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Thanksgiving in the Psychiatric Unit - Things looking up! 🙏


[Ja...]

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Hi all,

        Those here who know me know that about a year and a half ago my wife and I suddenly lost our 9 year old daughter. The doctors put me on Xanax to “help” with sleep while grieving. Well it backfired on me big time, I quickly became dependent and hit tolerance.

 

I spent last Thanksgiving, the first without our little girl, in the psychiatric unit withdrawing hard from Xanax while the doctors experimented on me like a guinea pig. I spent Thanksgiving gritting my teeth, shaking, pacing the entire day and night away, unable to eat, sleep, or even sit down for more than seconds at a time. This acute phase went on for months and I still have some symptoms a tear later.

 

I am so thankful to be spending this Thanksgiving with my wife and son. My wife got up early and went to the gym. I got up and gave my son a bath and surprised my wife by having him all ready to go. I ironed his clothes and combed his hair. I went to the store and bought myself a new pair of jeans. We’re all ready to go and are heading out to see the family. My appetite is back in a big way and I will be putting it to good use today. This is a tough season for us and I am so thankful to be able to be there for my wife today. I am so thankful to spend today with my son. Benzo withdrawal taught me to appreciate so many things I took for granted.

 

At lunch at work yesterday a one the of the guys mentioned being disappointed in his Thanksgiving last year. I thought for a second about my Thanksgiving last year. I said well, last year I spent Thanksgiving in the psych ward being tortured from the inside out and back in. I laughed. I am so thankful that I am not there.

 

Those of you who are still there, I have not forgotten. I am so sorry to those of you who are still where I was last year. It is okay if you don’t feel thankful today. I am thinking of all of you today. I have been there. I have been lower than most people will ever experience. Acute benzo withdrawal after such a tragic loss was unexplainable. I wanted to give up many times. I am thankful that I was blessed with the strength to push through. No, I am not completely healed yet, and yes I am still tapering Remeron but compared to where I have been this is a cakewalk lately.

 

The advantage to having reached rock bottom is that you can only move up from there. I have and will continue to do so.

 

I am thankful for everyone here who has helped me through all of this.

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Your friend,

Jack

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Thanks for your post Jack.  It reminded me just how powerful gratitude can be in our lives.  It's great to see you engaged and enjoying your life again.  Happy Thanksgiving!
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