Are we going to be fragile forever

Hi,

I don't know where I come up with these things. When you recover however long that takes. I try not to think of it much. Will we be fragile forever. Will we be able too not get thrown into a wave if we do to much. I have some muscle pain and pains and needles. Does that go away. I don't know where this anxiety is going from. Any thoughts?

Hi,

I don't know where I come up with these things. When you recover however long that takes. I try not to think of it much. Will we be fragile forever. Will we be able too not get thrown into a wave if we do to much. I have some muscle pain and pains and needles. Does that go away. I don't know where this anxiety is going from. Any thoughts?

Yes it gets better, but it takes time and what you are feeling is normal, what is not normal is tapering a benzo, none of us have had to do that before, we are like babes in the woods, wondering what comes next. Stay Strong, think of all the good things you have done, and look to the future, your time will come, try to not overthink things, that tends to make us more fragile. I wish you much healing and peace this coming year, do not give up or in to the voices of the benzo  he likes to make us think the worse. You believe you can and you will. 💖 Peace and Healing.

Are you kidding me, after this, we're so tough, you'll be amazed!

 

Anxiety before benzo withdrawal, arghhh, so debilitating, after... you call this anxiety?

 

Insomnia before benzo withdrawal, waaa, I couldn't sleep last night, after... what's a couple of nights without sleep?

 

Panic attack before benzo withdrawal, a trip to the ER, after... been there, done that, lived through it, will again.

 

Restless legs before benzo withdrawal, misery 24/7, I can't take this anymore, after...I can't believe I thought that was bad, I know what really bad is now.

 

Ringing in my ears, it's relentless, I need something to make it stop, after...I'm finally back to a dull roar instead of that train running through my head all the time.

 

This is the worst experience I've ever been through and I'm stronger because of it, I hope you can get a glimpse of the person you're going to be when you recover from this nightmare. 

 

 

 

 

Like you, I was a long term klonopin user (14 years).

It does get better.

My last klonopin was 16 months ago.  I am so much better.

I continue to get better each month.

It just takes time.

Also, the waves are shorter.

Oh thank you so much you guys. I have tears in my eyes. I am so happy you all are feeling better. This is the worst thing ever. Sometimes I can't even believe it myself. Thank you for your kind words and Happy new year!

Even if your Benzo brain does what mine does and try to convince you that these people are lying and some of them are being paid to tell us we all heal. Lol. Don’t listen to the BS your brain tries to convince you of. You can’t trust it, it’s totally broken... but only temporarily.

 

When I first joined and started reading the success stories I didn't believe they were real people, now I'm one of those imaginary people. 

Thank you so much tweed. I cant imagine being like this forever. I guess it is my benzo brain scaring me again.  Its like your afraid to trust or believe what ppl. Your so traumatized.

 

Thanks Pamstet, I can relate to not thinking the ppl are real ppl..lol

 

I cant even believe i am real sometimes going thru this. Its so weitd..lol

 

 

 

Like Pamster said, you will come out of this a better and stronger person. That is honestly how I feel, it’s been a huge wake up call and has changed my life. 

Thanks JJ,

 

It has been a huge wake up call for more too. I will never take things for granted again. What a nightmare. Congrats on being off!,

It all goes away AFTER you get off. You are in tolerance imo and getting off will be tricky, be tough!!!

Thank you keagan,

Yes i always have sx. Sometimes the anxiety gets bad.  Ugh. I will stay tough.  I cant wait to be off. I am at .80 and it goes so slow.

Thank you so much.

It all goes away AFTER you get off. You are in tolerance imo and getting off will be tricky, be tough!!!

 

Keagan are you healed?

Congrats Keegan! You are off. I am sort of in a wave today.  Ugh.

I am so happy for you. 

What Pamster said about becoming "one of those people" just gave me chills. And the good kind, not the withdrawal-induced kind.

 

I think you're probably going to be at some Ninja level of mental fortitude before "this" is even over.

 

We're going to be "one of those people"! 

Haha! Me too. 

Like Pam, I used to think Success Stories were fabrications, or maybe written by utter liars. Benzo brains do NOT evaluate things well at all. Of course they were written by real people and they were NOT lies.  Like Pam, I slowly became one of those people who had healed, and that was utterly miraculous in my case. Like Pam, I am now one of those imaginery people who did heal from this. Oh what a relief!

Writing my own Success Story was very difficult because I could not find the words to describe how bad my cold turkey really was. I STILL cannot describe it. Because I started faking it the minute I joined BB, my old posts and SS entries do not reflect the true horror of how I felt back then. No one on BB hadANY idea how bad my cold turkey really was. That is how well I faked it. And you know what? I now regret that. By faking it so damn well, I lost the opportunity to receive help well. I knew I had to do this, in order to save my damn life. But it also cut me off from some wonderful teaching I might have gotten from people who went before mel

This is hard for to admit now. And it is something I have more thinking about to do. I know that faking it did train my mind to BE more optimistic, and that is truly wonderful for this little old lady. I am not sorry I did this. But I am a bit regretful that I faked it so damn well no one will ever know the true horror story of my cold turkey. It was SO bad, SO incredible, SO hallucinogenic.....Think stuff like the movie "Apocylapse Now." Utter horror, utter dread... so truly disturbing. Life seemed utterly despicable then, in the throes of a horrid cold turkey.

But I survived. Slowly but surely, I healed, and so will all of you. Some of us get dealt a bad hand. Well, we just have to rise above that and try to make our NEW lives better, and that means without benzos and for some, no SSRIs.

 

east (annie)

Thanks Annie,

 

I also have a hard time explaining some sx. I can't even describe them. I am sorry you went through that. It must have been heell on earth. It is still hard to believe that this can happen. It is making my mind split. I fake it too. I do open up and freak out as you know..lol. Somehow the faking it becomes a reality. You start thinking better. I understand it. It worked and it got you through, so it was a good coping skill. Sometimes I wonder when we heal how the heck are we going to not be mentally damaged. It is si traumatizing. I feel like I will be waiting for a wave or doubting myself all the time. Thank you Love Suzy

It all goes away AFTER you get off. You are in tolerance imo and getting off will be tricky, be tough!!!

 

Keagan are you healed?

 

Yes. I got detoxed inpatient and it probably took a bit over 3 yrs for it ALL to go away. But the vast majority of that time the symptoms were just a nuisance and not real suffering.

It all goes away AFTER you get off. You are in tolerance imo and getting off will be tricky, be tough!!!

 

Keagan are you healed?

 

Yes. I got detoxed inpatient and it probably took a bit over 3 yrs for it ALL to go away. But the vast majority of that time the symptoms were just a nuisance and not real suffering.

 

Keagan, are you still taking Cymbalta to treat anxiety & insomnia which you stated you suffered this past Spring?

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=227709.msg2928206#msg2928206

Hang in there Dehytq2! 

 

Your post really mirrored my experience the past couple of days - in a bad wave, full of doubt and feeling discouraged. Even though I’ve been experiencing the wave window pattern for a few months and know the wave will pass it’s hard to cope when I’m in the vortex.

 

This is a great thread you started, that elicited wonderful words of encouragement from buddies who know what you’re going through and know you will heal!  I hope you’ll return to it when you could use an infusion to lift your spirits.

 

We’re all getting through this together.

 

Wishing you much healing and a Happy New Year!

Brighterday

Oh thank you Brighterday,

I think the window wave pattern is not something that feels normal to us at all. I hope this thread will help others as it has helped me. This is so scary for us all. I am sorry you are in a wave too. I will be returning to it again, I know I will need it. I feel like we need constant reassurance. We will get through together. Happy New Year! 🙂

Hi all

 

Yes the windows and waves are not good.  I m having alot of obsessing and it won't stop.  It makes everything hard.  I am hoping this passes soon.  I m trying to not let it affect all relationships in my life.    Hope you all have a good day.

 

B

It all goes away AFTER you get off. You are in tolerance imo and getting off will be tricky, be tough!!!

 

Keagan are you healed?

 

Yes. I got detoxed inpatient and it probably took a bit over 3 yrs for it ALL to go away. But the vast majority of that time the symptoms were just a nuisance and not real suffering.

 

Keagan, are you still taking Cymbalta to treat anxiety & insomnia which you stated you suffered this past Spring?

 

http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=227709.msg2928206#msg2928206

 

Yes 20 mgs super low dose but it helps and not much side effect. Probably do it indefinitely