Author Topic: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety  (Read 1214 times)

[Buddie]

Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« on: September 14, 2010, 10:04:44 am »
Triggers from bad past experiences have cause enormous anxiety this morning. I live next door to my parents and even in my 40s was still being dominated by them, and verbally abused and used to be very anxious when I even just saw them. Then something happened that completely changed the relationship to my dad and a year later he got cancer, yet we became very close and had a very comfortable close relationship. The relationship with my mom was also very abusive but she also has changed towards me (since my dad died). So for years I actually mourned the loss of my dad.

Yet this morning I look out the window and just "see" someone who looks like my dad and what memories come back? The ones of when I was really afraid of just seeing him. It is the second time this has happened since trying to taper. Once when I just went for a walk all the abuse memories crashed down on my mind.

I am now in an extreme state of anxiety with only the "bad" memories back. Why is my mind making a "jump" over all the good years we spent with each other?

I came on forum to read about anxiety and see if I could find some advice. But then decided to post, thought maybe someone could help me out of this.

I did read one thing in a post which was that "Remember that irrational thoughts (in my case triggers) have no relationship with the present moment. But the anxiety is still having me shaking right now.

Elke
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #1 on: September 14, 2010, 02:06:28 pm »
Elke, During my taper I have had all sorts of thoughts some about the past and some about the future all of which try to make me even more anxious or depressed.  My theory about this is that when one is feeling anxious or depressed, anxiety-producing and depressing thoughts naturally flow from these feelings.  It is as if some area where we store all of these thoughts in our minds is opened by the feelings themselves.  I don't know if this helps but it helps me to know that it isn't the real me who is thinking this way but the me who is in benzo withdrawal who is.  Wishing you peace, Darrin
« Last Edit: September 14, 2010, 03:56:23 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #2 on: September 14, 2010, 02:34:55 pm »
I don't know why our minds always go to the negative but, at least for me, that is what I remember most clearly.  If I think back even to high school, I don't remember the good times with anything like the emotion I feel for the bad.  I think this is made worse in withdrawal but it's pretty much been part of my life as far back as I can remember.  Just remember that since it's a thought "attacking" you and not your dad, you can learn to change your thinking to talk yourself down from the heightened state of anxiety.  ;)
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #3 on: September 14, 2010, 04:44:59 pm »
Just remember that since it's a thought "attacking" you and not your dad, you can learn to change your thinking to talk yourself down from the heightened state of anxiety.  ;)

Thanks [...], that helps. (But lordy, I have a lot of empty time on my hands now and "thinking" is about all I have to do!)

P.S. I just read a very interesting artikle on Benzowithdrawal in German. I wish I could have the concentration to translate it, because it says many interesting things. Withdrawal from Benzos is a learning process, since your brain has learned and internalized (Benzo=good feelings) it has to relearn (No Benzos=return of negative feelings). They also write about the release of Dopamin due to GABA receptors being blocked when taking Benzos. So its actually the Dopamin which causes the positive emotions from taking Benzos. Then in withdrawal GABA receptors not blocked anymore, no more release of Dopamin, and negative feelings and responses return.

« Last Edit: September 14, 2010, 04:56:22 pm by [Buddie] »
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2010, 05:26:41 pm »
I've had times in the past year where even after my parents did a lot of good thigns for me day after day I would still wake up thinking about the bad past again.
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2010, 07:19:31 pm »
Thanks for your reply and letting me know Im not alone. A shame all the bad stuff comes up during and after withdrawal.

Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #6 on: September 14, 2010, 08:11:13 pm »
You're not alone [...], Heather Ashton says bad memories surface in w/d.

Have you looked up breathing techniques on the web.
They stop us taking in too much oxygen, which I believe speeds up adrenalin production, whch in turn gives us anxious feelings, which lead onto anxoius thoughts.

Lots of love
J
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #7 on: September 14, 2010, 08:57:00 pm »
Hi [...],

I am pretty new here, but I totally empathize with your feelings and triggers of memories of the past.

Yesterday I was feeling guilty for (get this) a time when I was about four and was peacefully coloring a picture of a swan with my dad. I didn't feel like coloring the swam white, I guess because the paper was white or I was lazy. My dad said something about coloring the swan and I said I already did (thinking it was white, right?), which of course he knew was not true. He did not get mad - just caught me in a fib... very tiny little guilt memory... and it was bothering me for about 3 hours.

On top of the guilt and anxiety, my brain wants to figure out the situation and goes around and around looking at the issue. I tried visualizing that little girl and forgiving her, even for such a small offense. It didn't really help... and I know it is the drugs. But it still nags at me.

These feeling are awful and maddening. I am so there with you. I wish I had answers. Maybe a journal or art or some other kind of expression would help. Knowing it is the drug is not always comforting to me. It still hurts. We feel out of control and a bit out of out minds. Of course, some feelings are normal too. Who knows, without the drug, which of our feelings of the past would come up anyway? Perhaps writing them down and deciding to "think about that later" might help? I might try that.

You are not alone. Your feelings just "are." You are not crazy. What you are is BRAVE and successfully fighting your way out of a very thick and nasty jungle. YOU ARE A WARRIOR and you are stronger than you sometimes might feel.

You touch my heart and I will keep you in my thoughts and send you my best peace and courage.

Fondly,
[...]
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.

[Buddie]

Re: Triggers/memories from past causing anxiety
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2010, 03:01:37 pm »
Anxiety is back full blown today. The horrible thing is walking passed the mirror and seeing yourself with pulled up and in shoulders. Makes me look like an old lady. In this feeling I wouldnt even dare leave the house, cause people just have to see your pulled up shoulders which signifies fear. I wouldnt have noticed it unless I walked passed this mirror, and I look HORRIBLE. Am now trying to consciously sit with shoulders down, but its hard.

Anyone else have this?

Elke
Suggestions, opinions and/or advice provided by the author of this post should not be regarded as medical advice; nor should it substitute for professional medical care. Consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication. Please read our Community Policy Documents board for further information.