Thankful - DLMT worked for me

I had debated whether or not to come back here and post a follow-up given that I wasn't a frequent poster on this forum, but given that my story is more of a "milder" one compared to most, I hope that this can help those looking for hope or to draw on others experiences of tapering these terrible meds. I will still respond to DM's as well, so please feel free to either reply here or reach out to me directly!

It all started for me last year in mid 2018 after my second daughter was born. The night wakings, helping my wife with the night feeds, and working a high stress job in addition to everything left me pretty spent. After a while, I became stressed about sleeping "on demand", i.e. the few hours of sleep at a time available to me before being woken up again. As the sleep debt accumulated and my focus shifted even more on trying to sleep for the precious moments I had, the focus on sleep led to more sleeplessness and then the vicious cycle began - focus on sleep, can't sleep because I'm so focused on it, try harder, etc. etc. . I finally caved after several weeks with 5-6 nights at 0 hours of sleep and several trips to the ER, and that's when the doc prescribed Temazepam at 30mg.

I got home, took it, SLEPT, and it was like someone turned the lights on in the universe again for me (at this point I was close to having to give up my career and I didn't know what to do my brain was so pickled). The first night, 15mg got me 4 hours, and another 15mg got me another four hours. The next week, this became 3 and 3, then 2 and 2, and then I added Trazadone, Seroquel, Elavil, etc. to the Temazepam....

My doc at the time told me after 6-8 weeks on Temazepam I could just stop it - so I did. The next day I had severe dizziness, panic, etc. and didn't know what was happening. So, back to the ER I go, and then they sent me home with Xanax. I combined the two (30mg Temazepam + 1mg Xanax) and was able to sleep again, and the daytime anxiety started to go away again. And then after another few months of this, the doc told me my anxiety had gone into remission and that I no longer needed the Xanax. And that's when all hell broke loose.....

The first day went well - when I actually did sleep, my dreams were the most vivid in my entire life, but then the second day, it got bad. I experienced about every symptom in the book - zero sleep, and when I was close to drifting off, I would jolt awake, auditory hallucinations, akathisia (which I wouldnt wish on my worst enemy), etc. etc. This continued for a few days until I broke down and took the last bit of Xanax I had left. And when the symptoms started to disappear, I knew I had a problem. Thankfully, I found a doctor who continued to prescribe me Xanax, found this board, and started on the journey we all know so well.

On the Xanax, I immediately started to shave my pills, and I did it FAST, as fast I could tolerate....within a few months, I was able to get down to 0.125mg/day and that was as low as I could get before the intradose symptoms would start to rev up late in the day (I could literally count on it, almost to the minute, when the chemical anxiety would start to ramp up). I was trapped at this level, and that's when I thought that crossing over to Valium would make sense.

My doctor prescribed me 2mg/day of Valium, and then I started to do the same approach of dry cutting, but I just constantly got slammed after each cut and couldn't make any headway (these symptoms are the absolute worst and I wouldn't wish them on anyone - and I consider myself extremely fortunate and lucky in this whole journey compared to so many of the stories I have read). So, I held for a few months until I came across the daily liquid micro tapering method.

My doc prescribed me a 5mg / 5ml version of Valium made by Roxane labs, and I was fortunate enough to have a doctor who worked WITH me to taper me off of this med. I found mirtazapine as well (controversial, I know, and I'll have to taper off of this as well, but I take 7.5mg/day at night) which helped me enormously with sleep. I tapered at a snails pace of 0.01mg/day, and there were many stretches when I held due to symptoms ramping up on me. But the thing I noticed the most was that there was a pattern - and the symptoms would increase gradually as opposed to suddenly, and this would allow me to adjust my pace as I went along. I tapered all the way down to 0.01mg and then I was done. There was no increase in symptoms, and by the end of 3-4 weeks, I felt about 90% and right now? I feel 95% healed.

Things that helped me:

- mirtazapine (this probably saved my taper to be honest, as it allowed me to sleep well, and the better I slept the better I felt I was able to heal)

- exercise (I started small - I still can't lift weights without my CNS screaming at me but cardio has helped a lot....I walked, then I powerwalked, then I jogged, and now I run)

- avoiding the horror stories (the more I read horror stories, the worse I felt and the more symptoms I experienced - I think so much of this is mental in addition to physical, and we are very very vulnerable going through this so take care of your mind and your body)

- working (I wasn't sure whether or not I was going to be able to continue to work during my taper, but it helped me a lot when I pushed myself - it kept my mind on task and away from the symptoms - I did have a random panic attack or two in front of my boss, but she knew what I was dealing with as I was very open with her about it all)

- support network / openness (I wasn't shy about what I was going through - I was an open book, and while others may not be able to relate or understand what I was dealing with, it helped them to know why I wasn't "me" at all times throughout this process)

- supplements (this is very individual-dependent, so please to not consider this a recommendation but just sharing what has helped me) - kefir and fish oil; it sounds crazy, but I noticed it big time when I neglected either. Also, since I have the MTHFR mutation, I noticed a big improvement when I started eating a lot of leafy greens as a way to get a natural source of folate (helps my body undergo methylation processes that help break down meds, sleep, other biological / body processes)

I still have two tapers left (Lexapro 5mg & Mirtazapine 7.5mg), which I plan to dry cut if possible starting in early 2020. But for now, I am living life and so incredibly thankful for all of the simple things I once took for granted. And the real life stressors? Peanuts, now, compared to this.....

Congrats on getting your life back, Nologic. Thanks for coming back to write your inspirational story for those who need the encouragement. And I agree...daily stressors seem small compared to this process.

Challis

Hi Nologic1986,

Thank you for writing your story, every story in some way will speak to someone reading it, it's so important to give hope to those still suffering, and you've just done that.  Thanks as well for letting others know what worked for you, so many people are looking for a process which will work for them and perhaps your way will provide a roadmap for someone else.

Pamster