Xanax withdrawal, 6 years high doses

I was on the forum between 2008-2011, I left to more fully participate in my post benzo life.  I returned in September 2019 to help out just before the Lisa Ling episode aired, traffic to the site was expected to jump and it did.  At first I had a hard time relating to our members, it had been so long since I'd been through it, I'd forgotten a lot of the pain.  Being back here has given me a great deal, it's renewed my gratitude for my recovery and revived my compassion for those still suffering.  I enjoy helping others and the camaraderie I experience with the members and team is very rewarding.  It's been a great way to get through the winter and it's kept me from focusing on politics so that's a plus. 

it's amazing what you do. you don't know how much it helped when I was at my worst the first few weeks in

How are you doing, it's good to see you posting around the forum. 

Hi Pamster,

 

I took a little break cause I was feeling a lot better and didn't want to be constantly reminded of the hell I went through.In general I would say I am about 85-90% of the way there.Physically I almost have no symptoms and this has coincided with my mind clearing.It has been a good indicator that I am recovering.

 

Im not constantly thinning about whats is wrong or googling my symptoms hourly.I think I lost my job as the shifts have stopped coming. I would like to think it is the current climate but it may have been my performance. I still dont know how I did it so early in withdrawal, I was honestly on another planet.

 

I plan to post a success soon if things keep improving but I dont want to jinx it.

 

Thanks for all your help. I dont even recognize the person I was even a few weeks ago.

You were brave to even attempt that job and it sounds like you gave it your best, however our best in benzo withdrawal isn't too good.  As I recall, you had a good attitude about it, you knew it was likely you could lose it.  The current climate could be the reason too since our world has turned upside down, do you have enough resources to whether this storm?

 

I'm glad you knew when to take a break from the forum, it can be addicting and not in a good way.  It's good that person who showed up here is gone, I'm happy for you and look forward to that success story.

in regards to my current financial situation it can always be worse and there are so many doing much tougher than me but it is worrying with so many bills and commitments.  I really don't know where I am going to get the money from . hope you are all ok over there .

You're right, there are many who are suffering but it's understandable to be worried because we're so powerless, it's very humbling; as if we needed to be humbled after dealing with benzo withdrawal. 

 

I'm doing well thank you, but my world has gotten very small.

That's one heck of a habit you had, wow. You seem to be doing pretty good regardless. Yeah, I would definitely avoid alcohol. Some people get hit worst than others, I wouldn't be surprised if you cruised through this. My cousin's been abusing benzos and alcohol for 10 years with no negatives, while I took them as prescribed and got sick within 6 months

 

If youre able to function and sleep that's a good sign

it is odd. I seem to most . I really feel for those that took them as prescribed and ended suffering so much. I initially had valium prescribed for anxiety and it all started from there. they work amazingly well for anxiety or anything really and there lies the problem. I took them only for anxiety wich was daily then they started causing the anxiety and I would take them for almost any situation just to feel normal. I would take them before any social interaction just in case.

 

yes my sleep has returned ,it took 2 months . now I sleep like clockwork. I'm still shocked I even went to work without sleep for weeks. sitting in that office was like being abducted by aliens.  every day I would think of an excuse to quit. it scares me ready my journal that bloke sounds mentally ill lol but that was me

one thing I'm worried about is the windows and waves I keep reading about. I had more than 2 straight months of hell, no relief .now I'm almost 3 months off it's like I've turned a major corner. hope it doesn't get taken away.

 

I drank quite hard for the first week trying to get some relief, till Pamster mentioned it and I stopped completely.  strangely the alcohol doesn't work like it used to and offers no relief . probably a good thing. I had mouth surgery and took pain killers for a few days and again no relief. it's changed the way substances affect me.

I doubt you'll go into a wave, from what you describe it seems to me you're not going to get any nasty surprises unless you do something to bring it on like excessive drinking or going back on benzo's. 

 

 

Im so scared of benzos now. I was walking around with them in my bag for weeks after I jumped, it would give me the confidence to be out in public. I dont even think about them now.

How are you Andrew, it's good to see you on the forum.  Did you find a new job or are you sheltering in place?

Hi Pamster,

 

No work at the moment and it doesn't look great with the current economy. we are told to stay home so just doing the best I can trying to keep occupied and entertain the kids.

.How are you doing over there .

I'm well, I'm retired so this hasn't affected me as much as it has others, these are rough times for everyone.  I see so many families doing exactly what you are, I can only imagine how your world and that of your children has turned upside down.  It must be so difficult to keep them entertained, educated and protected from the worries you're dealing with.

 

I hope you can find ways to relieve your stress, in the old days this would have been when we'd reach for a drink or a drug.

exercise and home schooling is taking up much of my time. I have a new found respect for teachers now lol. I'm lucky that I'm turned off drinking . I had quite a bit to drink one night recently and I felt quite bad for over a week. It is definatly not worth the setback and recovery.

I've heard many say the same thing about teachers, I'd love to see all of them get pay raises, in the US they're underpaid and overworked.  Hopefully this will promote changes.

 

Yeah, I've heard that about drinking after benzo's, at least for awhile.

So you can laugh now?

lol. Yes, starting to feel normal again. you do get back to who you where after whithdrawl.  In my case it's been 10 years so I was never going to be that person  and I've always had deppresion so that's something I need to work on but day but day I get stronger and more confident.

 

No anxiety at all.  Anxiety was do bad when I used benzos ,it's crazy.

Andrew

I've got a big smile on my face reading what you wrote, I'm so relieved to know things are improving for you.  What I like as well are your reasonable expectations, recovery is possible but there is still the reason why we went on the drug in the first place and those things must be addressed, thank goodness we don't have to go down this path again. 

 

I'm glad the benzo anxiety is gone, that stuff is the worst isn't it?  It's like some cruel joke the universe plays on us, we learn the hard way that normal anxiety is nothing compared to what the benzo creates.

 

Are your kids going back to school or are you still locked down?

very true, if we can try to tackle anxiety with other methods and learn do deal with this horrible condition it would save us a lot of heartache. Unfotunatly benzos work very well at what they do and offer emediate relief ,unfortunatly its a downhill journey from there.

 

Kids will be returning to shcool 1 day a week here and restrictions are easing as Australia has done quite well compared to the rest of the world. I assume our geograthic isolation has helped. It almost feels like buisiness as usual as I walked around the shops today but I can see a second spike is just around the corner. Hope you are travelling well in the US.

 

Andrew