Feeling of not knowing where i am 24/7 and confusion so severe

It's gotten to the point where im completely in a different phase. Sure i can write somewhat normal and not seem like im that lost, but i truly am. I can't possess emotions like i used to and it feels like im in a void of blankness. What's bizarre is that i can't remember what i did when i visit the store or any place im driving to, or in fact, driving itself. I can't describe it, but it feels like all my current memories are "gray". I also been extremely quiet. I have nothing interesting to bring up anymore to my friends when i used to be a nonstop chatterbox. It appears to be getting worse the longer this goes on for. How can this be healing when theres no progress with "time" as they say. When does this type of symptom lift? Forget the muscle cramps and nerve pain. I'd do anything to feel emotions again. Anyone else experience this as bad as me?

 

Hi dreamer8408,

 

My intellect, personality, emotional connection to myself and my world pretty much flat-lined after my cold turkey too, but it all came back when I healed.  This process is so frustrating because its non linear, we don't steadily get better, or so it seems, we just get jacked around from one set of horrifying symptoms to the next ones. 

 

You need to remember that hopelessness is a symptom too, your brain is telling you that you won't get better, you will!

 

It would be helpful to other members if you would write a brief history of your journey in your signature line, I had to go back to the beginning of your posts to find out you did a cold turkey, so if you can do this, it would be great.  If you have trouble, let me know in a PM and I can do it for you.  Add your history/signature 

 

Pamster

It's gotten to the point where im completely in a different phase. Sure i can write somewhat normal and not seem like im that lost, but i truly am. I can't possess emotions like i used to and it feels like im in a void of blankness. What's bizarre is that i can't remember what i did when i visit the store or any place im driving to, or in fact, driving itself. I can't describe it, but it feels like all my current memories are "gray". I also been extremely quiet. I have nothing interesting to bring up anymore to my friends when i used to be a nonstop chatterbox. It appears to be getting worse the longer this goes on for. How can this be healing when theres no progress with "time" as they say. When does this type of symptom lift? Forget the muscle cramps and nerve pain. I'd do anything to feel emotions again. Anyone else experience this as bad as me?

 

In the Same boat buddy. Brain impairment/Malfunctioning

dreamer,

I have long said that I don't know how to describe the utter horror of what I went through after going CT off benzos and SSRIs. But YOUR post here DOES describe it so very well. I hope someday you will read this post again, when you have healed.

What you are feeling IS normal for some people who go off benzos. It doesn't seem to matter if one goes cold turkey or tapers: Benzo wd can be a true monster, an almost unbearable misery.

Every single thing yo mention is all a part of benzo wd. I had the same exact stuff when I started my journey.

 

There is no quick answer for you. Benzo wd has to be endured, and that is not fun or easy. But the pay off is huge. To heal from benzos, and never rely on them again is marvelous. To have a return f normal emotions, normal anxiety, normal love and affection - is even better. Those are just some of the things you will feel once you heal from benzos.

You need to find different ways to cope with this weird stuff. Being on BB is a wonderful thing, as people here know just how you feel and no one will write you off as "crazy." LOL! ALL BB people are a bit crazy, until they heal. I sure was - crazy as a bat out of hell. Now, I am just a normal woman sho went through something deeply traumatic, getting off benzos. Cold Turkey.

 

You WILL get through this, just as I did, and Pamster did, and so many others before you. "With a little help from your friends," you will find your way through the awful Benzo Maze.

Please don't give up. This does get better.

east

Hi All,

 

I feel you. I am like a ghost . I feel like I'm not myself and completely lost. I am walking around acting as if everything us ok but it's just show.  I'm a complete mess inside

I hear you, break. I felt just like that. Ghost-like. I viewed my home with the weirdest vision back then. Nothing looked normal. Ghost like is SO damn right on. Laster on I figured out this was DP/DR stuff.

 

I felt unreal. Surreal. Nothing looked normal, right or anything BUT strange. This was all being caused by my messed up benzo brain. But it wasn't until I started to heal that I understood this stuff.

You will heal, too. As long as you stay off benzos, don't drink alcohol or do street drugs, you WILL heal from this.

Keep on going, soldiers. Better days are coming.

east

Sounds like classic DP/DR. This feeling of disconnection WILL dissipate, I suggest that you place faith in this FACT, and try to ignore your symptoms. Get into character and don't try to fight the feelings (or lack thereof) but accept them and live on. I don't know how long it will take for the fog to lift for you, but I believe that over the next 6 months to a year it will get better. Good luck!!!

I hear you, break. I felt just like that. Ghost-like. I viewed my home with the weirdest vision back then. Nothing looked normal. Ghost like is SO damn right on. Laster on I figured out this was DP/DR stuff.

 

I felt unreal. Surreal. Nothing looked normal, right or anything BUT strange. This was all being caused by my messed up benzo brain. But it wasn't until I started to heal that I understood this stuff.

You will heal, too. As long as you stay off benzos, don't drink alcohol or do street drugs, you WILL heal from this.

Keep on going, soldiers. Better days are coming.

east

 

Thats me. I feel unreal, disorientated, no connection to myself or others and the world outside looks strange. Its the most unsettling experience, I have become a recluse and some days I just stay in the bedroom.

I think it's important to push ourselves into uncomfortable situations as it helps us grow and learn to function. locking ourselves at home is counter productive but I admit I feel like  just being alone and avoiding everything

This thread is so on the money for describing how weird benzo wd can be for some. You guys have nailed it. I have spent over 7 years attempting to describe MY cold turkey, and I always  came up short.

 

DP/DR are a common symptom. Its a symptom of many mental illnesses. Luckily, we benzo people may fee that way for max a couple years, but there are mental health patients who feel that way for YEARS. OMG. How I described it was feeling sort of removed from everything around me. Everything looked dingy, grayish, sort of ugly. I trudged on in this weird gloom, hoping that what I read o BB was true.

I love the  "ghost" stuff. That is exactly how I felt back then. Ghost like, sort of weirdly observing my former predictably normal home. Drifting along feeling ghostlike but then having such  horrific fear it could have brought me to my knees.

What you have to get is that how you feel now is temporary. Your brain will heal from this, and eventually the real you will come back.

So much of benzo wd is learning how to ENDURE this stuff.

Keep on writing, friends.

east

another point I think is important is that these emotions or lack thereof may also be underlying mental health issues. they may be withdrawal, mental illness or a combination of both. so seeking help for say anxiety on it own may be of help in general .

 

good point that they share similer symptoms to other mental health issues. I think most of us had an underlying problem or a problem has been created or made worse by the drugs.  I think waiting alone is not enought , we need to actively heal ourselves.

 

hope I made sense. not thinking to clear these days lol

 

 

How I described it was feeling sort of removed from everything around me.

 

Ghost like, sort of weirdly observing my former predictably normal home. Drifting along feeling ghostlike but then having such  horrific fear it could have brought me to my knees.

 

So much of what has been said in this thread describes how I feel. For me it's one of the scariest symptoms because it makes me feel like I've hit a level of crazy I can't return from, and then a whole host of scary thoughts come to mind. Good to see that people recover from this.

Tom, people heal from this all the time. No one knows why so few people have such awful withdrawals. Most people just stop taking benzos abruptly, (cold turkey) and they don not suffer a bit. I wasn't one of those people. LOL!

You will heal from this, just as I have. Its been a long journey but one I do not regret at all. After thirty years of benzos nightly, I was forced to go ct off it all. I don't regret that at al. It was the best thing that ever happened to me..

east

Hey I took Klonopin for 5yrs at 2mgs increasing over time. What you are experiencing is normal, my memory was terrible for a long time. So bad, you could give me a list of 5 basic things and I could remember like 2 of them just 10 seconds later... Your emotional bluntness, impaired memory and physical symptoms will all improve with time just as they have for me. It got so bad for me, I thought for sure I would never get better. I did get better and now I barely deal with anything; I'm a bit over a year out now.

 

 

Hang in there, you're not alone. Here if you need me.

 

na-