My success story

Well it’s Thanksgiving and I’ve just had a wonderful thanksgiving. Surrounded by family and friends. I was on klonopin for 20 years and at 31 months, the ordeal has passed. I had all the painful, frightening things that can happen, happen. Everyone knows the brutality that occurs with this, when the brain that’s been damaged begins to heal, initially misfiring, and the signals between the brain and the central nervous system aren’t communicating “normally”.  I had developed horrific afib, sometimes lasting for 2 days, terrible IBS symptoms, it all came on like an avalanche. The multitude of symptoms. Everyone who reads this understands. And now it’s gone. It’s all gone. I feel connected to myself, to people, to life, in ways and to a depth I’ve never experienced in my life. My relationship with God is real and mature. I can try to explain the wonder and curiosity I’ve discovered but words don’t merit. And that came on early in this journey and has never left. I suffered tremendously through this and I not only survived, I thrived. Talk about a spiritual journey, this has been unlike anything I’ve ever tasted. Everything, absolutely everything, about me is different. I am the “hero of my own story” as we all are. I am grateful for this experience. And I am grateful that I am still here for the next leg of my journey.

Thank you sharing a story of recovery and renewed faith. The fact you were able to taper after 20 years of use is proof that most will recover regardless of the duration and symptoms.  It is a great encouragement for those suffering the worst of it.

 

Best to you and your family.

Congratulations, Bluetruck.

It's wonderful to read such a beautiful story of healing after 20 years on klonopin and on and off other meds too.

Thank you 🙏

I am 30 months off a bad case of polydrugging for 13 years and am still very much suffering/struggling, disconnected from myself and the world, still having to cope through akathisia. Hope is what keeps me going, and your testimony brought hope to me today. So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Have a wonderful life!

Julz

You give me hope!

At twenty months off, did you still feel like you were insane? I still do.

I don’t know what you mean by insane. I had bouts of intense anger, sadness, my emotional canvas was a wreck. I lived with tidal waves of thoughts and emotions. But I had let go of internal and external expectations early on. The more I let go the better I got. I new my brain was in trauma. It would heal when it healed. I only cared about healing me. I interacted with life but I was my first priority. I still am. I believe now, because of this experience, I am completely responsible for my well being and no one is going to interfere with that. I’m 65 years old. If not now when?

Hi bluetruck62,

 

Thank you for telling your story, your journey is truly inspiring.

 

Pamster

This gives so much hope!  I too have found this to be a spiritual journey and although I have suffered tremendously I just know life will be beautiful when I get through this, I have learnt so much about the strength of my spirit, gratitude and self care.  Thank you for sharing this inspiring success story!

Love this success story!

Hi Bluetruck,

 

Thank you so much for posting your story and congratulations to you for getting off benzos and all the other drugs. 

 

I've been pollydrugged too and your story gives me hope.

 

I'm wishing you a wonderful life going forward. 

 

Congratulations on your healing! And a beautiful story to share on Thanksgiving thank you. I have good windows and bad waves. My windows I feel symptom free for the most part and they can last a few weeks to a month and then symptoms start again. Did you also you through these kinds of windows and waves? If so, did your windows just keep getting longer? I’d love to know more. Thanks!

Yes I had the windows and waves. My waves were long, windows were short, in the first 2 years. I thought windows were a myth. I grieved a lot but I was determined to not let in fear and despair.  Intense emotions emerged. I couldn’t believe how strong, and anger? Whew. But I knew it was all part of the process of my brain healing. When I finally turned a corner it was surprisingly fast. I began to be able to identify windows and they became longer. I attribute it to 2 years of “clean living” through the worst of it. I’ve developed a lifestyle that will be with me from now on. My first big change was prayer. I used to pray out of a sense of duty, peppered with a belief of unworthiness. Then prayer became a desperate, all day plea. I practiced and will continue to practice self acceptance. I began to study religions. In the midst of prayer I was and am lead to research. That has lead to a better understanding of caring for my own health, physically and spiritually. I started eating a lot of vegetables and whole grains. I do not eat any processed foods, I avoid sugar. In the first leg of withdrawal sugar would trigger afib. I had to give up my beloved coffee, but discovered green tea. I take cold showers as it seems to reset my central nervous system. I met people throughout my community who garden and share their produce. I make sourdough bread to barter with, as I live on a limited income. I walk everyday, no matter the weather. And I get into nature everyday. Even if just a walk in a stand of trees near my home. I took up yoga. I do yogic breathing techniques, meditation, initially that one was very hard in the midst of incessant, racing thoughts, but I’m a stubborn “old bird”. The racing thoughts have gone. I researched and use essential oils and dmso. I began to volunteer to distract myself from the horror. Even an hour was very difficult, but I did it out of necessity and now I love it. I get information from Mad In America, a great resource and the Dana foundation keeps me informed about discoveries concerning the brain. This has turned into a great adventure of discovery and letting go of past negative beliefs about myself and life. A powerful letting go. I just don’t worry anymore and I have grown children and grandchildren that would throw me into spasms of worry prior to this. When my daughter commented about the change, because she saw no worry and I laugh a lot, I told her “yeah I think God broke my brain and I’m loving it”. Now my heart knows worry, about anything, gets me nowhere. Action seems to be my remedy in that arena. And if I can’t change the situation I’m not hanging on to it. Answers come everyday and in surprising form. I’ve discovered I’m a geek for research. And apparently, family has informed me, an optimist. So at the risk of continuing rambling on, it’s been the toughest thing I’ve ever done and the best lessons I’ve ever learned.

Thank you so much for your story, giving hope to those who really need it.  That you have gained from this, shows what  a positive person you are now.

 

Well done on getting free of all the psychotropic drugs, and finding out how wonderful life can be.

 

I wish this for everyone,

 

Jen

bluetruck, huge congratulations! I love your fighting spirit....and especially the last description you wrote about your journey. I'm finding it such a comfort, as my experience (now at 18 months off) seems to match yours closely. Hardly any windows so far, mostly extreme terror, anger, despair, grief, gut symptoms....

 

Thank you also for writing down the ways in which you coped and how you changed your life. I'm taking a similar approach, and your story confirms to me that I'm on the right path. I catch brief glimpses in my own journey of what you write below (although I'm still struggling badly):

 

I suffered tremendously through this and I not only survived, I thrived. Talk about a spiritual journey, this has been unlike anything I’ve ever tasted. Everything, absolutely everything, about me is different. I am the “hero of my own story” as we all are. I am grateful for this experience. And I am grateful that I am still here for the next leg of my journey.

 

Wishing you a blessed Thanksgiving and a beautiful, rich life ahead.

 

Many thanks,

Wildflower

Hi blue!

Thanks for shearing your story. Actually I found a lot of similarities with mine as far as symptoms and what we naturally have to easy them. Cold showers ,meditation,and breathing technics have been my saving rope in bad situations too. I haven't been that long with this terrible drugs but concerns me that for some of us that tiny bit of this crap can change our lives.

Hope you continuous your new journey and all that happened was another brick to build the beautiful wall of life!

Thanks,

Miguel 

bluetruck62 Thanks for sharing this story. So glad you were able to heal. Did you find anything to curb the anger or what to do to stop it? I get rage attacks so bad its like having tourettes I start screaming crazy things and can't pull out of it.Its my worst symptom because its most offensive. I've never dealt with anything like this.

Bluetruck, congratulations on making it and sharing your story. It is very uplifting for those of us still walking the walk. 

I try not go to give up hope and also try not to think of what all this has done and is still doing to my brain.

I have no place to go but forward and maybe one day I can share my store like you did.

Thanks!

Good on you BT62. Congratulations on living!

 

B strong

Congratulations bluetruck62 for reaching the other side! I am soooo happy for your healing and thank you so much for coming back and sharing with us your success story. It is always inspiring to read success stories such as yours as they gives so much hope that healing do actually happens.

 

May you continue to receive joy, peace, love and wellness in your new life!

 

Blessings

Pi

Thank you so much for your words 🙏🏼