How do you decide whether to go out and do things?

Almost at a year here and in many ways I’m much worse than I was months ago.  It’s devastating.

 

My question is this - it feels like daily I wrestle with whether I should stay in to let myself recuperate more, or if I should go out and live my life at the risk of setting myself back.

 

(I am particularly obsessive about “will activity set me back” since a major major August setback in which I overexerted myself physically and could barely leave the apartment for a month.)

 

In real life I am a very active person; I live in NYC and love the hustle and bustle.  I’m a freelancer (though I’ve barely been working lately) and thrive on making my own schedule, seeing friends, seeing concerts and shows, etc.  It has gutted me to spend so much time locked in my apartment, which usually feels like more like a jail.

 

So my question is how do YOU make these decisions?  I never know whether a simple appointment or two is why I feel awful the next day or if I would have felt awful anyway. None of this makes any sense.

 

I’m starting to think fuck it, I want to push my current boundary more and see what happens.  Maybe the happiness I’d feel from living my life - even if feeling awful while doing it - is as good for me as laying and watching Netflix, which makes me utterly miserable.  (I’m not talking about intense exercise or even an 8-hour workday.  Just coffee with a friend, physical therapy, a show, maybe 1-2 of these a day.)

 

I guess I’ve made my point.  I’m very curious how you negotiate this constant question in your own lives, and I’m wishing you intense healing.

I’m curious about the same thing but I feel like only we can know how far to push our limits. I am 7 months off and I never leave home. I may make it to the grocery store once a month but that’s it. I moved to Houston to live with my brother at the beginning of my withdrawals so I don’t have a friend here at all, which makes it harder to leave my house and do things. There is not much to do really since I don’t have friends here. I also struggle with food, in fact I struggle most with food. I have become beyond obsessed about what I should and shouldn’t eat.  It’s beyond overwhelming. I wish I could stop over thinking every single second of life. It’s draining. I would love some input on this as well.

I'm only 4 months out C/T, still a baby at this mess and suffering from mostly physical symptoms ( I hate to say I'm suffering because there are people in this world that have it way worse than me ,I just can't find another way to put it). Anyway, I'm pushing myself and forcing myself to do things. Trying to be as normal as possible especially around my kids. Its them that force me to get out there. My husband pushes me as well. He tells me that he's not going to just let me sit here and wallow in my own misery. I go out to eat, take my kids to school,go grocery shopping etc..... Its hard but I'm doing it,anxiety and all. I hope that someday these physical symptoms leave me so my anxiety can leave me as well. Wish you all healing

I'm in the same boat as you 88keys, constantly wondering what I should be doing and what I shouldn't be doing. I've continued working but I'm struggling so bad with then taking care of my family after work. I'm always thinking should I just rest tonight or should I go for a walk. Should I do chores or just sit here. Should I try and hang out with my friends or should I stay in. It seems that one should probably try and push themselves but for me I've been pushing too hard for too long and need a break from stuff.

88,

 

I think you know that you have answered your own question. August was August but we are now in December and you are four months more healed. Good reason to push your boundaries again.

 

Like everyone else on here I can only put forward my experiences and I am convinced that recovery from benzos is analogous to getting more physically fit. If I go out for a normal run nothing much changes unless I push myself in speed or duration or both. The next day I feel the difference and it may be painful, but if I keep at it the pain goes away and I reach a higher level of fitness etc etc.

 

At M7 in March I took a short break and trouble started at the airport and lasted all through the four days. However, undeterred, I took a week-long trip in June. Miles better. Then, in October I did some work that involved me travelling around the country for a month. I drove nearly 5000 miles and when I wasn’t driving I was managing events. Overnight after the first day I felt that I wasn’t going to be able to go on. But I did. The month wasn’t always great, to say the least, but I did it and now I am so much better. Cause and effect? I think so.

 

Look, you can only do what you can do, but you just have to try to get out and at least get walking. Your body needs it. It can only have a positive impact.

 

Good luck

 

G

Thanks all, particularly Give me hope.

 

Mixed results with pushing myself last couple of days. It’s so hard. It’s so fucking hard.

 

I’m gonna keep trying to err on the side of more activity but these decisions are so hard to make.

Thanks all, particularly Give me hope.

 

Mixed results with pushing myself last couple of days. It’s so hard. It’s so fucking hard.

 

I’m gonna keep trying to err on the side of more activity but these decisions are so hard to make.

 

88,

 

It’s going to come good, I promise you. At the end of each day I used to tell myself that I was one day closer and that the next day might be the day that it ends. I now don’t think that this is the way that it will end. I think it will just fade away. Each peak of symptoms will get lower and lower. I would think this way though because that’s what’s happening with me. And as time has gone on and the symptoms have diminished I have got stronger and stronger mentally so that I can cope with most upticks. I feel like I am in control of the see-saw now.

 

P.S. I’d love to be in NYC

 

PM me sometime and let me know how you’re doing