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~ Window Then Back To Hell In A Huge Wave ~


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I had a window yesterday,  I woke up after a half decent nights sleep and didn’t have God forsaken nausea.  It was one of very few days in more than a year.  I ate EXACTLY what I eat every day and zero med changes.

 

It ended last night when I couldn’t fall asleep.  I was awake the entire night and the nausea began again at about 2 o’clock this morning.

 

I guess I should be grateful for yesterday but I don’t understand WHY this happens.

 

SG

💜

 

 

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Hi SeptGirl,  I feel for you. Had the same thing: yesterday was the first better day in over 2 months. Today is a real downer: nauseous, cold, belly pain, muscle pain, weakness,  head pressure. Wishing us some improvement again soon. Bring on the windows!  :sick:
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Hi SeptGirl,  I feel for you. Had the same thing: yesterday was the first better day in over 2 months. Today is a real downer: nauseous, cold, belly pain, muscle pain, weakness,  head pressure. Wishing us some improvement again soon. Bring on the windows!  :sick:

 

Thanks.  We don’t deserve this misery.  I’m just hoping I’ll improve as the morning wears on.  It’s devastating.  I really thought I may be turning the corner.

 

I should have known better being on this poison.

 

I hope we both feel better.

 

SG

💜

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. Let's hope so. May your sunday be a good one.  8)

 

You too!  Hoping for more windows.  Maybe it’s a good sign.  :)

 

I hope so.

 

SG

💜

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Hi Sept girl and Troschetter. I was not in a window but I was gradually improving. However since yesterday I'm in this horrid wave which is so difficult. My pain and my mental symptoms have all gotten worse. We're all waiting to stabilize but I'm certainly nowhere near stable. This process is so unpredictable and so painful. You can never make plans as you don't know how your brain will be.
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Hi Septgirl and "all y'all"

 

I'm so sorry you're going through mostly unrelenting nausea. That is just so awful, because it makes distraction so difficult. It doesn't really want you to get your mind off of it, because it's part of the five alarm system we have. I guess the hopeful part is that you had a good spell, so that means that it is no longer "relentless". It relented once so in all likelihood it will again, more often and for longer.

 

I remember when I was going through a horrific pregnancy that had me nauseous and severely depressed as the months wore on. I was barely functional. And there was also the tantalizing promise that it could all end at some point, but no one could tell me when. During that time, I would have some days of respite and then it would start up again. I would hopefully think, "Is this the day?" And then the answer would come in a new wave of symptoms. The mental dejection felt just as bad as all of the physical stuff. I also felt like a freak of nature that things were that severe.

 

My husband, an engineer, used his way of seeing the world to help me. He showed me a graph with an upward trending line that had dips and peaks. He said that hardly anything, even in the world of computers, goes upward in a steadily straight line.

 

The encouraging part was that each dip is not falling back down to the starting point, but is actually far above the starting point. It's only a dip in relation to the previous peak. The trending line is not your symptoms, but the progress toward your body healing.

 

That doesn't help with the nausea, nor the frustration and doubt, but it can help with the bigger picture regarding your own personal progress.

 

Back then I found that lemon drops helped with that yucky mouth feeling. And with this current taper problem I am using an essential oil diffuser. The lemongrass takes a bit of the edge off (not a lot, but it just smells pleasant as opposed to how most normal things smell suddenly ugh). Sometimes peppermint helps with that as well. Lavender doesn't put me to sleep, but it seems to help me stay asleep a little better. I know how these sorts of tips can feel so feeble, at the level of a blog post with bullet points that are usually about mindful selfcare: take a long walk, play with your pets, take a hot bath, listen to soothing music, blah, blah, blah.

 

All of these ideas are good ones, but they're sort of like offering someone a loosely knit sweater to keep away a chill. It would work well for someone living in the tropics, but for someone on the tundra it's hardly a fix and can be a bit insulting. But the main point of some of these tips is just to let you know that you are worth the trouble.

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Thank you for this.

 

It is extremely difficult to distract oneself when nausea is so extreme.  I take one second at a time and look forward as the day dissolves into night.  I pray for three or four hours of relief while sleeping.  Unfortunately that didn’t happen last night.  Today I have to deal with nausea and overwhelming exhaustion.  Its relentless.  Debilitating.

 

I’ve been suffering with nausea since before my taper began.  I never correlated it to the more than a decade plus use of alprazolam.  Tolerance.  My doctor doubled my daily dosage. When that didn’t help anxiety or nausea, he added yet another milligram a day.  That was useless too.  That’s when the lightbulb finally went off.  I decided to taper. 

 

It took more than a year, but I’ve been off alprazolam for 7.5 weeks. It was long and painful but it’s done.  Had my former psychiatrist not do a failed crossover from alprazolam to clonazepam a year ago, I’d already be benzo free.  I thought getting off alprazolam would eliminate my symptoms.  It hasn’t. I guess I need to be off all benzos for that to happen.  Maybe the lower my dose goes it may improve.  I’m praying that’s the answer.

 

I will find the “well” me again. The me that wasn’t an insomniac, agoraphobic, nauseated and living inside my head each day instead of living a life I used to enjoy.  It’s taking so much longer than anticipated.  I never thought this Thanksgiving would be as bad as last year’s.  But it was.  I’m hoping Christmas will be at least tolerable.

 

I really appreciate the thoughtfulness of your message. I take all the positives to heart.

 

SG

💜

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Turned out to be a horrible day! Not with regard to nausea,  but in being extremely exhausted and having belly pain for hours on end. Had to take more Paracetamols and went to bed for a couple of hours. Things are a bit better now. But the contrast between today and yesterday couldn't have been any bigger.

Val, so sorry for you. Hope you feel better again soon.

 

 

 

 

 

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Turned out to be a horrible day! Not with regard to nausea,  but in being extremely exhausted and having belly pain for hours on end. Had to take more Paracetamols and went to bed for a couple of hours. Things are a bit better now. But the contrast between today and yesterday couldn't have been any bigger.

Val, so sorry for you. Hope you feel better again soon.

 

Sorry but I can certainly empathize with you.  My nausea is back and exhaustion from zero sleep last night.  I wish I could take a nap but I can’t.  As soon as I start to drift off, something in my brain startles me into full awake panic mode.  Horrible.

 

I’m really hoping the afternoon is a little better than the morning.  Really hoping for a good night’s sleep too!

 

I just wish the suffering would end.  It’s just soul crushing.

 

Have a good night.

 

SG

💜

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Thank you Troschetter, what can we do . Just have to bear it  :'(

 

Sept Girl it's exactly the same with me. I'm so exhausted I need to nap but my brain doesn't let me. Thank God I sleep at night even if it's only thanks to gabapentin and trazodone. I don't remember what napping is. And I'm SO tired.

 

Do you guys have to work or other obligations? Then fact of not being able to rest is killing me, or maybe it's what's keeping me alive who knows.

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I don’t work.  My husband is gong to retire at the end of the year. We have two adult sons living on their own.

 

I maintain the household chores the best I can. Cleaning, laundry, etc. My husband takes care of the shopping.  I rarely drive. I drive if my husband is in the car...usually to doctor appointments.  I barely go out anymore. I’ve become agoraphobic.  I never was before.  It’s debilitating living like this.  Existing.  Not living.

 

I’m really hoping to get to a dose that will diminish my symptoms.  Hope.  It’s all that’s left.

 

SG

💜

 

 

 

 

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No, I don't have a job to go to. Would be impossible BTW. Just like Septgirl says, doing the essential things like cooking, laundry and getting groceries are about all I can do. FYI my evening was better, thank God for that. Now it's off for another night of non refreshing sleep. But at least I' ll be unconscious for a couple of hours. Best part of the day.... :(
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No, I don't have a job to go to. Would be impossible BTW. Just like Septgirl says, doing the essential things like cooking, laundry and getting groceries are about all I can do. FYI my evening was better, thank God for that. Now it's off for another night of non refreshing sleep. But at least I' ll be unconscious for a couple of hours. Best part of the day.... :(

 

I know that feeling all too well.

 

I MUST sleep tonight!  Zero sleep last night and I have a follow up appointment with the surgeon in the morning.  At least that seems to be healing well. 

 

I hope you have a better night and day tomorrow.

 

SH

💜

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Bad night. Very disturbed sleep. Awake at 4.30 am in pain. Anxiety kicked in. Tossing and turning constantly. Got up feeling a mess. Exhausted. How much more can I take?  Not a lot, I' m afraid.
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Bad night. Very disturbed sleep. Awake at 4.30 am in pain. Anxiety kicked in. Tossing and turning constantly. Got up feeling a mess. Exhausted. How much more can I take?  Not a lot, I' m afraid.

 

Same with disturbed sleep.  Awake at 4:15 a.m. not with pain but nausea/anxiety/looping thoughts. Thoughts are always a song playing over and over and over.  This morning’s song was Queen, “A Kind Of Magic”.  I love Queen but not on “rinse and repeat” at 4 in the morning.

 

I’m at my wits end too. When does it all end?

 

SG

💜

 

Had a follow up appointment with the surgeon this morning.  Thank God my husband drove.  I’m still very nauseated. 

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Hi SeptGirl and Val, I have the exact same thing: while trying to take a nap, as soon as I am about to fall asleep,  something happens inside my head, I get instant nausea and anxiety. SeptGirl,  a song, or just one line of a song playing over and over in my head, drives me crazy. Last week it was part of a commercial,  later a tune line of Two and a half men, the tune of The big bang theory...absolutely insane.

 

Had a good night. Slept for over 6,5 hours. Hardly any pain or vibrations. But, got up feeling very tired, as usual. After I had breakfast, the exhaustion went away. Going to see the neurologist ( for  Lyme's)  this afternoon. Could well be something else. Maybe he can get me some answers.

 

Wishing you both a good day. That would be a real bonus, right?

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Hi SeptGirl and Val, I have the exact same thing: while trying to take a nap, as soon as I am about to fall asleep,  something happens inside my head, I get instant nausea and anxiety. SeptGirl,  a song, or just one line of a song playing over and over in my head, drives me crazy. Last week it was part of a commercial,  later a tune line of Two and a half men, the tune of The big bang theory...absolutely insane.

 

Had a good night. Slept for over 6,5 hours. Hardly any pain or vibrations. But, got up feeling very tired, as usual. After I had breakfast, the exhaustion went away. Going to see the neurologist ( for  Lyme's)  this afternoon. Could well be something else. Maybe he can get me some answers.

 

Wishing you both a good day. That would be a real bonus, right?

 

Glad your sleep improved.  If I got 6.5 hours of sleep, I would be absolutely giddy.  My average is 4 hours.  Last night was the same...restless and then early wake up.  Today’s looping music at 4:00 a.m. was “Come On Eileen”!  Dear God...THAT was painful hearing over and over again! 

 

Extra anxious today as I had a psychologist appointment this morning.  I drove but my husband was in the car with me.  I don’t think I could do it on my own.  Stressful and only made the daily nausea worse.

 

I think I’m going to break protocol and do a big cut.  Slow isn’t working.  I’m at .71mg/day divided into 3 equal doses. Snail pace.  Pretty sure my next cut is going to be to .64mg which is an almost 10% cut.  Maybe getting to a lower dose will get the nausea under control?  Something has to change.  I really can’t take much more.

 

I hope you get answers from the neurologist.  I have myself convinced I have every disease in the book when I’m certain in my “normal thinking” it’s benzo withdrawal.

 

I really hope things improve for all of us.

 

Hoping we can have a miracle and have good nights of sleep and symptom free days ahead.

 

SG

💜

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Hi SeptGirl,  good news at the neurologist '. Nothing wrong. Bloodtests all OK. The positive result in an earlier test for Lyme's must be  from an old infection. Neurologically everything OK. Muscles are tight, so I should try to relax them with yoga or mindfulness,  he suggested.  Wishing you good luck with your next cut, hope it improves things. We can all do with a brake from all of this.

Time for bed now. Fingers crossed it will be a good sleep.

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SG. I had really bad nausea when I hit tolerance on .5mg of Ativan. I’ve cut 50% of that in just a little over a month and my nausea is completely gone though other very debilitating wd symptoms are now present. Still sleeping okay though. I wish you and everyone relief and healing.
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SG. I had really bad nausea when I hit tolerance on .5mg of Ativan. I’ve cut 50% of that in just a little over a month and my nausea is completely gone though other very debilitating wd symptoms are now present. Still sleeping okay though. I wish you and everyone relief and healing.

 

@AtivanPoison

 

What other symptoms do you have? I find nausea very debilitating. Insomnia is horrid too.  Last night...11:00 p.m. to 2:00 a.m.  That was it.  Nausea, sweating and anxiety woke me up.  It’s impossible to get back to sleep.

 

Paresthesia, agoraphobia, dizziness, carb intolerance, weight loss (trying to maintain) and overall feeling of being unwell persist.

 

I’ve already cut about 30% since the end of September.  I don’t think I can cut half of my current dose which is .71mg but was definitely thinking of getting down to at least .50mg/day.  That would be more than 30% and thinking of doing it all at once. I’m not sure I can take another month of nausea.

 

Thanks for your input.

 

I hope you’re feeling better and on your way to healing too.

 

SG

💜

 

 

 

 

 

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I’m not recommending or advocating you cut your dose by 50% at all. I just wanted to chime in and let you know the nausea may let up for you as you get lower as it definitely did for me. I had horrible nausea that would burn my stomach the entire day and it’s completely gone now. I’ve actually been eating quite horribly as of late and having no stomach issues. I was in horrible tolerance withdrawal and having bad paradoxical reactions to Ativan so I made some big cuts and am suffering big time for it. I’m suffering from a ton of symptoms the main ones being anxiety, panic attacks, vision problems, dizziness and extreme dp/dr. There’s a lot more but those are the big ones. Surprisingly I’m still sleeping “okay”.

 

I’m also now c/o to Valium and am seeing some slight improvements and it’s only been day 5 of my c/o. I hope they continue. You just have to find the right balance, I assume, in tapering so that you can manage both sxs and wd symptoms to the best of your ability.

 

I hope you find some relief soon, it may be just around the corner!

 

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I’m not recommending or advocating you cut your dose by 50% at all. I just wanted to chime in and let you know the nausea may let up for you as you get lower as it definitely did for me. I had horrible nausea that would burn my stomach the entire day and it’s completely gone now. I’ve actually been eating quite horribly as of late and having no stomach issues. I was in horrible tolerance withdrawal and having bad paradoxical reactions to Ativan so I made some big cuts and am suffering big time for it. I’m suffering from a ton of symptoms the main ones being anxiety, panic attacks, vision problems, dizziness and extreme dp/dr. There’s a lot more but those are the big ones. Surprisingly I’m still sleeping “okay”.

 

I’m also now c/o to Valium and am seeing some slight improvements and it’s only been day 5 of my c/o. I hope they continue. You just have to find the right balance, I assume, in tapering so that you can manage both sxs and wd symptoms to the best of your ability.

 

I hope you find some relief soon, it may be just around the corner!

 

@AtivanPoison...

 

I understand you’re expressing what you did.  I didn’t take it as an invitation to do the same.  I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly with other symptoms.  Not having nausea is good though. 

 

I think anxiety is maybe a big part of my nausea.  Anticipatory anxiety.  I started on trazodone 50mg last night.  I did sleep a bit better and not as nauseated today.  I’m hoping it’s a trend that continues and not just a one night deal.  I really could use a break!

 

If I do keep feeling better, I am going to try making a bigger cut.  The less of this poison we take, the better we’ll be!

 

I hope your c/o to Valium goes well.  I just didn’t want to risk another failed c/o so I’m going with a straight taper off the devil clonazapam.  They’re all devils.  Benzos suck.

 

Take care!

 

SG

💜

 

 

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Hi, fellow unhappy tummy people:

 

I wanted to see how all of you are doing and let you know that I think of you and what you/we are going through.

 

My vertigo and nausea sneak up on me at times. I'm not suffering from it as horribly as you are. But when it does, I spend some of that time asking for relief and healing for those who are having it mostly all of the time.

 

I have so much pain and spasm at the base of my skull, my neck, and my upper back and shoulders-- it seems like the back of the brain may be where the nausea/vertigo trigger is. I don't know that at all, but it just feels that way, even though I have pervasive symptoms of other things, too.

 

My neck can get so tight that it actually snaps my head a little to one side. It makes me self-conscious about going out in public.

 

I haven't tried benadryl for symptoms yet, so I think I will on bad days. Septgirl, I feel for all of the anti-nausea drugs that were held out to you with a promise they would help and then they didn't. That is a real hit to the spirit.

 

Do you all have Instacart grocery delivery or Walmart delivery where you live? That has really helped me. Or some grocery stores let you do the ordering online and then you (or whoever does the shopping) only have to pick them up at a time of your choosing. That helps me mentally to feel like I can still contribute in small ways to lessen the tasks that others have on their lists.

 

I have been nibbling on oat crackers called Benevita or something like that quite a bit. I usually try to keep carbs to a minimum, but sometimes that's the only thing I can get down. I've lost a lot of weight, and I'm irritated that I can't pick WHERE I lose fat. I know from experience that when I begin to eat normally again that I'll gain the weight back quicker than I would like, so it's frustrating that we can't control this. I look forward to the day when I can't even bear the sight of the cracker box, because that will mean that I am better.

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Had pretty well every wd side effect there was and though some reappear, the worst seem to resolve as I get lower in dosage. Holding isn't an option for me. Since you're so low, have you considered just going ahead with your taper?
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