Why can’t I drive or go to stores can’t think of what to buy just food

I was put on Ativan for one panic attack since going off CT my love had been ripped from me every aspect.  It makes no sense. My brain is so damaged I can’t think at all.  I just am off about my symptoms and feel like I am barely making it day to day.  I  have my job for 15 years a management analyst.  I was working full time taking care of my boys in multi sports and.have dogs I would care for and a home to take care of. I was working out 4 days a week a least.  Now I can’t even drive. My brain is more then foggy.  I can’t  navigate the simple tasks you learn a a young adult or teen. I would say the things that come instinctively.  This all happened after I stopped the mds.  I can’t even explain it’s horrible on top of insomnia and spinning at home 24hrs a day. I’m going crazy being home doing nothing because I can’t.  I want to be be back and work driving and doing what a mother does.  I’m loosing hope. Only been 3 months I can barely force a shower on myself.  Head symphony’s I’m hot im scared.  I lost a ton of weight.    How do I keep pushing.  I hate being home alone.  I want to do things I want to feel again even when my kids and spouse are home I feel alone. It is worst feeling in the world.    I can’t telax ever. 

The not driving is a common withdrawl symptom. Perhaps, you could just drive to the store and back. Maybe if you tried you will find you can do it. You have to start somewhere. I didn't want to drive at all but I made myself. Then I realized it wasn't so bad. The longer you don't the harder it is to try. Human nature lets us freak ourselves out. I still would not get on a freeway though. I find I don't have a hard time in stores or out and about at all. I know lots do. You don't seem to because you've never mentioned it. Or, that is why you are house

bound. If you are housebound because of a fear of driving if it were me I would try the local super market to just see if I could. What do you think?

It’s because my brain feels so bad I can’t naviagte my life. I feel disconnected from my family and my brain seems so bad.l want to go back to work but I feel not real.  I just want to g back to be away from home  It’s so lonely to be home 24/7 in your thoughts    My husband works long hours and my kids are at school until 6 or later for sports.    It feels empty I can’t remebr much of anything and I can’t explain how bad I don’t want to be home.    I will sit in car for hours trying to calm down.    I just want to feel normal again.   

There are plenty of people here that three months after a cold turkey they are having lots of problems like you are. Then it lifts. I know you feel you will not recover. Please don't be scared. You will get better. Everyone  does.

 

 

I have been having indecision about buying anything and especially food given GI issues which likely from withdrawal for years.  I use to LOVE to grocery shop now I panic about EVERY decision even outside of groceries.  I thought I was going nuts.  This is making work and activities of daily living nearly impossible as because of the indecision anxiety respond I just avoid my responsibilities outside work.  Starting with feeding myself.  Sounds crazy but I weigh so little now and am so weak I’m scared I’ll just hit the floor and can’t seem to help myself.  The life force just isn’t there.  Maybe someone can relate ?

Mrtnz, I have a couple of thought about the drugs you are on. (Maybe I'm reading your sig wrong and if so, I apologize).

 

I was prescribed Vicodin after back surgery and it was such a horrible drug for me that I had to get off it (made me weepy and aggressive).  You say you are taking 20 mgs a day of the V? That's a big dose. For what? Is this something left over from a legitimate prescription? Are you in pain? If you are, I'd try to substitute something else. If not, if I were you, I would make a plan to get off the V. As I said It was a horrid drug for me. I wonder if it's not contributing to making you feel psychologically awful -- i.e. contributing to your agoraphobia. When I got off the V I felt almost human again.

 

Now, about the Ativan. How on earth can you take only .25 mgs a day? This drug is meant to be taken 3-4 x a day. The interdose wd/s from it are horrible. I know. I was on it for 6 months before I switched to valium. I thought I'd go mad. IMO you are seriously "underbenzoed" on your Ativan.

 

What plans have you made for tapering either of these drugs? You need and deserve to have your life back. It hurts me to think of you in your present situation. Can you tell us what your plans are for tapering? Someone who knows more than me might suggest a Vicodin plan. I know Ativan well and I think it will be a bear to get off of, but you can do it. Have you considered switching to valium? A is such a short-acting drug, I don't know how you are managing taking it only once a day.

 

Does my suggestion of switching to valium (it would be a factor of 10 more than your ativan) make sense? It sure would make for an easier taper. You can do this. You can get off both drugs and get your life back. I was on 3 miserable drugs and tapered them all . . . and now I have my life back.

 

Get back to us?

 

Thinking of you,

 

 

Katz

 

 

Easier said than done but you just have to go out there and do it. Just a little at a time. Drive to the local supermarket. If grocery shopping gets too overwhelming, make a list. Buy things that are easy to make. Things that that are easy for your kids to make as well. I know exactly what you're going through. I have 4 children and a grandchild and when I first got off the meds ,almost 4 months ago,  it was so hard. I couldn't be a mother. It hurt me so much watching them watch me suffer. I couldn't get out of bed. The fear that I had was something I never experienced before and along with the physical symptoms was torture. One day I just decided that I had to get up and just fight everything that I felt. I started driving my kids to school, went grocery shopping all alone ,with fear and all but I did it. Don't get me wrong it's still hard but I'm going to continue doing it until the fear and anxiety fade away. You can do it. Small steps everyday.

I feel disconnected from my family and my brain seems so bad.l want to go back to work but I feel not real.

 

Sorry to hear you are struggling. The feeling of being disconnected from yourself and the world outside (your family and surroundings) sounds like DPDR. I dont wish to plant more Sx's in your mind so if you dont have this ignore my response. DPDR comes with a host of psychological symptoms. DPDR is a common symptom among some going through withdrawal  -> http://benzowithdrawalhelp.com/coping-skills/the-weird-world-of-depersonalization/

 

Wishing you strength and a speedy recovery.

I'm so sorry you are suffering so much, Mrtnzcruz.  I totally understand about not being able to just buy food at the store.  I think there is a part of our brains, in charge of decision making and planning, that does not work well during benzo withdrawal.  I'm so sorry you are struggling so much.  Unfortunately it is normal, and par for the course with benzo withdrawal.  I hope you get some relief soon.  :smitten:

I m off V CT'd in August.  It is hard.  You have to do what needs to be done.  Is your Husband aware of wd and sx?  I m alone with roommates that don't believe I m still in wd.  I drive, feed myself, go to therapy, doctors appointment, pick up my meds, bathe, wash my hair, dishes, housework, take care of dogs, yoga and what ever else I have to do.  Some days I sit in my car and scream and cry.  But somehow you will get through it just like I am.  Yes I have grown kids, I do all I can to protect them from this. Yes I Fake it!  Because I have to!  There is no other option, life for me must go on!  Then I get on BB and fall apart.  It's awful I have alot of sx.  You have to do everything you can do every day!  I have to!  You can do this!  There is no other option!

I was put on Ativan for one panic attack since going off CT my love had been ripped from me every aspect.  It makes no sense. My brain is so damaged I can’t think at all.  I just am off about my symptoms and feel like I am barely making it day to day.  I  have my job for 15 years a management analyst.  I was working full time taking care of my boys in multi sports and.have dogs I would care for and a home to take care of. I was working out 4 days a week a least.  Now I can’t even drive. My brain is more then foggy.  I can’t  navigate the simple tasks you learn a a young adult or teen. I would say the things that come instinctively.  This all happened after I stopped the mds.  I can’t even explain it’s horrible on top of insomnia and spinning at home 24hrs a day. I’m going crazy being home doing nothing because I can’t.  I want to be be back and work driving and doing what a mother does.  I’m loosing hope. Only been 3 months I can barely force a shower on myself.  Head symphony’s I’m hot im scared.  I lost a ton of weight.    How do I keep pushing.  I hate being home alone.  I want to do things I want to feel again even when my kids and spouse are home I feel alone. It is worst feeling in the world.    I can’t telax ever.

 

 

I can tell you that how you are feeling is very normal for benzo withdrawal. Please try to accept this. What you are going through is totally normal for someone who went off benzos abruptly.

 

 

I rarely quote but your story is so compelling I need to just to make sure I answer your questions.

 

What made you stop taking them so abruptly? Did something happen? For most people tapering off is a better choice, but they ARE some people who just have to go cold turkey. I would be one of those people.

 

Well, here you are, going through a normal benzo wd, which means a withdrawal from hell. Getting off benzos is horrendously weird from some. WHY some people feel that bad is unknown. Most people stop taking benzos and are just fine. It is wonderful that you found your way here to BB! This forum saved my damn life, no lie. Without BB I would have reinstated and would now be very dead.

 

Now listen to me. You WILL heal from this and able to resume your life. But it might take some time. Be prepared for that, and today, start learning how to cope with your withdrawal symptoms. Your description of them is wonderful, so true. Your brain IS temporarily damaged. Why? Because benzos do their "magic" by damping down the Fear Center of your brain...the amygdala. A walnut sized organ that controls anxiety, fear, etc. Benzos sort of shut it down and when you go OFF benzos, you will feel deeply anxious, panic stricken. This is normal and you just have to suffer through this crap, because eventually, your brain WILL heal itself, with NO help from you. This is Mother Nature in her finest. We mess up and Mother Nature heals us.

I can tell you twenty times that how you feel is normal but you will undoubtedly think you are somehow different or worse than the rest of us. I an only encourage you to reach out as you have here, and start chatting with others who have been through this. Slowly, you will find your way through this, just as I did and most here on BB.

Please feel free to Private Message me if that might help you.

east

I have to make lists for grocery store, lists of housework, lists to tell me what to do in a wave.  Lists on how to make it through a window. It's absolutely horrible.  I cry and sweat and panic all in the same hour.  It's the worst feeling ever.  Worst for me is I can't feel a connection to my kids.  I have a huge life to live and my standards were so high that it's hard now to stop and take care of just me.  But we have to right now. There is no other choice.  Does your husband know?

I will message you this is horrid and I want to know what I can do to make it.  I am so disarrayed

I STILL make lists of stuff I need to do. Just that now its due to older age, not benzos. Thank heavens. Getting my mind back has been so interesting. Because I numbed my brain for 30 years, you have NO idea how badly this affected how I thought. Honest, I am still putting the puzzle pieces together, still trying to figure out what was created by my damn benzos and what wasn't. I know my thinking as very unclear in the last maybe 15 years on benzos. Iwill give you a rather graphic example, one that shames me, even now. I went to work one day just after working in my garden. I noticed my fingernails were dirty. Did I stop and wash them? Nope. Benzo Brain told me to ignore it. Well, my boss noticed andwrote me up. Legitimately. This sort of thing is typical of a mind affected by benzos. But I am still; ashamed that this happened.

 

A brain on benzos can disfigure how you think and feel. Your benzo brain/mind may tell you something is 'okay' but later on you see how way wrong that was. Benzo affect how you think and feel and when you get OFF them, how you think and feels goes a bit crazy for awhile. But you wll heal, just as I did. And you may look back later and ealized you did stuff that wasn't right,or ethical. Benzos told you to do that. And you cannot take back those errors. You have to live with them and try to forgive yourself for that stuff.

 

Excuse any typos. I am dead tired this evening.

east