6 months and I am losing all hope.

Almost 14 months in this state since the setback and now off meds for 6 months.  This feels like it is permanent damage and I am stuck in Hell.  This is what I am experiencing still -

 

0-2 hours sleep, never feel sleepy. 

Head pressure with tingling and burning sensations. 

Depersonalization and derealization.

Constant anxiety and SI.

No feelings of love, joy, interest etc. Complete numbness

Tinnitus.

 

Is this even going to get better?  This is really no life. 

I don’t see an end in sight. My body is getting worse 3 months off and I tapered after 5 months use. Been the healthiest I’ve ever been in my life on paper but my body is failing me. Now that I have dysautonomia and can’t walk I don’t see a very good future. Tired of hearing “just wait time heals”. No it doesn’t. We just get used to feeling like shit and it turns to Stockholm syndrome.

Even if you think “time heals” is bullshit it still works.  Read through my horrendous experience.  I’m at 95% normal.  In some ways I’m better than pre or during drugs.

Same here. Sorry u r suffering too

So 5 years to be 95% is the glimmer of hope we should all hold on to? Lol. This drug is poison and should be illegal for human suffering. You do realize you spent more of your life “healing” than when you were on the drug. This situation blows my mind. I just can’t believe I have years more of this I already have lost everything.

And I read an update from you a few days ago and you still can’t go to your office because light sensitivity. You still have muscle issues and exercise intolerance. You have to nap because you get tired easy.. That doesn’t seem like 95% to me. It seems like someone who has long lasting brain damage who wants to feel like they are healing so they pretend. I believe we all start to get somewhat better. But we don’t ever fully heal. The brain, nervous systems, and neuro pathways are permanently altered. I’ll never be able to be who I was before this.

Dude read my shit right...I wake up at 5am, have two kids under the age of three, and support my family. I’m not 25 years old either.  I’m damn tired by early afternoon and I think any normal human may be too.  My exercise intolerance is 100x better  I have light sensitivity issues and I suffer w migraines.  That might have just been with or without the drugs. I can go into the office but it’s not comfortable so I’m able to work from home and do.  Before the drugs I was bothered by lights in stores. 

 

We have no choice on this path.  It is what it is. I wasn’t miserable for every moment of five years.  I started getting better at two years.  The experience made me a way better person in many aspects. 

 

Good luck to you dude but I’m really sorry I stepped up to try and give you some hope. 

My last comment was meant for Trueblue450 not the original poster.  Also, I was on the drug for over twenty years so no I am not healing longer than I was on the drug.  I know how sick I was and how I am now(95% better without question).  Your info on me is all wrong. 

Feel like all my cold turkeys have caused serious damage. What can you do when there is no relief for an extended period like this?  Every day now I am not sure I can survive this.  My sleep is almost non-existent.  I never feel tired and basically wait until my brain shuts down just to keep me alive.  I am lately getting 15m to 30m sleep periods that never seem to add up to more than an hour or two. 

I am also stuck in panic and with head pain that is non-stop.  I have been fighting hard but there seems to be no end.

 

Early days ... no one wants to hear that but for some it's the way it is. We can rant and rave about how unfair it is but it doesn't make a bit of difference.

I see that I am improving as I get less drug in my system and my motivation is to get off the drug completely and take it from there.

If I didn't believe I would get better eventually, I would end it now.

I know that I have to deal with problems I had before I was on psych drugs and I'm not magically healed because I'm almost off the last of them. There are also the problems added on while I was on the drugs - decisions made while I was most definitely not of sound mind. Nothing I can do about that.

My life is pathetic. I stay in my house most days and do a minimal amount of stuff - mostly read because I ache too much to do much more. I've lost so much weight and muscle mass that I look like a human skeleton. I'm sensitive to all stimuli - sound, light, smell etc. DP/DR, migraines - yeah, that too. BUT I am better than I was - used to be curled up and crying on top of all that.

I am extremely lucky to have a supportive partner who does the shopping and does the majority of the housework, weighs and cuts my pills.

It's hard and I know I find inspirational stories annoying most times because they usually sound like we should be thankful for what little we can reclaim of our lives. All I know is I don't want to die with this shit in my system.

This is rough...very rough. I am off 80 percent of my medicine the other 20 percent is killing me when I try and make any cuts. I have only cut maybe 10 or 12 percent this entire year because i was so messed up from a rapid taper last fall. I am about 14 months out and I am having horrendous insomnia.

 

I hit rock bottom with it last night --it was my worse night from this insomnia. I dont care if Im not 100 percent when I get off this as long as I am close to who I was that will be fine. As long as I am not going thru this torture anymore Ill be fine. Thats about all anyone can ask for. I was on this shit for 30 years and I started having a bad time before I started tapering. So I really dont have a choice but to finish the taper.

 

Good luck to you all for the rest of your tapers. Sorry that this is so rough on everyone -- I know it sucks.

 

Six months off here also, after having to quit cold turkey. I had a wonderful two week window back in September where I was actually sleeping somewhat normal. I was really starting to think I might be done with this nightmare. I should have known better, I am now back in hell. Most nights I am not conscious, but it really doesn’t feel like sleep, and I “wake up” everyday feeling absolutely exhausted and horrible. I don’t know what in the world my brain is doing.

Hi all same for me , I am close to the end of my taper and sleep has always been an issue thru this entire taper.

Never had a problem with sleep before.

If i do get 4 hours it feels  like i am awake the entire time.

Its the strangest feeling ever, makes me so nervous , I cant nap at all just cant fall asleep.

I am in my bed and am so tired but just cant fall asleep.

anyone else.??

Lisa

Hi all same for me , I am close to the end of my taper and sleep has always been an issue thru this entire taper.

Never had a problem with sleep before.

If i do get 4 hours it feels  like i am awake the entire time.

Its the strangest feeling ever, makes me so nervous , I cant nap at all just cant fall asleep.

I am in my bed and am so tired but just cant fall asleep.

anyone else.??

Lisa

 

Yes exactly the same here

It does get better but it is slow