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Is this worth it?


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I know this is ridiculous to ask, and I never thought I would ask this...but is this all worth it? I'm only 8 months off, in a stress induced wave, and the thought of going through this for possibly years is terrifying. I have 2 beautiful children and a wonderful husband, but the thought of not being in pain mentally is so appealing. I know this is just my intrusive thoughts, but as time goes on I have a hard time saying NO to these thoughts. Distraction doesn't work, nothing helps. I'm so sad.
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Not sure what you're asking Hopeful Heart, I hope its not what I fear. 

 

I will tell you what is worth it, and that's living to see the end of the pain, to finally know peace again, it's the most wonderful experience there is, to finally feel like yourself again, to know joy, love and peace.

 

Keep telling those thoughts no, because they're lies, you will return to you, you will return to your family and you will know happiness again.  I did and you will too.    :hug:

 

Pamster

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I’ll ditto Pamster.

 

It was hell to go through and took me a couple of years to get back on my feet but was well worth it. I’ll never take health for granted again and I’ve gained a lot personally from this struggle.

 

Take it a day at a time...  :hug:

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Not sure what you're asking Hopeful Heart, I hope its not what I fear. 

 

I will tell you what is worth it, and that's living to see the end of the pain, to finally know peace again, it's the most wonderful experience there is, to finally feel like yourself again, to know joy, love and peace.

 

Keep telling those thoughts no, because they're lies, you will return to you, you will return to your family and you will know happiness again.  I did and you will too.    :hug:

 

Pamster

 

Indeed that's worth fighting for, to be yourself old self again. To sleep peacefully again. To enjoy the delicious taste of food, to enjoy your family's presence, to enjoy a good evening watching TV. To wake up with ambition to achieve your goals again. To have a calm mind upon waking up. That is worth fighting for.  I try and remind myself daily, no matter how impaired and dissociative I get, a little voice In me that cried in pain reminds me to keep going.

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[fa...]
I know, the way I phrased this was not great. I have 2 small girls, so that is out of the question. I just don't remember what my "normal" is and that scares me. I'm scared about who i am going to be when this is all done. I've been on benzos for 11 years, I don't remember who I am.
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The amazing thing about this process is your body remembers, the drug has made changes sure, but your brain will knit itself back together and you'll be the person you were before you took these drugs.  The wonderful part is, you'll have so much gratitude to be healed, your life will have more meaning, you'll never take good health for granted again. 

 

Listen to the folks who have healed, read the success stories because one day, you'll be able to write your own.

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[98...]

I definitely think it's worth the struggle.  I could clearly see that these drugs were taking me to worsening places.  While withdrawal/recovery absolutely sucked, I learned a LOT about myself.  Sounds like something's recently triggered you.  Know that it will pass, and that each stressful episode will resolve more easily as time passes.

 

When you forget who you are, let me suggest that you go play with your kids.  They are (half-literally) who you were.

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No! But you ate off it now and reinstating may not work if you reinstate. It nasn’t for me.

 

I was fine on diazepam for muscle issues for 20 years. Shoulders never have tried to get off.

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[98...]

I have been told by countless people that every second of this pain, suffering and absolute torture is absolutely worth it. Like others have said above, life has a new depth and a new meaning to it. When I can be at peace in my mind and body, enjoy food, life, feel joy and love life like I used to, I will be so incredibly grateful. I fight every single day for one reason and one reason only, we get better and our lives return. I am repeatedly told we get E V E R Y T H I N G back and M O R E........

 

Search for the user  “Got to beat this” on here, I spoke to him earlier on the phone. He has been totally healed for hears after a brutal withdrawal. He never thought he would heal, only had two tiny windows during his 3-4 year withdrawal and totally healed in a matter of weeks.

 

Your brain is lying to you, this isn’t how it’s going to be for the rest of your life. That’s why we keep going. That’s why we don’t. ever. give up.

 

Beautifully said!  :smitten:

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it’s absolutely worth it. i’m almost healed and while the hard times struggling through withdrawal were unbearable, i am so glad i went through it because i feel so great now. do not give up !!!!! you will be rewarded !!!
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I ask myself this every day.  The last 3 years on K things were getting really bad but this is far worse.  I could at least function then.  8 months off now and don’t see much light at the end of the tunnel.
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So yeah, the light at the end of the tunnel can fade and disappear along the way, but if I have learnt anything over the last 10yrs of survival, it is -Keep trudging along and the light returns...

 

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Yes.. for me, it's worth it.  I remember the constant prescriptions, dr visits, please help me feel better, ok let's try this new drug, oh and btw let's up your klonopin dose.  Now drug free for 3+ years and finally finding me.  In pain, confused, and off balance... but very different in a good way that is hard to describe.  I am me again.
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[d0...]

I know, the way I phrased this was not great. I have 2 small girls, so that is out of the question. I just don't remember what my "normal" is and that scares me. I'm scared about who i am going to be when this is all done. I've been on benzos for 11 years, I don't remember who I am.

 

I understand how you are feeling and am so sorry you are still in that horrid phase.  I promise You, that misery subsided, just like all the other symptoms, but it takes time.  Be very kind to yourself because you are wonderful and will find comfort.  I have stress induced waves and they get me down, it reminds me that I still need more time to heal.  So please take these symptoms are validation to yourself that you are sick however also remind yourself that you are healing.  Everyday try to experience the beauty of feeling, I know I could Not feel anything while on psyche meds and also I’m fragile now in time I will Regain strength as will you.  May God bless you, lots of love and healing to you.  ❤️🙏❤️

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I have been told by countless people that every second of this pain, suffering and absolute torture is absolutely worth it. Like others have said above, life has a new depth and a new meaning to it. When I can be at peace in my mind and body, enjoy food, life, feel joy and love life like I used to, I will be so incredibly grateful. I fight every single day for one reason and one reason only, we get better and our lives return. I am repeatedly told we get E V E R Y T H I N G back and M O R E........

 

Search for the user  “Got to beat this” on here, I spoke to him earlier on the phone. He has been totally healed for hears after a brutal withdrawal. He never thought he would heal, only had two tiny windows during his 3-4 year withdrawal and totally healed in a matter of weeks.

 

Your brain is lying to you, this isn’t how it’s going to be for the rest of your life. That’s why we keep going. That’s why we don’t. ever. give up.

 

Bookmarking this, Tweed, to keep me going. Lovely post. No windows here. But I get brief glimpses of the descriptions in your post, and even those show me that this is the most worthwhile journey I have ever undertaken. I don't regret it, despite the unspeakable pain and hardship, and never will.

 

I am just happy and proud to be off and healing, grateful to have the chance finally to discover/create who I am and want to be.... Truly to own my mind and body, and to work towards real health. To own me. Freedom. Inner peace. To be the best for and love my family -- and not from behind a glass wall, as it has felt to me for most of my life. To enjoy and cherish the simplest things for the rest of my days...much more so than folks who will never know this suffering, because for me these things are so very hard won.

 

Wildflower

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This is the best thread on the forum.  Thanks to all who posted here.  Sometimes hope is evasive.  It slips through our fingers easily.  Then we read inspirational words from other members and we are restored with a stronger resolve than before.

 

Hopeful Heart, there were so many times during this journey I felt so sad.  My life was slipping away and I felt I was losing myself, whoever that used to be.  Every single time I fell into a rabbit hole of despair, it felt like this was the “new me.”  Then my body would pull me up and out and I planted my feet underneath me again.

 

You will heal from this imbalance caused by these pills.  Your body will right itself and you’ll have a new level of peace within.  A peace you’ve never known before.  Is it born out of suffering?  Maybe.  It doesn’t really matter how it appeared.  What matters is it is permanent, this utter joy.  Nothing in life will ever throw you for a loop again.  You’ll be the one left standing in the middle of trying times.  Your daughters will have a mother they can always lean on for strength because they have a mom whose strength came from a battle fought and won, not from a bottle of medication.

 

You bet it’s worth it, sweetheart.

 

Sofa

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[2c...]

Hi all

 

I have been flopping aroundround like a fish out of water.  I m trying to stop, I am having another window and although I see a bit of me I am just beginning this journey.  Saw this thread and hope you all are having an okay day.  Healing thoughts.

 

B

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  • 2 years later...
I'm not sure how I came across this in a search but I'm sure glad I did! I think there are many people who need to be reminded of some of the things that are said in this thread, so lets bump it back up!  :smitten:
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I wonder what happened to hopeful heart as she obviously isn't active anymore. I think Tweed left because she was finding things really hard to cope with. Think we all question whether things will get better. Shame we don't know if they recovered.
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I’m so grateful for the positive and encouraging words from those who have healed. At 25 months Benzo free I’m just now seeing some light at the end of the tunnel coming out of a 3 month horrific wave. It’s so easy to get sucked in to the doom and gloom and hopelessness, but hearing from others that persevered is a life saver.

 

Thanks to everyone!

 

Sandy🥰

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I know, the way I phrased this was not great. I have 2 small girls, so that is out of the question. I just don't remember what my "normal" is and that scares me. I'm scared about who i am going to be when this is all done. I've been on benzos for 11 years, I don't remember who I am.

 

I also have a small girl (2.5 yo). I was on benzos daily for 10 yrs and sporadically for additional 10. At 12 months out, I relapsed and almost reinstated. Now at 16+ months out, I am starting to feel much better. I am more present to my daughter and feel like myself than ever.

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Thank you for these positive messages. I have had such good windows that I thought I had been cured. Now I am in a wave and fear and doubts arise.

 

Thank you all. :smitten:

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