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Feeling lost on BWS coping.


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I just don't know how I am going to do this. I keep thinking back to the week of tapering I tried and failed at. I just do not know how people keep their life together while tapering.

 

I live paycheck to paycheck, meaning there is no way I'll be able to take time off to get through this. There is no way out in this circumstance and I know my WD will be far to debilitating to work.

 

I wake up every morning, disgusted that I am taking these damn pills and it's the only thing on my mind anymore. I just want to get off benzos safely and without anyone to help support me financially I feel as if I am stuck on this pill from hell. Part of me wishes that I could just detox and go through hell for the next few months / years and be done with it. Though I couldn't afford that either.

 

How does everyone do this.. how does one continue to support themselves..

 

I just am lost trying to figure this out. I will happily go to my doctor and convince them to assist with a slow taper but having frequent visits to the docs office will be far to costly. The heart palpitations scare the hell out of me, can't afford to see specialists to make sure everything is working as it should. Dealing with the American healthcare system is guaranteed to put you in debt to the point where bankruptcy is your only option. I can't even afford insurance. This whole situation is just so frustrating..

 

I just have no confidence that I can do this. I want off badly but it brings so much baggage that it just feels impossible.

 

I am venting a bit here, but I'd be interested to know how ANYONE has worked and supported themselves while withdrawling from benzos with all the problems it brings. I envy those of you who were able to stay home and heal because you had the means or a support system to do so. I'm sick of feeling crappy everyday from interdose WD but yet it's like there isn't a thing I can do about it.

 

I've never been good at taking problems head on that were out of my control.

 

Thanks for reading..

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Of course you can keep your life together. I can. How? I'm tapering very slowly.

 

I guess I'm just worried about it. When making a small reduction, how badly has it affected your day to day? I know I shouldn't expect the same from what I've learned but I'd be interested to know!

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I totally get that you're worried about it. I was similarly worried when I started tapering 1.5 years ago. I felt I was going to lose my (demanding) job and envisioned all kinds of doomsday scenarios.

 

Once I switched to Valium, it became much easier. My day to day life has not been horrible. I can function well at my job, and I can do everything else I could before. There's some anxiety in social situations, but I've learned to cope with it. Tinnitus comes and goes. Also, some gastrointestinal symptoms. They are all managable and not debilitating at all. Not fun, but nothing major. I accepted that it will take a while. Once I did, it became much easier psychologically. No rush.

 

Detox is not a good option. It is important to find an understanding doctor who will write you the prescription. I see my doctor once every three weeks but I could easily get away with seeing him maybe once every two months. He helped me learn to cope and I can do it by myself now.

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Zurek, I had to keep it together. No one pays my bills but me. I was pretty sick during my taper, but was always able to work. Sometimes I faked it, but, oh well. Reducing by tiny amounts made getting off the drug possible.

 

I see plenty of ppl on here (and in the past) who keep their lives together. Maybe not well, but they keep things together. Lots of us had/have to work.

 

Once I got on valium and started to taper, I didn't need to see my doc (actually a NP) except twice a year. My scripts all had refills. I just phoned my pharmacy.

 

So maybe things won't be as bad as you fear, Zurek. Hope not.

 

Best,

 

:smitten:

 

Katz

 

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Thanks for the encouragement. I guess I'm just worried to talk to my new doctor about this. The last thing I want him to do is rip me off of them thinking I'll be fine. The uncertainty is driving me insane.
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Actually feeling a little hopeful now. A service technician that we outsource at work was talking to me about this. They were on 2mg xanax a day for 4 years and managed a cold turkey. After a long discussion about it I feel some relief knowing I know somebody that went through it and came out okay. Getting off benzos is by no means easy or straight forward. However the encouragement that I can do this is back. Thanks again to everyone. I am feeling much better about all this.  :)
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Wow, to be able to meet someone in real life who has gone through this, what a find!  I'm glad you're feeling a little more confident. 
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Thanks for the encouragement. I guess I'm just worried to talk to my new doctor about this. The last thing I want him to do is rip me off of them thinking I'll be fine. The uncertainty is driving me insane.

Some people stay quiet about tapering with their Drs, though it can be problematic to not be on the same page... -Esp if one relies on them for overall advice/support... It probs depends on your  relationship and perhaps past experiences with a specific Dr... 

I have a very understanding Dr that has walked and learnt with me, but I have, in the past, also bashed heads with ignorance and arrogance... Id take having an understanding Dr on my side any day..!!

A good supportive Dr can make a huge difference, but sometimes its easier to find that elsewhere than create it in an existing Dr.. This might be easier in some countries than others..

Not being anti Dr, -more just posing the question (for yourself)... “Where do you and your Dr stand, past, present, and future..?

 

With a secure tapering supply, a symptom based taper probably gives you the best chance of maintaining and reaching your goals... -as mentioned...

In time, you will get an idea for your bodys tapering parameters, and be able to plan (or accept) with more clarity or purpose..

It may well be that you can just cruise through a “standard(ish)” taper with a few “bumps” along the way, as the rough “statistics” we have would indicate is common enough..

-I sure hope so, and wish you every success...

:)

 

 

 

 

 

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Zurek... the only thing I can add is to make sure your doctor is benzo savvy. 

I feel so bad for those of you in the US that have to pay for doctor fees.

I understand your doctor fears.  Remember he is there to help you and you are taking the initiative to get off a drug.   

Make sure you have a plan that allows you to go very slow esp. cause you are working.  I am moving forward on my taper, but I did a one year hold at a lower dose, because I was working very hard physically, and could not bear the muscle spasms.  Discuss this before hand with your Doc.  I do not advise cold turkey if you are hoping to keep working even tho your co-worker got away with it.

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Hey all,

 

Unfortunately this is a new doctor of mine. My mother has been seeing him for probably 10-15 years, and swears he is a caring doctor. I may be inclined to believe this as my father wrecked my truck and got a DUI. After that happened my mother was very distressed and the doctor actually took time to meet her and listen to her woes. He probably isn't a bad guy, but considering I don't have any relationship with him, that's what makes me nervous.

 

For the past 8 years I was unprescribed and couldn't afford regular doctor visits so I quit going but with bad anxiety I decided to go back to my regular dose and for those 8 years I never changed my prescription dose. After a bad panic attack over a month ago I was prescribed 1.5mg a day as needed. Though I initially took the 1.5 just for 1 day (the week long taper was hell and I desperately needed relief, this was before I found BB and didn't know what was going on).

 

So even though I'm on a script again, it's likely not long term as it's a monthly prescription. When he asked me if had taken xanax before I told him yes, but didn't mention I was on it for 8 years daily. So now I'm stuck in this mental trap of not wanting to admit about the illicit use as I am afraid of getting in trouble. I don't know how far doctor patient privilege goes with regulated meds. At this point it may as well be a gamble, and I'm worried he won't think I'm responsible enough to handle a slow taper, and just take me off of them and send me on my way.

 

The technician I mentioned earlier was encouraging me that I tell the doctor and that he likely won't ask, but will help me taper off. He did a CT and obviously didn't recommended it. He seems to be one of those people that can handle drug withdrawl fairly well. He did give me his personal.contact information if I ever needed support while going through this, and I am grateful for that.

 

My current mindset is just to bite the bullet, tell my doctor that I have been on 1mg a day for 8 years and after recently finding out about the physical dependence, is to basically beg if him I need to about allowing me to crossover to klonopin, as valium is unlikely, but I cant do this on xanax, the interdose WD are just to intense.

 

If there is anything I should bring along with me that will help my chances of a slow taper? I know bringing the Ashton Manual and a tapering plan could help my chances, but I have no idea if he will help me unless I ask. I plan on mentioning that I need to work and that a rapid taper would make that incredibly difficult.

 

If anything, the risk of being labeled a drug addict and being referred to rehab is my biggest fear. If that happens my life will be destroyed as it leaves my brain no time to heal while tapering to make the jump less crippling.

 

I regret my past choices. I was prescribed for GAD, and was never told what would happen taking it daily, so as far I as I knew, it was safe medication. It was only after I searched online for xanax withdrawal did I realize the horrible mistake I made and it's been killing me inside ever since.

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Zurek two things come to mind.  I am wondering why you think your doc won't allow you to taper with Valium.  It has a much longer action in the body than Clonazepam; it seems that it would be the easiest ride thru withdrawal. 

Also, the Ashton Manuel is the gold standard guide to tapering....it has accurate crossover drug information and lots of wonderful support, but it was written a long time ago - and if you look at a recent post in withdrawal support, there are not many people that can cut as quickly as she suggests.  I was both shocked and relieved to hear that a two-year taper is common.

I recommend suggesting to your doctor to refer to the recent investigative documentary done by Lisa Ling for CNN. On Benzodiazepines.  I recommend you watch it as well.  You can probably just google it.  She shines a huge light on lengthier tapering and even microtapering.  It was a game changer for me and my currrent doctor seemed very interested.  In her documentary she underscores how important it is for the patient to control the speed of their taper. 

Hey best of luck eh? 

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Haha a combination of anxiety/paranoia and I see a lot of of people in the US say it's hard to get prescribed.

 

I'll look up that video. The more material I get the better. Much appreciated!

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I think any half reasonable Dr would appreciate the honesty and history..

And surely a patient led discontinuation would be preferable for everyone involved over a forced detox..?? That would seem a Drs last resort after a history of failed attempts and problems..

The Drs primary role would be one of support..

 

I say this because that is what I have found in a number of state or country guidelines for DODs (Drugs of Dependence) in general...  (not benzo specific)

***You may wish to check your states governing medical body’s guide lines for its Drs..?? It will probably be within a much larger document though..

Sorry, Id link an example, as they all appeared to come from the same or similar template, but it was 6yrs ago that I found them...

From memory, there was something more benzo specific recently from the WHO (World Health Organisation) too... (-anyone..??)

 

Anyways, that aside, chances are that it will all go well with your Dr... I sure hope so...

From memory, the anticipation of what “might” happen is half the battle... -and I think your aware of that... One bridge at a time...

 

So, -Best wishes...

:)

 

 

 

 

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I downloaded a copy of the Ashton Manual (free-online), printed it out and gave it to my GP.

Also, there is enough info in that manual and on this website to come up with your own taper

plan and present it to your GP.  I had to educate my GP as he didn't have a clue about tapering

benzos. You know you are going to have to go slow... maybe slower than you GP might think so

best to educate yourself as best you can before you meet with your GP. If you show him you are

sincere about getting off this drug (in spite of you previous usage) by presenting  your own

taper plan, he might be more inclined to work with you.... mine did.

 

 

Most of the YouTube links for the Lisa Ling Special on Benzo don't work anymore but the one

below still does.... for now. 

 

This is Life With Lisa Ling - Benzo Crisis

 

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Thank you again everyone. Your continued support is so very welcomed.

 

After watching that video... I am at a loss for words...

 

How do I describe this. I have mixed feelings. I am scared, terrified, thinking about the gates of hell that I am going to walk through. I can't stay on xanax, but I also do not know how I can get through this. I don't know if I have the resolve to do this without medical/therapeutic support.

 

In short. I'm horrified after watching that video. I want to keep telling myself that these are worst case scenarios, however after being on BB for a few weeks, I have learned a great amount, but I've also seen the poor souls on here and what they're going through.

 

I have been in contact with a medical detox / therapy clinic called Footprints. They support the decision to go on a slow tapering plan, but they are very adamant about me going 3 times a week for therapy as well. Unfortunately it's an hour and half away from where I live and having blurry vision and trouble seeing in the dark, let alone driving there. They genuinely care about the severity of benzo withdrawl and are very supportive about taking the right steps to successfully come off the xanax. I did ask out of curiosity about their tapering plan, and of course it's a month long detox with two months therapy, for $5000 a month.

 

At this moment, unless I can get help with a slow taper, keeping my very demanding job and meager apartment seems impossible. I am at such a crossroads right now. I appreciate everyone here, I really do. We suffer together and yet l, I haven't even started.. the liquid microtaper sounds preferable, but it also sounds like it's easy to screw up and even less easy to have a supportive doctor.

 

My mind is constantly obsessing over getting off this crap, I even dream about it. It's like my brain knows it's coming and wants me to reconsider lol. My mind is just so scrambled on what to do and what's going to happen to me. However much like with withdrawl, I think I need time to prepare myself financially and mentally. Thank you all again. I appreciate you helping and encouraging me.

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It certainly doesn't hurt to ask your doc if he'll support you on a crossover to Valium and a slow taper. I honestly can't imagine why he wouldn't. The most important thing is to make a solid plan, and take it slow. Looks like you tried a 25% cut right out of the gate... I can see how that would knock ya on your ass.

 

Also, I've been managing a very high stress job throughout this whole journey. Some days are ok, but others are utterly miserable. I have to fake like I'm "normal" when in reality I'm dying on the inside. I am just gritting my teeth, praying for windows, and pressing on.

 

I have an NP that has fortunately been very supportive (even though she doesn't believe me that this WD is causing all of these problems). But at least she supports a slow taper, and that's all I need. I don't even need to go in and see her, I just send her a text with an update of where I'm at on my dose, and she sends my script to the pharmacy. I told her I wanted to try a cross to Valium, and she just blindly sent that script in as well. It was surprisingly easy to find someone that will just fork out prescriptions for this poison. It really disgusts me really. But I need that woman to keep my meds flowing until I can be free of this shit forever.

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