Thinking I should reinstate. Advice please!

I am about 90 days benzo free. Went through a rapid taper. I am still experiencing :

-muscle tightness/numbness around eyes and nose and chin.

-internal vibrations

-Severe anxiety, depression and fear.

-crying every day

-muscle twitches

-tinnitus

 

I am so afraid this is going to go on for what seems like an eternity. That I will wake up one day and I will feel like I am back at day one. All these stories are so terrifying. Does fast healing happen? My doctor has apologized many times for the rapid taper she had me do. She has also offered over and over again to reinstate me at a low dose and taper over several months. I just don't know what to do. I am so tired and so scared. I also don't want to do this all over again. I have two small children and this isn't fair to them. If I reinstate and taper do I have a better chance of this not lasting as long? So many questions and no answers. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I don't think anyone can give you a definitive answer, i have read many posts where reinstatement does not work even after just a few days off. Personally i would not reinstate, you have made it off this poison so congratulations, keep moving forward and never take another benzo.

Hi Alenable87 -

 

I too am about 90 days into Ativan c/t withdrawal. I too was thinking about reinstating last week. But I decided I've put so much hard work into making it to this point why risk a possible bad experience with reinstating since chances are the outcome will not be pleasant. And like you said, "I don't want to do this all over again" Obviously its a personal choice, but its a gamble since reinstating can cause kindling, and as far as I can determine from reading and research, the damage is already done from the c/t withdrawal, of which I had zero taper, just a phenobarbital 2 week substitution to avoid seizures and to help control my chronic migraine pain.

 

I have found distraction helps the most, breathing exercises and meditation to calm my central nervous system. I also like to celebrate the small milestones silently to myself through thought or journaling. The side effects come and go, the severity waxes and wanes, but something(s) is/are always present reminding me to stay away from these toxic and physically dependent medications. I know its so hard, especially with children to care for and where we are in the process, but I truly believe its going to get better, become more manageable and end at some point...and I intend become a better person for enduring it all.

 

This quote also helps me:

"Once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure whether the storm is really over.  But when you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm is all about"  - Haruki Murakami

 

Hope you find some comfort and relief soon!

ttsp

Thank you for your post. I know that I don't want to reinstate. I honestly don't want to take another benzo ever again. I just wish there was something to do to make it go faster. I know there isn't and only time will heal. It's just hard to deal with. I try to stay positive and tell myself it will all end one day but on the bad days I can tell myself that 10,000 times and it won't make a difference.

I know. Some days, most days are really hard. They  say not to, but when my body is on fire 🔥 burning from inside out, muscles and bones ache all over I drink a few glasses of wine. It’s the only thing that gives me relief. And I feel better for awhile and am able to cope. A person can only take so much misery and suffering.

 

Hang in there!

Well at least that helps you. I am so afraid to try any alcohol or any medicine (even Tylenol). I'm terrified of getting sick. I'm really just afraid of everything.

Alena,

You are wise to avoid alcohol and most OTC drugs. None will help you and some might make you worse. Alcohol especially, as it works in similar ways as benzos, on your brain.

I agree with the advice you have gotten. Try not to reinstate as it might just make things worse, not better. I too went through that, and the ONLY  reason I did not reinstate wad my extreme paranoia about doctors back then. I was forced to go CT off Klonapin 6 mgs, Ambien 10 mgs, and two ADs. Holy hell ensued. My first year was such a nightmare I still cannot describe it. And it took THIS old lady 4 years to really feel good again! But then again, I used benzos nightly for thirty years. Extreme use, extreme withdrawal.

You will NOT be that bad, due to your own history of benzos.

 

I agree. Distraction may be your best coping tool. Slow deep belly breathing can relax you a bit, so try that faithfully several times a day. Do a search for coping skills and select a few that appeal to you.

 

You might want to read my Success Story, which was inexplicably moved to Buddie Blogs a year ago. It remains my Success Story nevertheless. I have always tried to be honest and describe the sheer hell I went through. "Eastcoast's Trip Two" is its name and I just wrote on it, so its bumped up right now. Feel free to write me there or PM me.

east

THUMBS UP!

I say listen to no-one but your own body Alenabale.. one thing i learned is that everything about benzos affects everyone differently. Just keep in mind that your body is clearly craving a sedative/tranquilizer badly. It doesn't have to be the same thing you were on before but it can be.. consider anti-psychotics... also look into baclofen. It's a quasi-benzo. you just need outside help to calm down. I know i had the same symptoms as you tit for tat and no amount of breathing, exercise helped me. this is a shock made by a man-made drug that nature has no remedies for but time. I'm also at 90 days. i'm not freaking out anymore with anxiety but my system is still fragile and tinnitus still there and night sweats. I didn't give in but in hindsight, i would have re-instated. just listen to your body. even ashton manual says so. if you re-instate, but don't find the discipline in you to not up-dose or abuse or adhere to your taper, and that is a possibility, then you'll know cold turkey is your only way out of this mess. best of luck and strength. if you re-instate, do so at the lowest dose possible that you feel may help you calm down just a bit.. it should still be some work for you.. you just need a little help. maybe half of your last dose that gave you considerable sedation. after 90 days your tolerance should be lower. so from your signature - 1mg/day or 0.5mg/day of clonazepam may help you just enough. you still have to fight this fight though so don't look for a full relief. just a little help. Also i must say that I know of a member who re-instated and her tinnitus got worse. so tread carefully. maybe take 1 mg and wait and see what happens after it wears off.. you need to gauge everything carefully and slowly. again, listen to your body and don't rush

Hi Alenabale87,

 

I can see you're in pain and you're scared, I was too when I quit cold turkey, but you've gotten some great input from your buddies when they tell you that there are no guarantees when someone reinstates and at 90 days out, the chances of it being successful aren't too good.  This is what Professor Ashton said about reinstatement.

 

A dilemma faced by some people in the process of benzodiazepine withdrawal, or after withdrawal, is what to do if they have intolerable symptoms which do not lessen after many weeks. If they are still taking benzodiazepines, should they increase the dose? If they have already withdrawn, should they reinstate benzodiazepines and start the withdrawal process again? This is a difficult situation which, like all benzodiazepine problems, depends to some degree on the circumstances and the individual, and there are no hard and fast rules.

Reinstatement after withdrawal? Many benzodiazepine users who find themselves in this position have withdrawn too quickly; some have undergone 'cold turkey'. They think that if they go back on benzodiazepines and start over again on a slower schedule they will be more successful. Unfortunately, things are not so simple. For reasons that are not clear, (but perhaps because the original experience of withdrawal has already sensitised the nervous system and heightened the level of anxiety) the original benzodiazepine dose often does not work the second time round. Some may find that only a higher dose partially alleviates their symptoms, and then they still have to go through a long withdrawal process again, which again may not be symptom-free.

 

I know this is difficult, it's the worst, most painful thing I've ever faced, but I healed and I see no reason why you won't as well, but the only way out of this awful mess is through.  There are no shortcuts, no time outs and no do overs.  Sure, there are those who have successfully reinstated and tapered off again, but there are just as many who tried and found they were no better off, and sometimes worse.

 

Use the advice East has given you, try to distract, choose a healthy diet, avoid reaching for quick fixes and have patience.  You mention your two children, you're doing all you can for them right now, you got off of this drug and you're healing even though it doesn't feel like it. 

 

I'm not trying to scare you, I'm just giving you information about what we know, I'm sorry its not better news.  You'll have to figure out what you need to do for you, and whatever you decide, we'll be here to support you. 

 

Pamster

 

 

 

 

 

I say listen to no-one but your own body Alenabale.. one thing i learned is that everything about benzos affects everyone differently. Just keep in mind that your body is clearly craving a sedative/tranquilizer badly. It doesn't have to be the same thing you were on before but it can be.. consider anti-psychotics... also look into baclofen. It's a quasi-benzo. you just need outside help to calm down. I know i had the same symptoms as you tit for tat and no amount of breathing, exercise helped me. this is a shock made by a man-made drug that nature has no remedies for but time. I'm also at 90 days. i'm not freaking out anymore with anxiety but my system is still fragile and tinnitus still there and night sweats. I didn't give in but in hindsight, i would have re-instated. just listen to your body. even ashton manual says so. if you re-instate, but don't find the discipline in you to not up-dose or abuse or adhere to your taper, and that is a possibility, then you'll know cold turkey is your only way out of this mess. best of luck and strength. if you re-instate, do so at the lowest dose possible that you feel may help you calm down just a bit.. it should still be some work for you.. you just need a little help. maybe half of your last dose that gave you considerable sedation. after 90 days your tolerance should be lower. so from your signature - 1mg/day or 0.5mg/day of clonazepam may help you just enough. you still have to fight this fight though so don't look for a full relief. just a little help. Also i must say that I know of a member who re-instated and her tinnitus got worse. so tread carefully. maybe take 1 mg and wait and see what happens after it wears off.. you need to gauge everything carefully and slowly. again, listen to your body and don't rush

 

Hi 50shades,

 

I don't know about Aleneabale, but I'm getting some mixed messages in your post.  You suggest she listen to no one but her own body, then suggest she consider anti-psychotics and also Baclofen which comes with it's own list of unpleasant side effects, then go on to suggest reinstating, then doing a cold turkey if that doesn't work out. 

 

I understand you're trying to help, but your comments seem a bit prescriptive so I hope you'll be more careful going forward. 

 

Pamster

Thanks so much Pamster for posting Dr. Ashton's opinion on reinstatement.  I remember struggling with this at about 6 weeks from my c/t.  The Ashton manual was my only resource and I chose to stay the course.  Who knows if I made the right decision but...I am coming up on my year and am doing pretty well.

 

Alena, You are in the trenches of w/d.  Rally all the support you can around you at this time.  Have your husband read and make an effort to understand why this neuro injury is causing you so much pain and mental difficulties.  Taking the pressure off of you as a mom would be huge in calming your central nervous system.  This is only temporary...and you need the support now so you can heal and get back to your life.

 

Your husband could read,"What is happening to your brain." By Parker in the Post withdrawal recovery section.  This surely will give him an idea of what's going on.  Might help you too.

I say listen to no-one but your own body Alenabale.. one thing i learned is that everything about benzos affects everyone differently. Just keep in mind that your body is clearly craving a sedative/tranquilizer badly. It doesn't have to be the same thing you were on before but it can be.. consider anti-psychotics... also look into baclofen. It's a quasi-benzo. you just need outside help to calm down. I know i had the same symptoms as you tit for tat and no amount of breathing, exercise helped me. this is a shock made by a man-made drug that nature has no remedies for but time. I'm also at 90 days. i'm not freaking out anymore with anxiety but my system is still fragile and tinnitus still there and night sweats. I didn't give in but in hindsight, i would have re-instated. just listen to your body. even ashton manual says so. if you re-instate, but don't find the discipline in you to not up-dose or abuse or adhere to your taper, and that is a possibility, then you'll know cold turkey is your only way out of this mess. best of luck and strength. if you re-instate, do so at the lowest dose possible that you feel may help you calm down just a bit.. it should still be some work for you.. you just need a little help. maybe half of your last dose that gave you considerable sedation. after 90 days your tolerance should be lower. so from your signature - 1mg/day or 0.5mg/day of clonazepam may help you just enough. you still have to fight this fight though so don't look for a full relief. just a little help. Also i must say that I know of a member who re-instated and her tinnitus got worse. so tread carefully. maybe take 1 mg and wait and see what happens after it wears off.. you need to gauge everything carefully and slowly. again, listen to your body and don't rush

 

Hi 50shades,

 

I don't know about Aleneabale, but I'm getting some mixed messages in your post.  You suggest she listen to no one but her own body, then suggest she consider anti-psychotics and also Baclofen which comes with it's own list of unpleasant side effects, then go on to suggest reinstating, then doing a cold turkey if that doesn't work out. 

 

I understand you're trying to help, but your comments seem a bit prescriptive so I hope you'll be more careful going forward. 

 

Pamster

 

you may be right. all i meant if is she can find a way or a drug to help alleviate her agony, go for it. i don't think through it is the only way out. but definitely should not listen to me or you or anyone else. we are not trained or educated in this by any means. everyone on this site is shooting in the dark.. including many doctors. Best advice is for Alenabale is to find an addictions doctor and listen to them

Hi Alenabale87,

I guess you have to trust good people in your life that know you well. They may not understand what you are going through (no one really does except another person who has gone

through benzo withdrawal), but if they know your past they might be able to remind you how you have handled other past traumatic experiences?

 

With that being said,  I am 6 months benzo free, and today I would say, reinstating does not sound like the way to go in my book.

Best of Luck! Stay positive!

Hey. I went through withdrawals for 4 years. Very severe. From xanax. I done fasting for 5 months. Helped me immensely. Pm if u wanna discuss.