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The list is too long to put in a subject line... polydrugged for most of my life


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I am wanting to connect to those of you who are benzo injured and also polydrug injured. I just received my prescription history dating back to 2014 and am feeling so defeated and angry and many other emotions.

I counted them up and in addition to clonazepam for 7 years (c/t in 2015) and subsequently lorazepam for 2 years (tapering now), I have been prescribed TWENTY ONE different psych meds in the past 4 years. They were a combination of anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, anti-psych, mood disorder meds. And that’s just the last 4 years! I have been on some combo of psych meds for over 30 years. It’s no wonder I have no functioning long or short term memory capacity.

BUT I am here and I WILL climb out of this deep hole I’ve been led into. I hear so many heartwarming stories of determination and success here and I am determined to be one of them. It will take some doing but I will get better and learn to live a medication-free life!! Thank you to the admins and members here for all of the support and encouragement you give to one another. I am thankful to have found all of you!!

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I have also been polydrugged over the last 14 years. I am glad you posted as I was also wanting to hear from other people withdrawing that have been and are still heavily medicated. Like you said it is heartbreaking when you think about what has happened to you and your body and mind with all these medications. Then on top of that is the actual pain and agony of the mental illness itself. I feel so much grief and sadness about the loss of so much, mentally, physically and time (life!) 😢 I have also had over 30 medications, many at one time and all different types. What I find confusing is because it feels like I have been damaged so much by the last 14 years that for a long time now I can’t tell what symptom is from what and how the total incapacitation will possibly get better. I guess my question is for those that have had chronic mental illness for a long time and have also been going through benzo withdrawal has anyone found they have got well after withdrawal even when you have not had a baseline or any periods of remission in previous years? Hope that makes sense!
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Hi... :)

 

I know a few of us up around the 70-80 different meds... Though in my case the “what n why” might be very different...

Ill never know 100% what, if anything, was the initial cause of my medication problems, but I have seen some great healing along the way to med free..  -and some pretty crap times too, I guess I should add...

 

Time has been important for me.. I had to come to terms with the fact that I couldnt rush “off med” in order to heal, I had to discontinue at a speed to which my body could adjust and heal as I slowly lowered doses.. More an issue at rather low doses than higher doses of whichever med, -for Me...

 

The other side is that I had to find ways to support my body in a wholistic fashion, and that has been an individual process of near equal proportion to the actual medication removal...

 

I often had many doubts, esp in the early years, but I now know that despite the horrific depth of the damage these meds can do to some, the supported body’s ability to heal is pretty darn amazing..!!

 

There will always be some exceptions to every rule, and I found it of great value to run my own race, and not compare to others too heavily..  My story is my own, so to speak..

 

My best wishes to All, as you find your own paths to freedom...

:)

 

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I have been polydrugged, too. You can make it. For me, I did taper one med after the other. The best decision of my life and I would do it again. :thumbsup:
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That's IT Ragdoll!! I am wanting to get to baseline. I have no idea how my body functions on its own anymore. CAN I function without any meds once I get through these tapers ahead of me? So many years lost to just taking one med after another to "soothe" symptoms likely manifested from other meds. It is very disheartening. But it does help to know that I am not walking this path alone anymore as I have for so many years.

Thanks to those here who have made it to the other side for sharing your encouragement that it is indeed possible and that healing lies ahead. I really want to start tapering all of the meds but am heeding the warnings here to take them one at a time. So eager to meet this person I have lost.

Hugs to all!

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That's IT Ragdoll!! I am wanting to get to baseline. I have no idea how my body functions on its own anymore. CAN I function without any meds once I get through these tapers ahead of me? So many years lost to just taking one med after another to "soothe" symptoms likely manifested from other meds. It is very disheartening. But it does help to know that I am not walking this path alone anymore as I have for so many years.

Thanks to those here who have made it to the other side for sharing your encouragement that it is indeed possible and that healing lies ahead. I really want to start tapering all of the meds but am heeding the warnings here to take them one at a time. So eager to meet this person I have lost.

Hugs to all!

 

A hug back to you. You are not walking this dimly lit path alone. 20 years ago a well intentioned string of pcps gave me Xanax....20 years worth. This taper is without a doubt THE most challenging fight for my life ever. The doctors used me as a Guinea pig,  trying 6 ssri/snri's before I said, "no more." A day at a time, one foot in front of the other will take you from that dimly lit path into the bright warm healing sunshine.

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I understand how emotional it is. I pulled my record from one pharmacy for the last seven years and It was traumatizing for me to see how many I have been on, that I don’t even have the courage to go to the other pharmacies or back the 23 years I was on meds. I was in shock and disbelief as you are. And for me, it’s humiliating because I think how in the did I let this happen?

 

Once I got started on Prozac, I just accepted what I now know to be side effects or med interactions as new mental health conditions. It wasn’t until I got off the meds I was even able to remember how I thought and felt before I was medicated. I had no idea how altered my perception was. I am so grateful to have a mind that now feels 'clear”. Even with all the suffering of withdrawal symptoms, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I finally have my clarity back.

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