~I Tapered Way Too Fast ~ Time To Regroup ~ It’s A Long Read ~

I’ve not been stable on benzos for the last 1.5 years.  I chose to taper after my PCP increased the alprazolam dose from 3mg/day to 4mg/day shortly after my Mom died.  I was grieving hard.  Alprazolam wasn’t going to fix it.

 

I started a 4mg alprazolam taper in late August, 2018 and completed it on October 10, 2019.  Yeah!!  I was never stable the entire time.  Unfortunately, my former idiot psychiatrist tried to cross me over from alprazolam to clonazepam in November, 2018 with an inappropriate equivalency. In his opinion, my alprazolam taper wasn’t going fast enough.  I thought going from 4mg/day to 2.5mg/day was quite an accomplishment in just over two months!  I was still on 2.5mg of alprazolam when he prescribed a mere 1mg clonazepam.  That’s how I ended up on two benzos.  I was so benzo ignorant at the time!  I’ve learned a lot...but not all.

 

I’ve been tearing through a clonazepam taper at a ridiculous rate. I was at 0.94mg at the end of September, 2019 to 0.54mg today. Three months. In retrospect, it is a bit speedy.  I just wanted to be benzo free and most of all, free from the incessant nausea that has plagued me since before any benzo taper began.

 

I have chronic nausea, insomnia, paresthesia, anxiety, dizziness, carb intolerance, high glucose levels (thank God testing says no diabetes!), agoraphobia and other benzo fueled maladies. It’s only gotten worse.  I’ve been awake since 2 o’clock this morning.  Most mornings it’s around 3 o’clock.  The wake ups are brutal...severe nausea, paresthesia, profuse sweating (this is newer), looping thoughts, and anxiety that I can’t even describe.  The nausea is relentless.  It’s debilitating.  Nothing quells the horror of it...no prescription meds or OTC meds. 

 

I know I’m not alone suffering through a withdrawal.  I never wanted to be THAT person...the lost soul, pathetic, whining, complaining and negative.  I wanted to be a beacon of hope for others. But here I am. Disappointed I’ve become that person.

 

I gave up caffeine at the beginning of the alprazolam taper.  Oh, I miss my morning coffee!! I was too nauseated and anxious to start my day with it.  I don’t use any added sugar, no sugar substitutes, no candy (even chocolate!!!), no gluten (due to hypothyroidism/Hashimoto’s), I eat fresh fruits, cooked veggies, chicken breast, mashed potatoes, avocado, gluten free crackers, yogurt and lots of water.  I force myself to eat.  I’m agoraphobic, light sensitive, balance issues, extremely thin from a 50 pound weight loss and can’t gain any weight back.  I’ve tried, sometimes to my detriment, by eating what I call “trigger foods”.  Lesson learned there! 

 

All morning I debated on whether or not to up dose to reach some kind of homeostasis.  I read some interesting posts on these boards and made my decision.

 

I am not going to up dose but despite my eagerness to be benzo free, I’m forced to hold at 0.54mg.  I’m hoping it won’t be long and then I’ll continue the taper at a symptom based, reasonable rate. 

 

I’m so disappointed but I really can’t continue feeling like this much longer.  I’ve been to the ER at least three times in the last 1.5 years.  Blood tests, X-rays, CT scans, prodding and probing.  It’s benzo withdrawal.  Period.  Well, I did have surgery in November for an umbilical hernia but that’s been around for a few years and started to cause pain.

 

I’m not thrilled to be where I am right now, but I’ve accepted it.  I’m hoping this new strategy pays off in the form of a smoother taper.

 

Thank you for reading my novel. 

 

I’ll take any encouragement you care to give!

 

Thank you.

 

SG

💜

Hello SeptGirl,

 

I know this sounds corny but hang in there! You're not on your own, you will make it through and you will be much better. Think of all this suffering as your body readjusting after all this year. And the full healing cannot start until you're free of those medications. Having said that, there is no concern/shame to have in slowing down the taper and holding for a while until symptoms are under control. Updosing is your real nemesis here (says the late Prof Ashton).

 

The level of incompetence/ignorance in the medical profession when it comes to benzos / Z-class drugs never ceases to amaze me. At my last consultation, a week ago, the doctor wanted me to updose by 100% and remain on that increased dose for an extra month before I taper. Why Oh why?!? I guess I was in a pitiful state because of the withdrawal symptoms and she thought she was doing me a favour by offering to increase my dose...

 

SG

Hello SeptGirl,

 

I know this sounds corny but hang in there! You're not on your own, you will make it through and you will be much better. Think of all this suffering as your body readjusting after all this year. And the full healing cannot start until you're free of those medications. Having said that, there is no concern/shame to have in slowing down the taper and holding for a while until symptoms are under control. Updosing is your real nemesis here (says the late Prof Ashton).

 

The level of incompetence/ignorance in the medical profession when it comes to benzos / Z-class drugs never ceases to amaze me. At my last consultation, a week ago, the doctor wanted me to updose by 100% and remain on that increased dose for an extra month before I taper. Why Oh why?!? I guess I was in a pitiful state because of the withdrawal symptoms and she thought she was doing me a favour by offering to increase my dose...

 

SG

 

Thanks @SurreyGuy!

 

I just feel so deflated!  I stopped alprazolam on the anniversary of my Dad’s death on 10/10/19.  That was my goal come hell or high water and I did it! 

 

My next goal was to be clonazepam free by his birthday, February 15th.  I’m obviously not going to make that and perhaps my goal was overly ambitious.  In retrospect, I guess 4.5 months was a bit of an overreach getting off clonazepam.  It’s a beast!!  I think that’s what was part of the reason I was tapering so quickly.  Goal setting.  I guess I’m resigned to the fact I’ll get there when I get there. Just disappointed.  I want to be well again!!

 

I need to be more patient and confident.

 

Doctors are the epitome of legalized drug pushers.  They really are clueless at the expense of ruining other people’s lives.  So angry!  Fortunately, my doctor knows how I’m tapering and hasn’t infringed at all on my schedule.  I’m just hoping that continues so I have the scripts to continue my taper. 

 

Thank you for your kind thoughts. 

 

SG

💜

 

I know I’m not alone suffering through a withdrawal.  I never wanted to be THAT person...the lost soul, pathetic, whining, complaining and negative.  I wanted to be a beacon of hope for others. But here I am. Disappointed I’ve become that person.

 

This is your BWD person, not a person you've become. Your old self is slowly working their way back to the surface.

Thank you @Zurek!  I needed to read that. 

 

SG

💜🙏🏼

 

 

Holding until you feel ready to go forward again is a good choice, I think. And you have been going forward. Best of luck to you!

I think holding is a good choice. I, too, was really hoping to sprint to the finish line, and not hold at all for the last half of my taper. But, you are so right, this Klonopin is a beast alright! Probably the beast of all beasts. I have crashed and burned bad here at .15mg, so I am forcing myself to hold as well. I really don't want to, but I have to stay somewhat functional for my family. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's going to take a long time still to kick this .15mg, I guess that's just the nature of this beast.

 

You are strong and you can do this! I hope you can stabilize and feel better soon!

I think holding is a good choice. I, too, was really hoping to sprint to the finish line, and not hold at all for the last half of my taper. But, you are so right, this Klonopin is a beast alright! Probably the beast of all beasts. I have crashed and burned bad here at .15mg, so I am forcing myself to hold as well. I really don't want to, but I have to stay somewhat functional for my family. I'm coming to terms with the fact that it's going to take a long time still to kick this .15mg, I guess that's just the nature of this beast.

 

You are strong and you can do this! I hope you can stabilize and feel better soon!

 

@hearsaybenz

 

Thank you for the positive message!  I hope we both stabilize quickly and can move forward with our tapers and get off this poison!

 

I hope you feel better soon too.

 

SG

💜

Holding until you feel ready to go forward again is a good choice, I think. And you have been going forward. Best of luck to you!

 

@haveagreatday

 

Thank you for commenting. 

 

Good luck to you on your journey!

 

SG

💜

Hi SG

I am having a difficult time at the moment too. Down to the last phase of my taper and I don't seem to stabilize :-( whivh means I can't jump, which means recovery cannot really start :-(

Really thinking of updosing, which would waste all my efforts...

I guess it's my turn to be lost and seek for support.

SG

Hi, SeptemberGirl

 

I've been thinking about your situation off and on in the back of my mind. I know this thread is about dosing strategies so I don't want it veer off for other people who want to comment on that.

 

Do you have any posts where you discuss what you think may be causing the nausea? Maybe I should read those.

 

Things I've been wondering:

 

Do you feel like your nausea is more attached to the way your head feels or does it seem to be more attached to your lower GI tract? Do you also have pressure/tension in your head. eyes, ears, top of skull, base of skull neck, dizziness, vertigo? And/or do you have cramping or other intestinal symptoms?

 

Something about the way you describe your sensations feels like they're centered more in the vestibular (seasickness) domain rather than in a toxicity (liver, gall bladder, GI tract) domain. Does that seem at all close to how you've been experiencing all this?

 

Rather than send you a PM, I thought I'd go ahead and see if anyone else has any thoughts on this. But I hope people keep replying on the topic of your original post which is about whether to hold your dosage for a while

 

Liz

It's definitely my stomach.  It's not my intestines it's my actual stomach. I have stomach pain too.  I've taken meclizine that would have helped if it was ear/balance issues...though I am dizzy and extremely light sensitive.  I have constant paresthesia (burning skin) usually in my arms.  Tinnitus is very prominent but I always thought that was from too many loud rock concerts.  I now know it's from years on benzos and antidepressants.

 

My gallbladder has been gone for more than 30 years. I've never pinpointed the cause of nausea but pretty sure it's probably from tapering too fast.  I was nauseated before my taper began at 4mg/day of alprazolam...but not to this degree.  Not even close!

 

I have a call into the doctor to discuss transitioning back to alprazolam to get off clonazepam.  It's never agreed with me.  I wouldn't up dose, just cross over.  I never found clonazepam to be "longer acting".  I'm not risking crossing over to Valium. 

 

I'm really at a loss for answers but I can't take this much longer.  The nausea is EXTREME and getting worse.  It wakes me up within two to three hours of going to bed.  I'm so sleep deprived it's ridiculous.

 

Thank you for the thinking about me. I appreciate any help that would bring relief

 

SG

💜