Fabulous Fifties Support Group

Happy New Year All!! I feel like us "older kids" may have some stories of healing unique to our age so thought I'd start a thread where we can connect. I am new to benzobuddies but not new to benzo withdrawal. I went through c/t wd from Klonopin in 2015 having no idea what I was in for. It was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I am currently dry microdose tapering from lorazepam and thanks to sites like this I am doing it with a much more informed approach!

 

I've been medicated for depression (and anxiety a few yrs later) since I was 19. I have been on a variety of polydrug cocktails for 30+ years (ADs, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics and benzo's). I only have my med history going back to late 2014 and in that time I have been prescribed 21 psych meds, including 2 benzos. HOW did I let this happen?? HOW could I not see what was happening to me? WHY didn’t my husband or family members DO something to help me? HOW could all of the doctors I’ve seen over the many years not see what they were doing to me?  Sound familiar???

 

I swore after the K-pin wd that I would never again take another benzo. I am ashamed to say that 2 years after that withdrawal, my psychiatrist prescribed lorazepam for me and I took it. I can't recall if he explained that it was a benzo. I'm certain when I first started working with him I told him I'd never take them again. So I was shocked to learn a few months ago that I was again taking a benzo. I just trusted (again) and now am back to facing down this withdrawal beast again. I feel so foolish- and duped.

 

So here we are, the eve of 2019. The end of a decade. I have many regrets but I have learned an awful lot about myself as well. Even in the bad parts I learned good things. So I’m going to leave behind what doesn’t serve me, take forth what does. And set intentions of well-being for the new year and new decade. Care to join me? I’d love to have some friends to support and be supported by in the journey ahead.

 

I wish you all the joy and well-being I can muster!

 

Hugs,

J

Hi

When you say fabulous 50 s

do you mean we are in our 50 s

or born in the 1950 s ?

Thank you

Hi! I was speaking about being in our fifties but of course anyone would be welcome! I saw that there was a 60+ group already so decided to see if any of the fifty crew wanted to gather together. Happy day!

Hi Dont4Get2Breathe. I am 55 and have a very similar story to yours. I first was put on psychiatric meds for anxiety and depression when I was 25. I was severely poydrugged for many years.

 

I believe I was in tolerance to Kolonopin for many many years that was making me very ill but I didn’t realize it until a year ago. I have been tapering 1.5 mg Kolonopin since March. Being in my 50’s my greatest fear is that the time to taper and then recover will be so great that I will “run out of time” if you know what I mean. Younger people may not have that fear but they may be missing out on schooling, career, children raising issues than us. So, I don’t think it is ever easy but being in my 50s makes me eager to heal and get on with my life. Can anyone relate?

Hey John! NO WAY...we are not going to run out of time! We have great things to do with our new selves! I have begun hiking again and although I am still in a fog most of the time (and “fluttery”- that constant feeling of butterflies in my diaphragm area which I assume is akathisia), I am finding a little bit of clarity when I’m out in the woods. I would give anything to also have feelings of actual JOY come through. It has been so long since I’ve felt anything like true joy. THAT is my goal. Care to join me on this search and rescue mission? 

We certainly have a similar history. I look forward to learning more from you as we muddle through this. Happy weekend!!

I m 51 and I m not running out of time.  I m going to WIN and so are each one of you.  I want my life back!

Atta Girl BNot!! Let’s DO this thing and get it all back and more!!

I'm 51 and I'm in. Not feeling very well today so I'll post when I have positive things to share.

I am hanging in there got stuff done it's early here and giving myself a bit to control only what I can.  Today is not perfect but it's not where I was a month ago.  I m Healing!  I m working on acceptance.

 

B

I am 51.

 

I began taking a benzo at age 8 (librax--an antiemetic combined with librium). I took that until age 24 did a cold turkey, had no idea of what was happening. Began taking K on and off at 31 and ended up with daily usage ... have had trouble tapering so am not at the moment. Also on mirtazapine.

 

I am finding these years so hard. Kids growing up, one is in college and rarely home although he did take a gap year so is home with us this year. My youngest is 17 and will leave for college in a year and a half and has had very significant health issues that I am having a hard time with dealing with how sick he has been. My mom has Parkinson's and is in a nursing home after breaking her hip in February. My dad died four years ago.

 

I know many of my friends not on benzos feel similarly ... that these years are hard. I know the group is "Fabulous Fifties"--and I don't mean to be a downer, but I certainly don't feel Fabulous!

 

 

I’m 51.

 

Been ill since 1996 (late 20s) with ME/CFS and then hurt back and had to have surgery and was on diazepam since 2001. Was on Zopiclone since 1996.

Have reinstated times because body is crushing itself but now get paradoxical effects from all meds.

 

Something to ask the women here.

 

Since first got off my periods stopped. Everytime reinstated or took another gaba Drug like Baclofen started bleeding again within days. Now stopped again. Ultrasound shows not in menopause but clearly of that age. Was regular as clockwork before WD.

 

Anyone else?

Ajusta were you meaning to post this on the fabulous fifties group or on the menopause and hormones group? I'm not there yet but I'm really looking forward to adding the delights of menopause to the delights of benzo withdrawal. Oh, the joys of life.

Meant to put it here. I’m not in menopause according to scan. Just wondered of others in 50s had periods suddenly stop in WD.

Meant to put it here. I’m not in menopause according to scan. Just wondered of others in 50s had periods suddenly stop in WD.

 

I recall having read many of those. In summer I had a bad crash and all my body went crazy however the period was still there. Weird. But I've read posts mentioning period disappeared for months after CT or rapid taper.

Yes I think you are right no matter taper or CT it is waves and windows.  We just have to keep going even if it's tough.

 

B

I’m 51.

 

Been ill since 1996 (late 20s) with ME/CFS and then hurt back and had to have surgery and was on diazepam since 2001. Was on Zopiclone since 1996.

Have reinstated times because body is crushing itself but now get paradoxical effects from all meds.

 

Something to ask the women here.

 

Since first got off my periods stopped. Everytime reinstated or took another gaba Drug like Baclofen started bleeding again within days. Now stopped again. Ultrasound shows not in menopause but clearly of that age. Was regular as clockwork before WD.

 

Anyone else?

 

I haven't noticed a difference between when I was in withdrawal and during reinstatement. I have gone almost four months now without a period and starting to have hot flashes. Also 51. I think at this age no matter what the hormones test show, things will be irregular. I am hoping I am done for good as the PMS caused me to get on benzos as an adult--I was not sleeping two weeks a month.

Omgosh! Maybe I should have titled this the 51 Club!! Me toooo!! I have been in perimenopause for about 2 years now. Just when I think I'll finally make it to a year free, Aunt Flo makes an appearance and the counter resets.  I do believe my PMS has increased during the last few months tho. Not a fan!

This is a powerful group with many of us born in 1968. All monkeys. NJ strength my Pms is a nightmare. Can't wait to get rid of it but terrified of menopause as some people say it's very very tough.

Im 53, soon to be 54. Fourteen months off ativan. I too have the chest flutters, palpitations, and butterflies. Chest pain has diminished, but I also want to feel true JOY again. Im much better than I was a year ago, but really would like to regain my true emotions again. I feel very neutral, especially around those I love. I dont feel happy when I should be happy or sad when I should be sad. Can any of you 50+ers relate? Looking forward to healing more in 2020!

Fp1984 I live in constant fear alternated with waves of depression. And I'm nowhere near being off the benzo.

Im 53, soon to be 54. Fourteen months off ativan. I too have the chest flutters, palpitations, and butterflies. Chest pain has diminished, but I also want to feel true JOY again. Im much better than I was a year ago, but really would like to regain my true emotions again. I feel very neutral, especially around those I love. I dont feel happy when I should be happy or sad when I should be sad. Can any of you 50+ers relate? Looking forward to healing more in 2020!

 

I know I do have strong emotions now, but it is definitely more sadness than happiness. I am grateful for what I have but just find these years to be beating me up, between sick and dying parents, my 17 year old has been very ill for almost 18 months, I can't believe that I am just where I am in my career (I took time off when kids were younger, no regrets but it definitely set me back), marriage is okay but really no intimacy, I just never feel good and I am not currently tapering (I feel like I have had a cold for the past five months). Congratulations though for being off. I am sure in time you will be better.

This is a powerful group with many of us born in 1968. All monkeys. NJ strength my Pms is a nightmare. Can't wait to get rid of it but terrified of menopause as some people say it's very very tough.

 

I was born May 68, was premature, think I heard about the revolution in Paris and wanted to get out and join in....

 

 

I always had terrible chocolate cravings before period and now literally can’t stop eating biscuits. I’m not joking. It is horrific. Like I am being remote controlling btrolled and not in my head. Also no feeling of ever having eaten anything g however much I eat. Not sure how much of that is hormones stuff.

 

Ultrasound shows my womb lining is thick like due period and have folicles read on ovaries but no periods.

This is a powerful group with many of us born in 1968. All monkeys. NJ strength my Pms is a nightmare. Can't wait to get rid of it but terrified of menopause as some people say it's very very tough.

 

I was born May 68, was premature, think I heard about the revolution in Paris and wanted to get out and join in....

 

 

I always had terrible chocolate cravings before period and now literally can’t stop eating biscuits. I’m not joking. It is horrific. Like I am being remote controlling btrolled and not in my head. Also no feeling of ever having eaten anything g however much I eat. Not sure how much of that is hormones stuff.

 

Ultrasound shows my womb lining is thick like due period and have folicles read on ovaries but no periods.

 

😅

 

That sure describes you Ajusta.

Yep!

 

Wish I was well enough to be out there trying to change stuff right now.

I'm another 1968 monkey. We musn't scare off the others! Anyone out there who is 59?