Sleep Will Return!

[[Buddie]]

Please be positive and try to stop thinking or saying "I can't believe that I will sleep again."
Cynicism and skepticism have filled our lives.  We need to get out of the habit of questioning and doubting the possibility of things...
It's not whether Time will help, but whether we believe it will happen!
Focus on those that recovered and got their sleep back!

Ask yourself (and be honest) what you are doing to improve your personal health and lifestyle?
Are there things you can do that would help your overall health and promote sleep?

No one can keep you in your current situation, except you!
Understand the root word of responsibility is response.  You may not be able to control anything happening to you from withdrawal, but you can control your RESPONSE to it.
You have the power and the ability to respond to your current situation in any way you choose to.  You can be negative and play the "I feel sorry for myself card," or you can look WD or insomnia or whatever you are trying to overcome in the "eye" and choose to improvise and adapt and live the best possible life you can given the crummy circumstances.
In your response, lies true healing and recovery!

No one can keep you down, but you!
You are not a victim, you CAN get past this by dealing with your thoughts, actions and reactions.
I look at veterans and others that lost limbs or are wheelchair bound and they rise up and meet their disability head on and live life to the fullest.  They are an inspiration to me and so are many on this forum.  Everyone is fighting their own battles daily.  Please don't be a victim.  Be a person that overcomes.  Be positive.  Be thankful.  Things could always be worse?

You WILL overcome and get some livable sleep back, it may not be perfect or the amount you want and it might not be "refreshing" at first, but it can come back to the point where you can enjoy life again.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks for this.
I just can't handle the [...] terrors and repeated rem broken sleep. A full [...] of utter horror. Both subconsciously and consciously

[[Buddie]]

Sorry you are still suffering.  I wouldn't wish insomnia or sleep deprivation on my worst enemy.  Lots of broken REM sleep is par for the course.  I still get periods of lots of REM sleep and broken sleep without the [...] terrors.  Hoping 2020 provides relief from the [...] terrors and your sleep dramatically improves.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks for always coming back and offering some encouragement. I'm still struggling with sleep, mostly on work nights. I had two weeks off over break and noticed some very good nights of sleep compared to where I was and I was even able to nap many days. However, for whatever reason, my sleep is very bad on work nights. Last [...] I went to bed around 11:00 but didn't fall asleep until after 12:00 and woke up at 4:00 wide awake. The problem for me is this little sleep leads to much worse mental symptoms including anger, depression, fatigue, burnout, etc. And I did have sleep issues prior to benzo withdrawal. I do respond pretty well to antihistamines but I try to only take a half of one per week. Not sure what to do about getting a normal sleep routine back during the workweek. I am active and exercise. I eat pretty well and drink tons of water. I work five days a week in a job that I wouldn't consider that hard. I socialize and stay busy with projects at home.

[[Buddie]]

There's no denying that there's tremendous suffering that comes with wd, and insomnia can be especially brutal. [...] is absolutely correct from a neuroscience perspective. Focusing on the negative, and programing our brain computers with statements like, "I'll never heal. I'll never sleep again. I can't survive this." reinforced the neural pathways that activate our sympathetic nervous system, release stress hormones, and make sleep more difficult. It's like a habit. The more you reach for that cigarette when you have a cup of coffee, the more you crave a cigarette whenever you even smell coffee. Indulging and entertaining catastrophic self-defeating thoughts strengthens those connections so just having [...] fall or seeing our bed, activates our sympathetic (think fight-flight) nervous system.

Of course those thoughts are going to come. Notice them, label them ("Oh, there's my catastrophic thinking again. My brain is doing the best it can and is healing. Back to the present moment now."), let them fly around, but don't make a comfy, cozy nest for them. Forming new pathways, new habits, is hard work but very much worth it.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks for always coming back and offering some encouragement. I'm still struggling with sleep, mostly on work nights. I had two weeks off over break and noticed some very good nights of sleep compared to where I was and I was even able to nap many days. However, for whatever reason, my sleep is very bad on work nights. Last [...] I went to bed around 11:00 but didn't fall asleep until after 12:00 and woke up at 4:00 wide awake. The problem for me is this little sleep leads to much worse mental symptoms including anger, depression, fatigue, burnout, etc. And I did have sleep issues prior to benzo withdrawal. I do respond pretty well to antihistamines but I try to only take a half of one per week. Not sure what to do about getting a normal sleep routine back during the workweek. I am active and exercise. I eat pretty well and drink tons of water. I work five days a week in a job that I wouldn't consider that hard. I socialize and stay busy with projects at home.

Hi Boombox....

Sorry you are still suffering...I really thought things would have turned a corner for you by now?  But that is the unpredictable nature of Benzo WD. No one knows how long WD or symptoms will last and at what intensity?  Are still in the same line of work you were in last year at this time?  I am sure that has something to do with it, especially since you sleep better on nights you don't have to go to work the following day.  Strange thing is, I sleep better on Friday and Saturday [...] too.  Actually I should say I sleep longer as I know I don't have to wake up for anything.  Sorry about the anger, depression and fatigue.  Have you tried CBT?  Meditation?  I don't know why recovery takes so long for some?  I had a poor [...] last week Thursday.  I didn't fall asleep until 2am and was wide awake at 4:15 am.  I get those nights every few months, but mostly I get 7 or 8 hours every [...].  Some nights I even get 9 or 10!    Not saying that to "rub it in" but to give hope.  My sleep is still slowly getting better, especially when I look back at the length of time and quality of my sleep over the past few years.  I had an insomnia only wave at 18 months and then again at 30 months and some smaller blips along the way.  I had what I call a "mini" wave in October where I had a 1 hour [...] followed by a 2 hour and a 4 hour [...].  But things always even out.  I have also had nice stretches (8 - 10 weeks) of very "normal" sleep.  I take an antihistamine about 3 times per week to combat my gluten sensitivity.  Taking one helps reduce my symptoms if and when I eat anything with gluten.  It is the 24-hour kind, so I think it helps a bit with sleep? It is Cetirizine and sold OTC.  You are doing everything right, so it's just a matter of time.  Hang in there. 

[[Buddie]]

When it's been 21.5 months and you are still not getting adequate sleep, it's hard to believe that you will ever adjust. The fact that my sleep is better when I'm not working proves that stress is aggravating my symptoms but there's just no way I can quit my job. I actually like my job now for the most part besides weird run-ins with my boss. I'm just not sure how to calm my mind down when I wake up at 4:00 for no reason. It even happens when I have good days too. I just don't know what to do at this point because the lack of sleep affects everything in my day to day.

[[Buddie]]

Thanks for always coming back and offering some encouragement. I'm still struggling with sleep, mostly on work nights. I had two weeks off over break and noticed some very good nights of sleep compared to where I was and I was even able to nap many days. However, for whatever reason, my sleep is very bad on work nights. Last [...] I went to bed around 11:00 but didn't fall asleep until after 12:00 and woke up at 4:00 wide awake. The problem for me is this little sleep leads to much worse mental symptoms including anger, depression, fatigue, burnout, etc. And I did have sleep issues prior to benzo withdrawal. I do respond pretty well to antihistamines but I try to only take a half of one per week. Not sure what to do about getting a normal sleep routine back during the workweek. I am active and exercise. I eat pretty well and drink tons of water. I work five days a week in a job that I wouldn't consider that hard. I socialize and stay busy with projects at home.

Hi Boombox....

Sorry you are still suffering...I really thought things would have turned a corner for you by now?  But that is the unpredictable nature of Benzo WD. No one knows how long WD or symptoms will last and at what intensity?  Are still in the same line of work you were in last year at this time?  I am sure that has something to do with it, especially since you sleep better on nights you don't have to go to work the following day.  Strange thing is, I sleep better on Friday and Saturday [...] too.  Actually I should say I sleep longer as I know I don't have to wake up for anything.  Sorry about the anger, depression and fatigue.  Have you tried CBT?  Meditation?  I don't know why recovery takes so long for some?  I had a poor [...] last week Thursday.  I didn't fall asleep until 2am and was wide awake at 4:15 am.  I get those nights every few months, but mostly I get 7 or 8 hours every [...].  Some nights I even get 9 or 10!    Not saying that to "rub it in" but to give hope.  My sleep is still slowly getting better, especially when I look back at the length of time and quality of my sleep over the past few years.  I had an insomnia only wave at 18 months and then again at 30 months and some smaller blips along the way.  I had what I call a "mini" wave in October where I had a 1 hour [...] followed by a 2 hour and a 4 hour [...].  But things always even out.  I have also had nice stretches (8 - 10 weeks) of very "normal" sleep.  I take an antihistamine about 3 times per week to combat my gluten sensitivity.  Taking one helps reduce my symptoms if and when I eat anything with gluten.  It is the 24-hour kind, so I think it helps a bit with sleep? It is Cetirizine and sold OTC.  You are doing everything right, so it's just a matter of time.  Hang in there.

I switched from teaching English to a Librarian job so it's way easier. It can't get any easier in education. I teach one period a day, which is a yearbook class. Yes, the class brings undue stress and it's my first year doing it and I have some lousy students in there. And my boss sort of rides me for no reason. Do you think it's fine to take an antihistamine a couple days during the school week? I don't think I need them on the weekends. I have been splitting a Unisom tab in half.

[[Buddie]]

Acceptance is what it is. You have to accept it and stay with a job you like.  You are getting sleep and that's a positive! Nobody can make anyone accept and be positive.  What are the options? 

[[Buddie]]

@ Boomboxboy:  I can't (not supposed to per forum rules) give medical advice so you'll have to do a trial and error regarding how often you take an antihistamine.  I know if you take them every [...], you could become dependent on them and they will most likely stop working for what you are taking them for--sleep, but I also know you wouldn't do that, so IMO, I don't think they'll do much if you limit them to a few nights during your work week when it seems like sleep will be hard to come by? Congrats on the job change.  A friend of mine went from being a 4th grade classroom teacher to a K-5 librarian.  He really likes it too.  Less stress and only one class to teach per day.  That should help with your stress and anxiety levels?  Really hoping you turn a corner soon or find a way to deal and cope with the poor nights.  I know that I wish I had the coping skills and drug education that I have now...I never would have went on Benzos.