Separated from My Wife

My wife and I have agreed that I need to stay at my parent's for a little while. I want to add in here that I've not had any anger outbursts toward my wife and daughter throughout this whole ordeal but I've really struggled with an anger on the inside for no reason or else because I have no threshold for stress for the past four months since moving back to my hometown. The bottom line is I can't lose my job and I can't seem to handle both parenting and working right now without feeling like I'm on edge all the time and ready to explode. I'm still going to help out as much as humanly possible. I've taken the annoying dog to my parent's house. I'm going to take groceries over when needed. My mother is going to help keep up with the dishes and cleaning.

 

This is the first day I woke up at my parent's. The good news is I still feel the same level of anger toward people I'm working with so it's probably all withdrawal and no stress threshold. Just feel like yelling. Also, I called my wife and daughter on the way over and felt like crying the entire time. I know they are good people and my mind is blocking me from enjoying normal life right now.

You going to need your wife. Trust me. You'll be back soon.

You are going to be ok, it's probably for the best you can focus on your healing and not on the demands of working and being a husband as well, I don't know how your physical symptoms are but what really helped me with the anger was running and boxing, it got so much aggression out of my system, is that something you could look into?

I do need to start exercising again now that I will have a little more time, not just walking.

It's not even only rage that I feel. Sometimes I just feel I'm going insane on a daily basis. I've been feeling it at work today. I so badly want to just feel normal again.

I haven’t had anger but I will tell you one thing... I have always been religious about working out but withdrawals caused me to start slacking and then the last month i almost stopped completely and let me tell you my anxiety and depression and ocd and alllll mental symptoms have been worse than ever.  I started working out again this week and it definitely helps. We have to stay active, as active as our bodies allow.

Bbb I'm glad you left. I think it's better for the three of you.

I'm not sure what I should do if all my symptoms clear up by staying with my parents and I start to feel happier. I'm sitting at work and just obsessing about how I can't go home to my wife and daughter and how I may never be able to go home and be with my family again. I want to be there but it's like anxiety is preventing me from doing it. I think the anxiety is then leading to the anger.  What happens if your OCD and anxiety has just gotten out of control from having a child? I still have some light physical symptoms. Will this fear go away on it's own?

I think it's a good idea for both of you.

 

I live alone.  Wish I had someone to come help me keep up with the dishes and the cleaning. 

 

Dee

 

 

Hey Boom how long has it been since you’re off benzos? Did you do a slow taper?

Greek, he did two cts.

 

Boombox, I think as you didn't have all this before wd, it's all bwd. People can have anxiety due to having a kid but this is not that type of anxiety. This anger is bwd. Some get fear, you get anger. Some take two, three years to heal. I hope you do too. Meanwhile it's better not to be around a little girl with that kind of energy. She doesn't deserve it.

Hey Boom how long has it been since you’re off benzos? Did you do a slow taper?

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I've been off for 20.5 months. Off alcohol for 18 months. No, I quit .25 milligrams of Klonopin c/t and I had quit c/t like five or six times before it.

I'm not sure what I should do if all my symptoms clear up by staying with my parents and I start to feel happier. I'm sitting at work and just obsessing about how I can't go home to my wife and daughter and how I may never be able to go home and be with my family again. I want to be there but it's like anxiety is preventing me from doing it. I think the anxiety is then leading to the anger.  What happens if your OCD and anxiety has just gotten out of control from having a child? I still have some light physical symptoms. Will this fear go away on it's own?

 

I think the questions you're asking are better suited for a therapist, but my recommendation would be to stop obsessing over all these possibilities/what-if's all the time and instead focus on the present moment. Mindfulness practice! Practice being aware of your obsessive thoughts and letting them pass instead of giving them attention. This is also where I'd suggest practicing meditating with my previous recommendation of doing yoga. Instead of coming up with all of these theories all the time, you need to accept that you're in WD and one day everything will go away. Learn to distract yourself from the mental symptoms. One day in the future you will be OK and this will no longer be a problem (assuming that you didn't have these issues before benzos).

Did you ever have this before benzo? Did you ever feel this way about your wife and daughter, did something else change during withdrawal in terms of a new job, new house, moving, did you struggle with this before? If not than know it is benzos, the severe mental intrusive nightmare horror show thoughts I had for over 2 years straight FINALLY left around month 26-28 it gets better, I have had such a busy few weeks, I am living like a normal person again and cooking and traveling and living my life, you know me from here I am a normal person and I don't abuse anything, I took good care of myself and honestly I wouldn't have been able to hold down a job if I didn't work from home until recently, this will leave, look at Live Above It with his conscious breathing, it finally left him around month 28, you will get better sometimes this just takes longer for people, you can do this and you will go back to being the amazing husband you know you are, I promise, sending you love!

I’ve been more or less living in my mom’s guest house for the past 5 months.  I’m still home all the time to help with the kids but I’ve needed some distance as I deal with this.  It was killing my wife to see me unhealthy and not be the partner I was.  I’m fatigued a lot and need time to rest up.  This way we can both detach from the pain a little..  It sucks but it’s been for the best.

I lived at my father's this summer, with just my son, apart from my husband for about 5 weeks.  I think it really helped me cause I realized that I was still very miserable away from my husband and still very angry, even with him far away. 

 

I think that you are right about having some anxiety now BBB.  I think my anxiety started to come out as anger during benzo withdrawal.  It is hard to recognize it as anxiety when you feel so angry.  I did find that using tools to control anxiety, helped also with the anger.  Like breathing, distracting,  changing to certain postures. 

 

I really hope this move helps you and figuring out your anger.  I think you are very lucky to have such an understanding wife.

I think it is for the best BBB. I can't imagine dealing with a wife and kid right now and I tapered everything, but still it's all relative. Some people just don't play house well with others. I struggle dealing with my sister but she provokes me and she is an alcohol abuser. I vow to never get into it with her again though it isn't worth the aggravation and remorse when you beat up your own family member. There is no going back from any of that. You are lucky that nobody is actually provoking you or you may smash that boombox over someone.

What would you think of using this time to work on yourself in therapy and maybe start a meditation practice? 

Songbird’s suggestion of getting into an exercise routine might be really helpful too.

Wishing you much healing

I had to go back home last night because my wife hurt her back and my daughter is sick. My wife and I fought the whole time. It's odd because if my wife and daughter come to my parent's house I do pretty well and enjoy them. And when I'm not with them, I actually enjoy talking to them over the phone and feel sad that I can't be with them. Then I get home and just feel angry the entire time. I really feel bipolar. I am making my wife miserable and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

I did go to the store and get groceries after we put our daughter to bed. I'm doing as much as I can to help but the resentment seems to be building.

Is the anger only there when you are in the house?

I had to go back home last night because my wife hurt her back and my daughter is sick. My wife and I fought the whole time. It's odd because if my wife and daughter come to my parent's house I do pretty well and enjoy them. And when I'm not with them, I actually enjoy talking to them over the phone and feel sad that I can't be with them. Then I get home and just feel angry the entire time. I really feel bipolar. I am making my wife miserable and there is nothing I can do about it.

 

I did go to the store and get groceries after we put our daughter to bed. I'm doing as much as I can to help but the resentment seems to be building.

 

It definitely could be that that house triggers something in you since you have spent most of your withdrawals there. Maybe staying away is best for a bit.

I'm angry at work and in the house for sure. I didn't spend the majority of my withdrawal in the current house. I spent months 1-16 in a different house and felt the same thing while there from months 9 to 16. I've spent months 16-20 in this new house since we moved. What's weird about it all is that I've been at my parent's off and on through this experience yet still want to be there.

I'm angry at work and in the house for sure. I didn't spend the majority of my withdrawal in the current house. I spent months 1-16 in a different house and felt the same thing while there from months 9 to 16. I've spent months 16-20 in this new house since we moved. What's weird about it all is that I've been at my parent's off and on through this experience yet still want to be there.

im no expert of course, but i sort of feel the same way right now with lots of patches of anger, and from everything i read i think it's the responsibility that's making you mad right now Boombox boy and not because you're irresponsible but just the opposite, because you're responsible and you want to deliver but you know you can't and you probably just can't stand to see your wife unhappy, im the same way with my family right now, and i feel much easier around my parents too, i think its because around them i get to relax and  not have to act as a responsible adult, I think in a way through this WD will regress to being 3 year olds with that mentality, it sounds awful Maybe that's why you're feeling that way right now. Good luck to you, I hope you and your wife figure things out in the end and hopefully you feel a lot better soon:)

Exactly. The responsibility is destroying me over time. I want so desperately to be with my family but I feel like I can't after work. And the expectation is I need to keep this job for if I ever get better. I truly feel like I never grew up from high school age right now. I feel like I need a baby blanket again. I know that sounds ridiculous.

 

I cry every time I separate from my family yet when I go back I get mad.

Exactly. The responsibility is destroying me over time. I want so desperately to be with my family but I feel like I can't after work. And the expectation is I need to keep this job for if I ever get better. I truly feel like I never grew up from high school age right now. I feel like I need a baby blanket again. I know that sounds ridiculous.

 

I cry every time I separate from my family yet when I go back I get mad.

 

Do I relate to this boom, honestly I teared up reading this. I felt like a raw exposed nerve who just needed to move back home with my parents and have them take care of me (I'm married and adore my husband but I couldn't be the wife I wanted to be until very recently) I just wanted somebody to nurture and parent me again I felt like I hadn't learned how to be an adult, to deal with things all my other friends did with ease you know, I get it, I can't imagine both working a job outside of my home and having kids during this process I wouldn't have made it, you are doing the best you can and by focusing on your job you are able to support your family still and help out but by being at your parents house you are able to focus on yourself. I wouldn't feel guilty at all about needing to do this, I know it's not fair to your wife and daughter but you are working to heal so you can be the best husband and father possible when you heal. I promise you will heal, mentle stuff and emotional shit drags on the longest it feels like, you are healing