Anyone else feel "awakened"?

This maybe a strange question to ask.. But does anyone else feel as though that these benzos have kept them asleep for years, and that in coming off them, you're suddenly "waking up" for the first time in years? I look around and it feels like I'm really "seeing" things "properly" for the first time in years.. It feels as though I've been sedated for years on end and it's quite a strange feeling..

 

Anyone else get this?

Yes, yes, yes.  I feel like I slept through 25 year.  Even when things were happening, a lot of things did not feel real and felt dreamlike, which I now realize was just me being drugged.  There are so many things I was not aware of that I am now starting to see.  I keep becoming aware of even more things as I have more time off benzos.  I'm 16 months off now.  Just recently I started to get some empathy back, where I did not have to actively try to imagine myself in the other person's shoes, but it just happened! That did not just happen for me while on benzos. 

Benzos are amnesiacs.  It’s no wonder memories of events during the time of use are notably few.

 

But wonderful feeling to be ‘alive’ again. Glad you’ve gotten there. 

But does anyone else feel as though that these benzos have kept them asleep for years, and that in coming off them, you're suddenly "waking up" for the first time in years?

 

Yup.

 

 

Katz

The psych drugs and benzos slowly ate my life up until I was nothing at all. Stopping all of them was the best decision I ever made. Waking up is strange because the last 20 years of my life don't feel real.

I felt like that when first got off the first time before everything turned to shit.

 

Felt like had come up from under dirty water and was free.

Yes, that's what it's been like for me as well! During my taper I noticed that colors were actually more vivid. I started laughing and crying again as emotions came back. I took a lot of long walks in nature to let my feet, gaze, and mind wander. 

 

I did (and still do) find all the new sensory and emotional input to be overwhelming at times, and the blurry memories from the past decade made DP/DR pretty unbearable in the early months of post-withdrawal. Learning to manage it all has been at the foundation of my long-term recovery.

 

If you can harness the sense of wonder into mindfulness practice (whatever that looks like for you, for me it was journal writing, yoga, and meditation) it may help you cope with mental symptoms like anxiety or depression that may crop up.

 

I hope you enjoy the emerging clarity and celebrate it as things continue to get better for you.

 

Thanks for this post.  I was wondering where my feelings had gone.  When I finally read the Ashton Manuel she talks of 'emotional blunting'.  I thought it was a natural thing of getting older. 

 

Now I feel like there is a deeper me.  I call it my spirit but it lives in my heart.  I'll be watching TV or just listening to someone talk and my heart will crack open and I'll be flooded with feeling.....  I welcome this part of myself back.  I've only noticed it as I get down to the lower end of my taper. 

 

Its different than the suicidal feeling I used to get while on Clonazepam.  That was a very matter-of-fact feeling that used to permeate my thinking... There was no emotion.  It was very matter-of-fact..... I would just think "now its time to step off".  The feelings I get now are more alive and I can cry and feel good about it.  I'm not suicidal since I switched to Valium and started this taper. 

Yea, emotions are a lot stronger and they feel "real"... for years it's been like I've been dreaming.. I look around and I think "wow.. It's 2020 already??? How did that happen? What's happened to the last ten years of my life..?"

 

It's kind of like that movie "awakenings (with Robert De'Niro) (obviously to a lesser extent).. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

Yes, that's what it's been like for me as well! During my taper I noticed that colors were actually more vivid. I started laughing and crying again as emotions came back. I took a lot of long walks in nature to let my feet, gaze, and mind wander. 

 

I did (and still do) find all the new sensory and emotional input to be overwhelming at times, and the blurry memories from the past decade made DP/DR pretty unbearable in the early months of post-withdrawal. Learning to manage it all has been at the foundation of my long-term recovery.

 

If you can harness the sense of wonder into mindfulness practice (whatever that looks like for you, for me it was journal writing, yoga, and meditation) it may help you cope with mental symptoms like anxiety or depression that may crop up.

 

I hope you enjoy the emerging clarity and celebrate it as things continue to get better for you.

 

 

The bright colours etc jump out ultra 3D and scare the shit out of me like I am going g to explode.