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Desperate - Please help


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Since last July I tapered from 30mg Valium to 9mg. I reduced following Ashton from 10 to 9mg at the end of October. Since then my symptoms have been getting worse and worse that they are unbearable now, constant burning nerve pain like hot lava constantly going through my whole body. I have been holding for over two months and every day is more unbearable. I tried magnesium, cannabis, NAC, amitriptyline and Gababentin and they all made the burning worse. I feel so stuck and am suicidal every day, I don't know whether to keep holding or to updose or to try to reduce when it is getting worse every day. Please please someone help me.
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Maybe your best choice would be try to reduce your dose again?  You’ve held for two months with no relief so maybe tolerance has set in?

 

I have paresthesia too, that “hot lava” feeling.  It’s terrible and so very uncomfortable!  I also suffer with debilitating nausea and insomnia.  If you are suicidal, PLEASE seek help with a mental health professional!

 

I know how desperate you feel.  I’ve been living in this hell for 1.5 years.  You have to believe it will get better.  One day at a time.  Such a cliche, but it’s the only way to get through the days and nights.  You WILL get better and heal! 

 

I don’t think up dosing will help.  I had the same conversation with myself just this morning after another horrendous night.  I’m going to hold for a bit.  I haven’t really attempted that before.  I feel it’s my only option. 

 

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

 

SG

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I have sought help everywhere but where I live nobody has heard of benzo withdrawal. Doctor just wanted to prescribe Z-drugs. When I take 9mg Valium at night it is the only few hours of relief I get, which makes it so hard to decrease it as I am barely getting through every second. I can't do ANYTHING because the pain is so unbearable and I have so much still left to reduce, so I can't cope with it getting worse and worse for the next two years.
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Hi Benzo warrior. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. For some people the Ashton tapering speed can be too much. When you're having intolerable symptoms, as in your case, many people find it helpful to hold for a few months until you feel more stable. After such a big reduction, it could take a long time holding to stabilize. In my personal opinion, this would be safer than trying to push through intolerable symptoms. This would only make you worse. Tolerance withdrawal sets in after a long time on the same dose, which is not your case. You are having withdrawal symptoms due to cutting the benzo. Tolerance withdrawal is usually less severe than the withdrawal you have when you cut the benzo too fast.
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If I'm reading your signature correctly, you've cut 15 mgs of Valium in three months. This is a huge cut. I wouldn't even think of cutting in a long time. I would wait for an admin or moderator to ask them if they think an updose could be of help after such a big cut. I definitely would not add any z drugs like ambien to the equation. I'd try to stay on Valium and no other benzo, but you could probably need to hold for a long time to catch up with all these cuts. Z drugs only make things worse.
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Yes, an admin or moderator would be helpful because I have nowhere to seek advice. I would have no idea how to updose because I don't want to do too little or too much. I am burning up and screaming for eight hours a day. Before when I reduced I only waited one or two days to feel a bit better and then I reduced again.
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I have sought help everywhere but where I live nobody has heard of benzo withdrawal. Doctor just wanted to prescribe Z-drugs. When I take 9mg Valium at night it is the only few hours of relief I get, which makes it so hard to decrease it as I am barely getting through every second. I can't do ANYTHING because the pain is so unbearable and I have so much still left to reduce, so I can't cope with it getting worse and worse for the next two years.

 

 

 

Plenty of doctors and other people haven’t heard if benzo withdrawal.  Why? Because they’ve never been through it. 

 

Have you considered maybe splitting your dose?  Valiumnomore has a better understanding of Valium than I do.  Maybe holding is best?

 

Just a thought splitting the dose since you said there’s minimal relief taking the full dose at night.  Maybe half in the morning and half at night?

 

I feel your pain.

 

SG

💜

 

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If I did this then I wouldn't sleep at all. The insomnia is pretty bad anyway and at night is the only time the pain stops at all.
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If I did this then I wouldn't sleep at all. The insomnia is pretty bad anyway and at night is the only time the pain stops at all.

 

It may help while still maintaining your hold.  Maybe 9mg all at once is too much for your body to process at one time?  I don’t know.  Just a thought that may help.

 

I’m debating right now to move from 3 times a day dosing to 4 times a day.  I’m not on Valium; I’m on clonazepam. 

 

The mods are way more experienced than I am.  Just trying to figure an easier time for you.

 

:smitten:

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Hello benzowarrior00,

 

I'm an administrator but I have no experience with tapering Valium or tapering any benzo, I quit cold turkey.  I'm telling you this because we're a peer support forum and the expertise you need is what you're receiving form SeptGirl and valiumnomore.  Moderators and administrators are here to keep the forum organized and topics on track, so please, listen to those with the experience to advise you.

 

You've gotten some excellent suggestions from these members.  :thumbsup:

 

Pamster

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You’re still on the Introductions board and may want to post on the open forum for more input although I agree with Pamster that you’re getting good info from others already.

 

Here are two options for posting on the open forum:

 

Taper help: Planning your Withdrawal (Taper Plans)

Symptom discussion: Withdrawal Support (during your taper)

 

My own thoughts would be to move towards twice/three times a day dosing (which would take a little time) and if it were me, updosing to a place where you’re finding this tolerable and then doing a micro taper, either dry cutting with a scale or liquid micro-tapering.

 

 

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Benzo warrior, as Challis mentioned the possibility of updosing, if you decide to do that, you would then hold on that dose until you felt a lot more stable before resuming your taper. This has worked very well for two buddies and I hope it works for me. When people reinstate or updose after a big crash, if they start tapering immediately they don't allow their cns to stabilize. This is my opinion fwiw, as I haven't managed to come off the drug yet. I crashed, updosed, and am holding until I feel I'm ready to taper again.
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Yes, as mentioned, I suspect you got a bit ahead of your bodys ability to adjust to the lowering doses..

The first big (dependence) wall perhaps..?? -or it may have just slowly caught up and you have one foot over the edge..??  You may find its a slower journey once you get back on more stable ground... Thus far you seem to have been doing rather well, and that IS a good sign..!!

 

From what I have noticed, Valium has a “metabolite”?? that when things are bad, seems to give that 2-4 hours of therapeutic effect...  At 25V it had me dosing every few hrs through the day, and I “met” it again at low tapering doses..

Personally, I probably wouldnt cater to it by increasing dose frequency, as the smaller doses could just make you feel it more, and its not addressing the (possible) issue...

Rather, I would treat it as a marker or indicator and give it its own time, perhaps like its own mini or seperate(ish) WD...  (sorry, struggling to find the right words..)

 

But simply, Were it me, I wouldnt move forwards at this point, and would be watching/waiting to see if that little therapeutic window fades as your “feeling better” comes to meet it.. -Either by holding and/or dose correcting up a bit...

 

Dont despair, you seem to be in a good overall position big picture wise, -This is just part of working out ones own tapering perimeters as they arise.. 

In my case and situation, I dropped the first 80% (25v down to 5v) with an unknowing “as needed” rapid taper over a few months, -probably dosing once every 7-10 days before it all went rather pear shaped... I recovered somewhat fairly quickly, but had to take it increasingly slower to the end.. Perhaps due to pill splitting, I got a lot of feedback on my post cut cycles, and that gave me a lot of confidence in MY chosen path, and a healthy respect for how deep the benzo hooks can go in for some of us... I had other meds and their history involved, so dont compare too much, if at all.. More just sharing an experience...

 

:)

 

 

 

 

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Just throwing in my two sense.... After getting down to 10 mgs it got tougher for me. 

I cut a full 1 mg Valium recently and got into a world of trouble... my body couldn't handle it.  So I updosed .5 mg (which is still a cut but a smaller one).  It took me about 4 days to stabilize but I can now move forward on my taper instead of quitting.  I have up-dosed twice in the past 6 months - when I got to the breaking point.  It was right for me and I know now that I have to cut slower....

Hang in there.... I hope you get some relief and soon....

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Thank you all for your advice. Before when I cut I would just wait until I had one or two better days and then would cut it by 1mg again, now I'm stuck.
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Thank you all for your advice. Before when I cut I would just wait until I had one or two better days and then would cut it by 1mg again, now I'm stuck.

Despite the couple of good days, the symptoms from the cuts may have been still accumulating.. Some of us term that “lag time”.. 

As an example, which seems uncommon, I had to wait for 3 weeks of less of the volatile/short term SX in the end... This came after an increasing wave then window(ish) pattern that spanned over 2-3 months...!! The worst wave being the last...

 

Most people would only see this type of thing after their final dose, and I wouldnt expect it (the length of time) to be common within a taper..

I only worked it out due to cuts of a pill splitting size (at very low dose) combined with one symptom that really held me up beyond the rest of my SX..

 

Pls dont think im telling you to hold for “X” amount of time between your cuts... You may find that things settle again and your good to continue as you were...??  But if not, you may find some partial value from my experience as you work out your best way forwards...?? (It might only be 5 days of feeling better, instead of 2 days, -or whateva...)

Again, dont compare to me too closely, I had a lot going on asides just the valium discontinuation...

-Not to mention how different we all are in so many ways...

 

All the best as you work out Your path...

:)

 

 

 

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Cantfly, what you've just brought up is so very interesting. As you know, I crashed very badly in June. Before that, I was cutting every two weeks as it was the consensus on fb groups that Valium lag time is two weeks. I also read the Ashton manual and my taper speed was even slow for Ashton standards. So I went on cutting every two weeks. I've already stated my opinion on the Ashton tapering speed being too fast for us kindled users, so I won't explain that again. What I am reconsidering lately is the Valium lag time. After going through my own tapering notes of the months before the crash, and through other people's posts I feel more inclined to think that after a cut in my Valium dose, I will feel the cut up to three months afterwards. No wonder I crashed so badly. Cutting big amounts every two weeks, with a lag time of three months, when they all finally piled up it just felt like the Armageddon. I really thought I was dying. I didn't admit myself into a hospital because I knew they'd put me on more drugs. So back to the lag time, I am now more inclined to think that Valium has a three month lag time. I see by your post that you're under the same impression. As I'm a benzobuddies addict, I've read other people's posts that make me feel inclined towards this lag time. Please, to anyone reading this, these are not serious studies or anything like it. They're just personal conclusions of people going through this and trying to make sense of it all. I'm not even off the drug. I'm just trying, like everyone else. Cantfly, I had forgotten most of what I wrote and read last summer, except for all the suffering. Going back through my posts, I have read how you and Gardener saved me, were there for me every day, and probably saved my life. Forever thankful to both of you.

 

To the open poster, there's a long hold support group for people who are holding their dose for a few months. There's also an updosing support group. You can post on either of them. You click "home", go down to "support groups" and look for them. I hope you start feeling better soon but it can take a while. However, if they keep holding, most people start feeling better eventually.

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Cantfly, what you've just brought up is so very interesting. As you know, I crashed very badly in June. Before that, I was cutting every two weeks as it was the consensus on fb groups that Valium lag time is two weeks. I also read the Ashton manual and my taper speed was even slow for Ashton standards. So I went on cutting every two weeks. I've already stated my opinion on the Ashton tapering speed being too fast for us kindled users, so I won't explain that again. What I am reconsidering lately is the Valium lag time. After going through my own tapering notes of the months before the crash, and through other people's posts I feel more inclined to think that after a cut in my Valium dose, I will feel the cut up to three months afterwards. No wonder I crashed so badly. Cutting big amounts every two weeks, with a lag time of three months, when they all finally piled up it just felt like the Armageddon. I really thought I was dying. I didn't admit myself into a hospital because I knew they'd put me on more drugs. So back to the lag time, I am now more inclined to think that Valium has a three month lag time. I see by your post that you're under the same impression. As I'm a benzobuddies addict, I've read other people's posts that make me feel inclined towards this lag time. Please, to anyone reading this, these are not serious studies or anything like it. They're just personal conclusions of people going through this and trying to make sense of it all. I'm not even off the drug. I'm just trying, like everyone else. Cantfly, I had forgotten most of what I wrote and read last summer, except for all the suffering. Going back through my posts, I have read how you and Gardener saved me, were there for me every day, and probably saved my life. Forever thankful to both of you.

 

To the open poster, there's a long hold support group for people who are holding their dose for a few months. There's also an updosing support group. You can post on either of them. You click "home", go down to "support groups" and look for them. I hope you start feeling better soon but it can take a while. However, if they keep holding, most people start feeling better eventually.

Awww.. :)

I still keep half an eye on ya mate...  -(fwiw).. 

Its an easy job as you settled in quite well and found your spot here..

:)

 

Yes, I hope people dont jump straight to an extended taper conclusion when thinking of lag time.. At that point I was still tapering at Ashton type speeds (were they to continue to those lower doses), -More that I noticed it (for me) due to the pill split cut n hold style, which lead to bigger % cuts at those low doses..

 

Well thats the short story...

:)

 

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I was going at 10% reductions sometimes every 8-10 days. I now realise this was how I messed up.

As most of us do as we find our own paths.. I remember thinking I would do a sensible taper and be off in 4 months (from 5v)..  -Which is quite realistic, but just didnt work out for me...

 

Anyways, I hope you are back on track asap...

All the best..

:)

 

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I am desperate now can't stop panting and screaming from the pain and akathisia, I've been burning up for almost three months. I can't keep going I think I have to die.
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Hi, Benzowarrior

 

For today, you need to decide for yourself that doing anything self-destructive is not how you will go.

 

Also, if you are on Trazadone, please talk to your doctor about what you are feeling. Trazadone comes with side-effects that include burning pain, worsening depression and especially among young people, ideation. You have had a change in how you feel, and your doctor needs to know that and take it very seriously.

 

You don’t have to be completely off of valium before you begin to feel better and recover. Relief and regaining activities can come to you in stages as you heal. Pamster said something to me that I carry with every. single. day: 

 

“When I first joined and started reading the success stories I didn't believe they were real people, now I'm one of those imaginary people.”

 

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