4,5 months Ativan usage with rapid taper, encouragement needed!

Hi all,

Joined the forum to get support. I took Ativan 4,5 months including a rapid taper of 4 weeks. I started at 1,5 mg a day, started developing tolerance quickly and the last couple of months before taper I took 3mg/day. It was prescribed to me as I had anxiety and depression and my former ssri did not alleviate these. We switched medications twice, and I started noticing substantial improvement in my mood after updosing Lexapro to 15mg. But then, as I tapered down Ativan rapidly and jumped, I had a downfall in my mood and also increased anxiety. Nothing that bad compared to a lot of people here, but I still feel hopeless and would need encouragement that things will improve. I am now 6 weeks post-jump. Last data have been tough and I have felt anxious and hopeless about my situation. I haven't had that many physical symptoms except occasional cold night sweats and agitation (also during times I am not that anxious). Last night I had cold, profuse sweating, which I last had 3 weeks ago. I would greatly appreciate encouragement that I will someday be myself again. The aftermath of benzos feels like a huge setback after my short term success with starting to recover from depression.

Hello finnishgirl,

Hopelessness is a common symptom, I felt that way throughout most of my healing process after I quit cold turkey.  I was healing, and even though I wasn't suffering as much as I was in those first few months, my brain refused to allow me to have hope.  I wonder if it has something to do with the non-linear aspect of this process?  Most every malady humans have follows a set path, things steadily get worse, or steadily get better, but benzo withdrawal goes back and forth, sometimes hour by hour, or week by week.  We never know when we wake up each day how we're going to feel, it's so frustrating.

The thing you need to know though is that every day you're healing, your brain is healing from the wreckage the benzo's created and once you're healed, your depression should become much more manageable.

Pamster

Hello Pamster!

Thank you for your kind and encouraging message! That is exactly what I feel hard in this process. Symptoms seem to fluctuate pretty randomly 

I also find it hard to believe this is benzo induced since I already had depression before starting benzos. I already feel I have been hooked on ssri's somehow, since trying to get off them started the depression in the first place (never been depressed in my whole life, only anxious before). I have decided to either stay on ssri's for life or taper them extremely slowly over multiple years. Now I feel so bad getting these reactions from quitting another drug

On the other hand, depression worsened right when I jumped so in a way it seems like the most logical explanation for things getting worse. The improvement was so substantial before jumping. Do you know by the way if it is common to get withdrawal symptoms only after jumping, not during tapering? I had some interdose agitation while tapering (and also during full usage) but depression started only after I jumped. I have also had these weird "rushes" of adrenaline in my body after jumping (I feel them mostly in my stomach and cheast) and these come totally at random.

I wish I had a crystal ball to see that this will end and things will get normal!

What amazes me about benzo's and anti-depressants is how they affect all of us so differently when we take and when we discontinue them, it seems like no two stories are alike.  I'm not sure if I've heard of other members having symptoms only after jumping, but you might look at this thread and ask them, it's where a few short time benzo users have weighed in on various issues.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=233941.0

Your adrenaline rushes sound very typical, and so does the depression I'm sorry to say.  We have a support area for those who are tapering certain SSRI's if you'd like to take a look, but for now, I wouldn't even think about the Lexepro, you've got enough on your plate right now.  http://www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?board=147.0

My crystal ball says you're going to get through this and be just fine but it will take longer than you want it to.