Talking with family.

Hi all

 

I have been muscling through this cold turkey for 4.5 months  now.  Making it worse on myself for sure. I m in need of a little input as I am going to have to break it to my sister that this is happening and pretending I m going to be better tomorrow is not reality.  Any input or videos I can share as I m having a hard time communicating right now would be greatly appreciated.

 

 

B,

Something I learned (the hard way) is that attempting to explain this stuff to family or friends is a waste of time. Theywill NOT understand, and will write you off as "wacky" or crazy or who knows what else. Benzo wd is something one just does all alone, with only the impersonal support here on BB. The more you try to explain it to NON benzo people, the more you will appear to be just plain nuts. Please do not do that to yourself. You have us on BB to share your feelings with, and no one else. Please accept this and just move on. Like you, at first, I tried to tell my sister what was going on. She was totally NOT acceptable of my truth and I knew I should just shut up. SO I DID. Later on, when I slowly began to heal.... I wrote her again, with the hope that I could restore a better relationship with her. I managed to do that.

Benzo wd really is the lonliest thing one can go through. You have to depend on the advice utter strangers give you. That alone is awful. Plus benzo wd IS just terrible, scary and one feels SO lost and alone.

But here we are, B. Lost and alone and depending on strangers for support, wisdom, and comfort. Be thankful we do have each other.

Annie (east)

Thanks East I know.  I m stressing and not healing.  I will Warrior on. 

Maybe another point of view....

 

I was going to recommend a YouTube link to the Lisa Ling Special on Benzos but alas,  they have all been pulled down by Turner Broadcasting for copyright infringement.  The last one I saw before it

was pulled had over 200K views. Maybe someone else knows of a link to the Lisa Ling Special that

still works but I can't find one.

 

You have a difficult task ahead of you. There are a lot of YouTube videos out there... some encouraging and some outright frightening. The science (as best that is known) IS out there as to what benzos do to the human brain for those who care to educate themselves. Hopefully your sister is receptive to educating herself as to what you are up against and how uncertain and long the process of recovery can be. It is extremely difficult for anyone to appreciate what going through benzo withdrawal is like unless you have gone through it yourself. It may be that your sister can't handle the truth (I have a hard time accepting it myself).  Benzo Buddies is a great support group and I don't know what I would do without them, but don't count you sister out for support without

giving her the opportunity to understand as best she can what you are going through and be there

for you as best she can.

 

Below is a link to a document I found a while back that attempts to explain the "benzo damage" process. I can't cite the source, but I believe it to be a legitimate explanation.  Its a little technical

at first and doesn't sugar coat the gravity of the situation, but might be a good place to start.

 

Good luck and God Bless....

 

http://dtfsdf.oco.net/Benzodiazepines.PDF

I had much the same experience that Annie did when I tried to explain this to my family, but I think that was because they felt so betrayed by the fact that I'd used again, after being sober from alcohol for 14 years.  I think they were in shock that I'd hidden my use of Klonopin and just plain disappointed in me.  So anything I tried to tell them after that sounded like an excuse, like I was making up the severity of my suffering to somehow justify myself.  I don't really know if this is the way they felt, I've never discussed it with them since that time. 

 

But I have to wonder if there are family's who won't judge, or won't assume the worst of the person and instead see the pain and seek to understand it.  B, I don't know your relationship with your family, what kind of people they are, but you present yourself as a loving, intelligent and articulate person.  One who could get her point point across with ease and of course with documentation to supplement your discussion with your family.

 

I hate to think that we have to lump all family and friends together in a judgemental, non-supportive box, we have to be able to communicate with those in our real world, we have to at least try, we might be surprised.

Bnotafraid, I've posted some links below, should you care to skip my comments. In short, I would really consider talking to your sister.

 

With great respect to East,

 

I would at least try to explain what is happening to you, if you feel safe doing so. Some families are more understanding than others; some people more understanding than others. And if we never articulate our pain, then how will we ever get this evil to stop? Also, people don't need to "understand" to empathize. Of course they won't be able to comprehend the magnitude of it if they haven't experienced it, but they can still support you.

 

I think it can be helpful to put your experience in terms people are more familiar with. You may be able to do this by explaining your symptoms: "I am extremely depressed/anxious/in physical pain/agoraphobic, etc." Whatever it is you're going through. People may be able to relate to one, even several, of your symptoms. Or you can explain what limitations you might have. "Crowds make me nervous; I won't be able to help cook; I have trouble walking; mornings are especially difficult, but I'm more "me" at night." Again, whatever the truth of your situation. In my experience it is scarier for concerned family to not know anything.

 

And this can be helpful during hard times, like the holidays, especially if you may not be able to participate in the manner you normally would. That way things can be planned according to your limitations (and strengths!). There may be things that you can do to feel involved, and you can volunteer for those chores/activities. Or maybe you will need much more solitude and time to yourself. But at least people will know and not have to guess. My family knows that I will not be going to the movies with them, or shopping, or decorating the tree, or really much of anything, and that makes them sad, but they aren't angry about it, because they know I am suffering and I am trying. I know not everyone is lucky to have that support. But it sounds like you feel like your sister might be receptive, and so it's worth a shot. At least she'll know whatever is going on isn't about her. That you aren't angry at her. And also that you aren't having a completely unique situation; that other have been through it and made it. That you aren't "crazy."

 

Unless people are in situations where telling someone would make it worse (abusive relationships, really bad family histories, job situations, etc.), I say, give it a shot. You might be surprised by how understanding people can be. We see through a dark lens during this time. But there is still light in the world, and people who love you. Like your sister, and the people here.

 

BIC released two shorter companion pieces to the Lisa Ling documentary: You may find them useful, both for yourself, and your sister. Some have said they found them more useful than the documentary itself, as they are less dramatic, and more information dense. 

 

Krissy's interview: This is about a survivor's personal struggle, and really humanizes the experience. She also appears in the documentary, but there is much more information here. It is really good.

 

Here is the second one; it discusses things in even more detail from the perspective of a Physician Assistant.

 

I think they are both excellent, clear, and concise. They both have a clickable table of contents in the description, so you can skip to and around topics easily.

 

You can also purchase the Lisa Ling documentary "The Benzo Crisis" from most/all the usual online sites. Last I checked it was like $2. If you haven't seen it, much of the first part is quite harrowing and involves a man who did not make it. You can decide if you want to watch that, or if you want your sister to. But since it's streaming, you could skip it. After that (I can't remember the order of all this) Krissy explains her situation and tapering regime in her home, you see a meeting of people who are going through withdrawal, and then Lisa discusses her own father's experience. There are also interviews with doctors, which some people may find extremely validating as well. So, it's worth the couple bucks, I think. The videos will at least help to give a context for what may strike family members as a very unexpected, strange, and even frightening situation. People engage more, can help more, and sometimes, even care more, when they understand more.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

quiet

 

 

 

 

East, Pamster, quiet, top

 

Thank you for responding.  As no one can ever understand what we are going through I got the response I expected..Buck up.  She read all she wants and she wants me to handle it.  I m trying to and I was reaching out to her for help.  I m not upset I m not sad I m just numb and I tried.    She doesn't want to know how I feel anymore.  So I will do the best I can everyday.  I don't need to tell you the gory details of it you have all heard it on here or in your own experiences time and time again.  So I will Warrior on💪 for now.  I sure hope this makes this easier for someone else. 

 

B

B..

 

I am so sorry for you regarding your sister. It was certainly worth the try and at least now you know

where you stand with her .... hopefully that will change in the future. My own daughter abandoned me because my problems were an inconvenience to her lifestyle (some people can't handle the truth).... so be it.

 

How is it that some people have inherent empathy and others don't?  Are some born with it or learned after their own personal experience?  Guess the answer to that question is for another day.

 

 

But here we are, B. Lost and alone and depending on strangers for support, wisdom, and comfort. Be thankful we do have each other.

Annie (east)

 

 

I'm in the same boat. For 9 months I have been trying to tell and show my mom the brain injury that I have sustained, for example the cognitive decline, the executive function issues, there's no use lol she's with me 24/7 and sees that I'm walking, talking, eating. She doesn't get it. Well there's no way I can convince someone who's NOT with me 24/7!

That stinks. I'm sorry it went down that way. But at least you tried and you know where you stand. And you've always got us.

 

quiet

Quiet

 

Thanks it is hard to see I m feeling any better when I m hit with a wave.  Right now I m handling it.  I try but it's hard.  I m trying to get all my coping tools together so I can handle it better.

 

B

This has been one of the biggest struggles in this process for me for sure. I don’t have parents l, they died when I was young.  So my brother and my sister are all I have. My brother is very very supportive. I don’t know where I’d be without him trult. I moved in with him when this all started. But my sister... she is another story. She means well but the truth is, people who don’t have the ability to empathize in a way that we need right now are NEVER going to get it. She keeps trying to tell me I need meds. I am worse than ever because I have issues and meds are the only way. That’s what she tells me. I have been told to stop being so negative.  I’ve been called crazy and I’ve lost friends. Recently my brother even said to me that I need to stop being so negative. So even the most supportive can’t really understand what this process is doing to our mind and body. It’s truly the most awful experience I have ever been through. Both of my parents death and my ten years of emotionally abusive relationship with my ex didn’t come close to this. If I were u if she doesn’t want to learn about it then don’t push it. U can’t male anyone want to learn or have the ability to empathize. Try it best to know the only thing that matters is being kind to urself and taking care of YOU through this. The people who are still there at the end are the ones who matter.

Penny sorry to hear about all this.  I am thankful for what I do have and hoping I can continue to show signs of healing.  I do everything I can every day and rest when I must.

 

B

 

Just information