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9 weeks, 1 day cold turkey


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The headachy band pressure thing around my head has subsided a bit. Less frequent at least.

Anxiety intensified by about 10x for a couple weeks, has now subsided, but where it has subsided, irritability and anger have taken its place. I don’t like being mean, but I’ll take it annnyyyyyyyyyy day over anxiety. That’s why it’s difficult to say I’m doing better. I am in some ways, in others not. Still working 40 hours a week, never stopped, never called in sick, picked up extra hours when they asked me to. Just started spring semester at university, another 20 class hours per week plus homework added to my schedule. I think it hurts me some, but because of my crippling and hopeless feelings of emptiness and isolation-of being completely and totally alone- I think having somewhere to be, something to do, people counting on me (in whatever disconnected, trivial sort of way), and generally being surrounded by others-even if I can’t or don’t talk to them- is also good for me. Maybe overall I’d say in a little over 2 months I am 5-7% better. 10 is too much.

 

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I'd say you've mastered distraction and pushing through the symptoms, wow!  Keep up the good work, you're doing what you have to do while suffering unbelievable pain, you won't have to lose years of your career path due to this.  The strength it's taking you to do this will serve you well the rest of your life, I'm in awe! 
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I am impressed. You are working full time in benzo wd? Yikes. Good for you!

This tells me you will have no trouble healing from benzos. Someone who is able to work, take care of business, is going to be just fine.

Keep it up.

east

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I am impressed. You are working full time in benzo wd? Yikes. Good for you!

This tells me you will have no trouble healing from benzos. Someone who is able to work, take care of business, is going to be just fine.

Keep it up.

east

I'd say you've mastered distraction and pushing through the symptoms, wow!  Keep up the good work, you're doing what you have to do while suffering unbelievable pain, you won't have to lose years of your career path due to this.  The strength it's taking you to do this will serve you well the rest of your life, I'm in awe!

 

Thanks for the support, but I work at animal hospital and a store, stocking things. Neither of my jobs require much brain power or focus and attention. I am very lazy and often go lie down in the backseat of my car for 10 or 20 minutes when I am not supposed to. I do what I can, but it’s not exactly like I’m operating at a high level. I’m just getting by. Some days I can barely even speak. Someone will say something and I almost freeze. Like my mind instantly thinks, we’re so tired. We’re so worn out, there’s no energy left. Just ignore them and they’ll go away. Just smile at them, that will be enough. We don’t have the energy for anything else.

I’m just very exhausted. One of the worst parts is how terribly alone I feel. With the nature of the withdrawal, I am even more anxious, less open, less capable of being around and interacting with others, which of course exacerbates the isolation and feeling of hopelessness. Anyway, almost 10 weeks in. 11/03/2020 will be 1 year. Can’t wait

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You’re working... kudos for just showing up. You’re not lazy, your nervous system is sensitive to everything for now. Each day is a day closer to wellness. Keep marking time...and try not to get caught taking car breaks.  Keep on faking it with people. You’re doing as well as anyone could under the circumstances.

 

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You're doing this right, you're going through the motions, keeping your life together as you go through this, it's going to pay off when you heal.  Your life won't be in shambles as so many here have had happen, you won't have to start over.  You'll be stronger, more patient and grateful for your new and improved life when you get past this.

 

I can't imagine dealing with barking dogs with the sound sensitivity you're probably experiencing!

 

Oh and I agree with Challis, you're not lazy, you're surviving and the little rest stops you're taking are allowing you to function.

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Lol yes, the dogs are brutal. We have a big room full of maybe 75 kennels. When I go in there it reminds me of war movies where a flash bang grenade will be thrown and there’s only that high pitched sort of buzzing and ringing for sounds. Since I added 20 school hours to my life i’m Going to take an extra day off work, so I’ll only work 5 days instead of 6, which will be nice. Put it in my mind I won’t feel a ton better until a year, so I just have to keep going, doing the best I can.

Thanks challis and pam

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Feeling alone is  hallmark of benzo wd. I give you huge kudos for your work, caring for animals. I love animals, they need us, and have limited way of communicating with us.I can "read" my cat, Bear, easily. Just because of how well I know him. I guess you could say I speak "Bear Cat."

I give you a lot of credit for working through this. That takes guts and determination. I sure could not have done this.

You are also going to school? To study what?? Goodness you do have a lot on your plate, but good for you.

east

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Feeling alone is  hallmark of benzo wd. I give you huge kudos for your work, caring for animals. I love animals, they need us, and have limited way of communicating with us.I can "read" my cat, Bear, easily. Just because of how well I know him. I guess you could say I speak "Bear Cat."

I give you a lot of credit for working through this. That takes guts and determination. I sure could not have done this.

You are also going to school? To study what?? Goodness you do have a lot on your plate, but good for you.

east

 

It is very relaxing and rewarding. I work with cats mostly, dogs too, but less frequently.

 

Guts, yes. It is very difficult to force yourself to be around dozens of other people when you are having a panic attack on the inside and feel like you’ll die. Your brain feels like it will explode your thoughts are racing so intensely, but at the same time your head is empty. It’s like someone has car jumper cables on your nerves and neurons and is shocking the hell out of everything, speeding it up. But what is sped up isn’t exactly clear, it’s just a complete hyper stimulation. Very horrible feeling.

 

I’m finishing my junior year, 2 more semesters after this 1. Biochemistry major

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I worked through my withdrawal too, sometimes I'd hide in the bathroom to get away from people, it was so hard to fake being my normal self, I was sure I wasn't pulling it off, but apparently I was.  I remember trying to hold my facial expression just right when people were talking to me, I had the most trouble with trying to hold my lips just right so people wouldn't be able to see the inner trembling and agitation I was feeling.  This makes us so hyper aware of things which come naturally to those not withdrawing from benzo's. 

 

I'm glad you can hang out with the cats too, they're so calming.  Keep up the great work, you're going to make it!

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theperfectdrug,

I have always been a "Cat Person." there is just something about cats that appeals to me. I cant stand how dogs smell, for one thing. Cats are clean, they groom , and they can be so affectionate. My Bear is a huge "hunka burning love", to quote Elvis. He adores me, and I adore him. We are perfect companions. Sort of like best friends being roommates.

LOL!

east

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I  worked through my WD too.  I thought I was going to have to retire early.  Luckily I was able to "fake it until I made it," well at least for the most part.  It was super hard and I ended up using about 20 sick days on the really really bad days.  Now, I love my job and look forward to going to work each day.  You'll get there.  Just keep doing what you are doing.
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