Im back 💔😓

So im back, and the feedback isnt so good.

 

Im back ay work its been two weeks. Iv been working long hours, waking up at 5 am, clock in at 7am till 7pm. Sometimes i work 16 hours due to break downs. I work at a power station in engineering. Iv been battling to remember everything i used to do, the software i interacted on, the procedures etc. It all feels foreign. I forgot people's names too so its been a lot of awkward situations. So embarrassing.  This morning i had an anxiety attack so i took the day off. I cant think clearly at all. The confusion is so bad guys im not sure if i can manage going to work every day and on weekends, driving 30 km everyday. I try hard to live like normal but reentering the system is so hard and im not coping.

 

Im trying to decide what to do, i need this job and the money is so good i could accomplish so many things, but God i struggle to cope with load. I dont know whay to do. I really wish my brain 🧠 would kick back.

I get moments that are dementia level like. Severe confusion. Im only 30.i still want to live. I havent told anyone about this. Benzobuddies.org is the only place i can come to.

 

So im trying to decide whether to quit or soldier on. Life sucks.

Ill try again tomorrow.

things will settle but it may take longer than you would like. what if quitting will not make you feel much better. in fact i think it won't make a difference. if you're meant to go through this, you will have to go through this. its really a waiting game in the end. with a job, at least you'll have a distraction

Yeah true. But im getting worse since i went back to work. Im always scared. Confused. I don't know how to calm down. But i wont quit because i have bills & kids. I cant remember what normal feels like. My mind is in a loopof torture.

Yeah true. But im getting worse since i went back to work. Im always scared. Confused. I don't know how to calm down. But i wont quit because i have bills & kids. I cant remember what normal feels like. My mind is in a loopof torture.

 

i know the feeling. i personally had to quit work. but things didn't get better. i was still terrified most of the time. hang in there. if you can push through for the next two months, i guarantee you will see improvement. find someone at work to confide in and someone you can turn to when it gets tough. it makes it easier

I'm so sorry, this is not fun. To be among people can be so scary, and we are so sensitive. I think you are so strong.

 

Which month?

 

 

 

Okay ill try that.

 

What makes me so F'n angry at my brain is that im doing the best i can, eating healthy, drinking enough water, exercising. I dont take sugar, no alcohol, no cigarettes. Like what the hell im tired of feeling this way. Im trying to make a living in an already hard world why the hell does my brain have to make matters worse. This morning has been the worst. And ri have to return to work due to another bloody break down.

I understand how you feel. I had to go back to work after three weeks. I could not think straight, confused, couldn’t remember anything. I suffered for quite a while, still do to some extent. Too much stimulation and my brain gets numb. But as time goes on it started to fade to a manageable point. By no means am I healed, still far from it. But I am at least able to work. Stick with it. You will get there.