When do the emotions return?

It's been 3yrs 2 months off of benzos after a close to 20 yr span of usage.  The progress and healing seems slow at times but looking back and reflecting on journal entries there has been great improvement.  Most of the physical sx are gone except the ultra sensitivity to light, sound, and environmental changes.  On this end still working on weaning off of Neurontin, which was started to blunt the side effects of BZD withdrawal.  For those of you who are farther down the road of healing a question:  did you feel emotionally blunted for a long time?  If so, when did you start really feeling happiness and those really wonderful sensations?  More and more there are moments of getting choked up with emotion and getting weepy but the opposite of that really hasn't made an appearance in a very long time.  Of course everyone is different in their healing but I just wondered if others experienced this and when did you notice that you could really FEEL the sensation of joy and real happiness again? It's sort of like being cast out onto an island of emotional neutrality during this time of recovery.  Many thanks to those who respond and Happy New Years!

I feel the same as you at 21 months off. I really only feel anger or sadness and then a lot of nothing. I wonder when real joy returns if ever.

I feel the same as you at 21 months off. I really only feel anger or sadness and then a lot of nothing. I wonder when real joy returns if ever.

Me too 26 months off. I feel empty. Cant feel love or joy...except anger o sadness doom and gloom...

Me too. I only feel anger, hatred, sadness, hopelessnesss. Definitely living with half a brain.

Me too I'm numb/ emotionally blunted or angry. On good days I'm sad which is rare.

And extreme fear/terror and ofc negative...

I feel the same as you at 21 months off. I really only feel anger or sadness and then a lot of nothing. I wonder when real joy returns if ever.

Me too 26 months off. I feel empty. Cant feel love or joy...except anger o sadness doom and gloom...

 

sundanceshaman If I remember right you were having some windows. Did you feel joy and love then?

 

My feeling of love for others started to come back some a few months ago but I still feel removed from everything and numb to the world in general.

I look at pictures of myself these past three years and except for the day I got remarried (a window mercifully appeared around that time), the smiles are pretty weak and the eyes definitely don't have the glimmer they used to.  It's comforting just to know there are others in this same situation.

I’m 30 months off and my mental symptoms are still there. However in my first year off I felt absolute despair and emptiness, like it was the end of the world. I’ve definitely seen improvement, I’m not in a deep depression anymore but I still feel kind of flat and unmotivated, but I can sometimes feel positive emotions when earlier on I never did. Healing is real, it happens, it’s just really slow

Sunshine, what symptoms are u mainly dealing with now?

I had been telling my psych I felt “flat” for a year. I don’t think he ever understood. He certainly didn’t do anything about it. Just kept medicating me. I am really yearning for the day when the sun is shining, and a warm breeze is blowing and I feel an internal spark of joy. That’s when I’ll know I’m coming home to myself. Praying for all of us!!

Yep. Pretty-much all of the above. No access to my emotions. What ever angst or frustration I do experience, it feels forced. It's as if the relief valve is stuck! Can't even really cry at this point. It does indeed suck!

I feel the same as you at 21 months off. I really only feel anger or sadness and then a lot of nothing. I wonder when real joy returns if ever.

Me too 26 months off. I feel empty. Cant feel love or joy...except anger o sadness doom and gloom...

 

sundanceshaman If I remember right you were having some windows. Did you feel joy and love then?

 

My feeling of love for others started to come back some a few months ago but I still feel removed from everything and numb to the world in general.

No no joy or love. I know I love my family but it is blank. My cog status is normal... Sometimes I can feel love but very short. I cant feel pleasure either.

I feel the same as you at 21 months off. I really only feel anger or sadness and then a lot of nothing. I wonder when real joy returns if ever.

Me too 26 months off. I feel empty. Cant feel love or joy...except anger o sadness doom and gloom...

 

sundanceshaman If I remember right you were having some windows. Did you feel joy and love then?

 

My feeling of love for others started to come back some a few months ago but I still feel removed from everything and numb to the world in general.

No no joy or love. I know I love my family but it is blank. My cog status is normal... Sometimes I can feel love but very short. I cant feel pleasure either.

I'm so sorry. I know how bad it feels. I haven't had any real windows but some of my feelings of love came back. I'm still struggling with this numbness though and yeah I never feel pleasure. I hope it gets better for you soon.

I have not had emotions for 15 months now.  I have broken down crying a few times though.  I have laughed at poo jokes no more than 5 times in 15 months.  I used to laugh and joke around daily. I feel like I am mentally challenged any intelligent humour does nothing for me.

 

I wonder on average how long it takes for them to come back or if this is ever permanent.  Not sure if it goes hand in hand with the detachment of dp/dr.  I am guessing so. 

I'm happy we are discussing this subject.

 

I was totally not able to feel while taking SSRI and benzos. Before that, everytime I glanced at my cat, I used to feel a warmth inside my heart. Then, NOTHING. Same for a lot of things.

 

After 6 months benzos free, there was improvment. I feel love again, but it's very broken. Even sadness, or stuff like this. But it's definitely better than before. I'm able to be empathetic with my friends'problems.

 

My theory is that this withdrawal was a real trauma for us all, including the reasons we began to take benzos, and that our brains shut down a bit to avoid more suffering. In addition to the anhedonia directly related to benzos.

 

In time it should lift... But it's hard.

This afternoon I thought "OMG it's been an eternity I didn't cry. Did I lost this ability ?". Then I watched the " no cry challenge" on Youtube and broke down in tears. So relieved ! If you feel you need to cry but can't, you can give it a try. It feels good to be able to cry and letting emotions out.

This question has been posted so many times in the last 3 years, cause it seems to be so important to all of us. As far as I remember for the most it was a process. First some little moments when things did not feel SOOO bad any more, later a moment one symptom was less intense, then a moment of pure awareness (a bird! did you hear it!), then a moment you lough with someone.. and then THE moment tears explode out of the eyes and emotions are overwhelming. And then emotions balance out again.

 

I think the moment when emotions really do come back is challenging for the body. I have seen many topic like "I could not stop crying - first time since..." and members being overwhelmed by having true feelings again. I remember that I thought pregnant women would feel like I did, I cried because I was happy, then because I saw a dead flower, then because I was hungry... totally rollercoaster.

 

So, to answer the question in the topic, I think, emotions return, when the system is ready. The body is wise and there is a reason why things happen after each other.

 

Melting the ice can hurt too, so sometimes I think the body just waits a little bit longer to set the heart free... sorry for my bad English...

 

Sending strength to everyone who is still suffering! Hold on!

 

MArigold