional counseling/help?  Not sure why you keep going back on Benzos?  There has got to be something non-Benzo that can treat whatever you are trying to treat?

Sorry you are suffering so bad.  If this is your 9th WD, you should know what to expect.  I wish I had some advice for you, but it seems like you keep ending up in the same recover, reinstate, WD cycle.  I can certainly pray for you.  Maybe you should seek professional counseling/help?  Not sure why you keep going back on Benzos?  There has got to be something non-Benzo that can treat whatever you are trying to treat?

 

I didn’t sleep for 8 days fell uncosciousnes and in the psych hospital they reinstated me on Lorazepam didn’t want to they fixed me with belts on the bed and start giving me injections of Lorazepam.

You are in my prayers

Hey Akul, just checking in. How are you doing? Have you been able to get any sleep in the past few weeks? I see you’re on a number of other meds to help with the sleep. Has your doctor ever suggested amitriptyline? There was a member on a benzo forum that slept just an hour or less for 6 months. She went on amitriptyline and was able to get 4-6 hours until her sleep came back and she tapered off. I hope you can find something that works for you while trying to get off the benzo

Hey Akul, just checking in. How are you doing? Have you been able to get any sleep in the past few weeks? I see you’re on a number of other meds to help with the sleep. Has your doctor ever suggested amitriptyline? There was a member on a benzo forum that slept just an hour or less for 6 months. She went on amitriptyline and was able to get 4-6 hours until her sleep came back and she tapered off. I hope you can find something that works for you while trying to get off the benzo

 

I’ve had nights of sleep, but now I again had night without sleep I don’t understand I’m down to 4.5mg of Ativan, no changes in meds. Aim in a total tolerance or I have fatal insomnia.

You need to go really, really, really, slow on your next taper. Have you tried using Indica oil under the tongue? 10mg knocks me out and keeps me chill all night.

You can see by my history that this is my first rodeo. I'm discovering that I am having a totally different experience than most with benzos though. I've been through a bunch of withdraws. Some because I was given a biotoxin removal regime. The other because psychs in the cardiac hospital (I have POTS) cut me in half instantly. I hate the word Ativan. I need lots of therapy and I even need to be hypnotized to forget that word. When I get off benzos I'm going to have it put in my record that I am severely allergic to them. The weird thing is that when I was cut in half on atihell, I decided to reinstate with valium under the recommendation of a young, benzo aware psych at the hospital who I didn't get to see until my last day there. I knew it was popular with Ashton, but I just didn't think it would work for me. But I guess after having atihell cut in half, my body welcomed it. I stayed at the reduced equivalent (5mg), which is not recommended. I guess I was supposed to incorporate the valium in with ativan slowly. I had already been through w/d so, I said eff it. Lets see what happens. I held for 10 days going "whats going to happen?". I'm now down to 3.5mg of valium. I've been anhedonic and had dp/dr from the beginning because I had a panic attack that triggered it and nobody knew these "symptoms" I was explaining, and neither did I. So, I'm not a happy camper, regardless. But I must say... I'm glad I'm tapering with valium. I don't want to jinx myself, but I've been able to sleep better on this lower dose of valium than I did the full dose of ativan. That's my 2 cents. I wish you the best.

@[ak...]

 

You don't have fatal insomnia.  It's all the Ativan.  I thought I had SFI too.  It's simply not possible.  There are 2 types.  1) Hereditary 2) Sporadic

 

But you are on a high dose of Ativan (Lorezapam).  If I am not mistaken 4.5mg of Ativan = 45mg of Valium?

 

As others have said do a very slow taper.  It might take you well over a year to taper off of that much? 

 

You must have reached tolerance?  Tolerance is when the drug doesn't work at your current dose.  Your body is use to that dose, so it has no "effect" on your GABA.  That's why you can't sleep and may have other symptoms.

 

I normally do not like to suggest other Rx drugs for sleep while on Benzos because they can have their own WD and possible symptoms and side effects, but maybe low dose (5omg or less) of Seroquel would work for you?  But maybe not every night?

 

Sorry you are in the situation you are in, but the only way out is to taper off of the Ativan.  Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts or ways to speed up recovery.  But you can do this, thousands of others have and you can too.

 

@akul016

 

You don't have fatal insomnia.  It's all the Ativan.  I thought I had SFI too.  It's simply not possible.  There are 2 types.  1) Hereditary 2) Sporadic

 

But you are on a high dose of Ativan (Lorezapam).  If I am not mistaken 4.5mg of Ativan = 45mg of Valium?

 

As others have said do a very slow taper.  It might take you well over a year to taper off of that much? 

 

You must have reached tolerance?  Tolerance is when the drug doesn't work at your current dose.  Your body is use to that dose, so it has no "effect" on your GABA.  That's why you can't sleep and may have other symptoms.

 

I normally do not like to suggest other Rx drugs for sleep while on Benzos because they can have their own WD and possible symptoms and side effects, but maybe low dose (5omg or less) of Seroquel would work for you?  But maybe not every night?

 

Sorry you are in the situation you are in, but the only way out is to taper off of the Ativan.  Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts or ways to speed up recovery.  But you can do this, thousands of others have and you can too.

 

thank u for your input I was stable on benzos only for a month, then I started going on and off, and I became worse and worse, going off and on drugs, it’s my 9th wd, and they are toxic for me, I can’t do a year long taper because I can’t be like that anymore, they are paradoxical for me, I will do a 4 month taper, it’s been only a month and a half since I was pushed to reinstate, it will be crazy I know, but another year living like this and not healing, healing will happen only when I’ll be off. I’m on promazine and Zyprexa for sleep, sometimes they work sometimes they doesn’t. I’m thinking about switching from Promazine to seroquel. I just need sleep. I’m actually withdrawing from benzos for 2 years going on and off because of crazy doctors.

Lack of sleep sucks big time, but I know we can do a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.  Not looking for a pat on the back or an "award," but I went to work many times after I got no perceived sleep for 1, 2 or 3 nights in a row.  I think one or 2 times it was 4 nights?  It doesn't matter as the point is I was able to function.  I just didn't expect as much from myself.

 

If you are going to taper off 4.5mg in 4 months that is almost like doing a CT?  I was on Zyprexa during my Flumazenil treatment at the Coleman Institute in Richmond, VA.  It made me hungry all the time and didn't always work.  In fact, I pretty much tried every Rx, OTC and herbal remedy for sleep and none of them worked for more than 1 or 2 nights and I was off everything when I tried them.  So I quit them all and sleep returned on it's own.  It took about 10 months, but it slowly came back in fits and starts...an hour here and there turned into 1-2 hours and then 2 or 3 and every now and then 4 or 5 hours, but it would go back to the zero or 1 or 2 and then back to 2 or 3 or 4 hours...very UP and DOWN for some time until it was mostly 4 or 5 most nights.  That's when I thought I was healed, but sleep now is 6-9 hours most nights now.

Lack of sleep sucks big time, but I know we can do a lot more than we give ourselves credit for.  Not looking for a pat on the back or an "award," but I went to work many times after I got no perceived sleep for 1, 2 or 3 nights in a row.  I think one or 2 times it was 4 nights?  It doesn't matter as the point is I was able to function.  I just didn't expect as much from myself.

 

If you are going to taper off 4.5mg in 4 months that is almost like doing a CT?  I was on Zyprexa during my Flumazenil treatment at the Coleman Institute in Richmond, VA.  It made me hungry all the time and didn't always work.  In fact, I pretty much tried every Rx, OTC and herbal remedy for sleep and none of them worked for more than 1 or 2 nights and I was off everything when I tried them.  So I quit them all and sleep returned on it's own.  It took about 10 months, but it slowly came back in fits and starts...an hour here and there turned into 1-2 hours and then 2 or 3 and every now and then 4 or 5 hours, but it would go back to the zero or 1 or 2 and then back to 2 or 3 or 4 hours...very UP and DOWN for some time until it was mostly 4 or 5 most nights.  That's when I thought I was healed, but sleep now is 6-9 hours most nights now.

 

My psych gave me 6 months to get off benzos, Im tapering 0.25mg of Ativan every 10-14 days.

Please give your psych a copy of the Ashton Manual or at least the tapering section!  .25mg every 10 to 14 days seems too fast?  That's a 16% cut every 10 to 14 days!  You'll be off in 36 weeks at that pace.

Please give your psych a copy of the Ashton Manual or at least the tapering section!  .25mg every 10 to 14 days seems too fast?  That's a 16% cut every 10 to 14 days!  You'll be off in 36 weeks at that pace.

 

i did that and she doesn’t speak English, I can’t get slower, she won’t prescribe more meds, and I don’t want to go a year in that tolerance too. This is just not living. 😒

Please give your psych a copy of the Ashton Manual or at least the tapering section!  .25mg every 10 to 14 days seems too fast?  That's a 16% cut every 10 to 14 days!  You'll be off in 36 weeks at that pace.

 

Till 2.5mg it is less than 10% percent going like that, Then I will start a liquid taper.

Akull, please take your time.  I understand what you’re saying.  But rushing will likely backfire.  You want success.  You need it.  You’ve been on a high dose.  Do you have support at home?  Don’t do this alone, if at all possible.  9 x is a lot.  I’m hoping the best for you.