Through hell and back - recovered and you will too!

I didn't think I was going to be writing a success story, but here I am to all you that there is light at the end of the tunnel and life after benzos. I am just about 4 months off and consider myself recovered. I am still dealing with a few lingering symptoms (some insomnia and muscle pain), but nothing that gets in the way of living a normal, productive life. I am all in all back to normal and even more resilient than I have ever been. I hope my story gives you hope and encouragement that you too can and will get better.

 

I realize there are many members here who are sick for a long time and feeling hopeless, but one thing I've learned from this process is that it’s impossible to predict when things will get better, so acceptance is where it all starts. In fact, often things get worse before they finally start to improve. I was deathly ill for 18 months and riddled with symptoms so severe that I thought my life was over. I won’t go into the grueling details of my withdrawal as I could fill pages describing every ailment I experienced, but suffice to say that I had virtually every physical and psychological symptom out there. I spent thousands of dollars on doctors, therapies, treatments and nothing really worked. I was getting so debilitated and demoralized that I didn't know what to do or where to turn. I was truly hopeless as I couldn't find a "fix" for all my problems. Combine that with derealization, depression and insomnia…yeah, I was a real mess.

 

With all that said, I want to share a few things that have worked for me and that I would encourage you to try as well. I am not going to be prescriptive and tell you how to taper. There’s plenty of info on that already, so my contributions on this matter aren’t going to be groundbreaking. I simply stuck to a modified Ashton protocol with occasional holds but always kept pushing forward no matter how bad things got. I did not have the time or patience to deal with a micro taper.

 

What I do hope to accomplish here is to simply tell everyone that recovery is possible and that things will get better with both time and effort. As hard and unfair this process is, it's incredibly important not to surrender yourself to the sickness, or as I call it, a temporary disability. It’s easy to give into a “woe is me, life is unfair mentality” - trust me, that will not help. You need to fight and fight like hell. And, you will be surprised at what you can accomplish.

 

No matter how terrible you feel, try to work or at the very least keep yourself occupied. In order to heal, I found it important to stay engaged. Try to resist the urge to give into your condition - fight back. Feeling agoraphobic? Take some deep breaths and go outside. I promise it won’t kill you. You will feel uncomfortable but with repeated exposure things will improve. Feeling sorry and depressed about life? Try to channel those sentiments into something productive as difficult as that may be. For example, even the simple act of cleaning up your home may give you a small sense of accomplishment. In my opinion, positive reinforcement is critical to recovery. You have to be your own cheerleader, no matter how many people are in your corner. A strong support system will help immensely but the power lies in you to challenge your condition.

 

Last but not least (and I feel strongly about this one) - as helpful as this forum can be. it’s important to keep distance and not get sucked into the benzobuddies dogma. I see a lot of people on here posting incessantly and I understand why they do it. Misery loves company and this forum is a good outlet to ask for advice and speak openly about your condition. But at some point, it’s equally important to ask yourself whether posting and reading every single thread is actually going to help YOU. I hate to stay it, but reading benzobuddies will not accelerate healing. Most people on here (especially the frequent posters) don’t quite realize that spending so much time on this website can easily make them feel worse and subconsciously ramp up anxiety among other symptoms. When we’re in withdrawal, we’re desperate, ill, and unfortunately quite gullible and suggestible. So, it's best not to overanalyze every element of someone's withdrawal. We're all unique in our own way - while we all have many symptoms in common, no single journey to recovery will be exactly the same. So, do what you need to take care of you rather than thinking that others will have the answers.

 

There’s a lot more I can say here, but I want to leave everyone here with some positive encouragement that healing is possible. Please keep the faith, stay hopeful, accept things for what they are, keep fighting for yourself, and never give up. If possible, get help and support. Confide in family, friends, therapists, dogs, cats, significant others....you name it. But even if you don't have a strong support network, do not despair. You too can and will get better. I never believed it would happen, but it happened to me. You too will beat this! 

Thank you for this amazing post!!! I'm in my final stretch with 18 more days and hope that I can recover quickly after!  I have been using the power of positive thinking the whole way down as well as acceptance, as you said, and I do believe that has been helpful during this difficult time!  I can really relate to your post!  Congratulations! ❤

Great post Malak.

So true you have to move forward and every journey is different. I got to point that the only thing that helped me on the site was success stories, and they helped significantly. To read that others had been through something very similar to me helped me immensely, because there was a time I thought I was just "crazy". In a selfish way so refreshing to know I wasn't alone on my journey.

Keep going is the only way out!

 

B strong

Did you have severe muscle contra tire and pain and terror of everything including everything g in your own home?

Did you have severe muscle contra tire and pain and terror of everything including everything g in your own home?

 

Yes, I had most of this for a period of time. But, to reinforce what I said in my post - comparing symptoms with me or others will not help you long term. It won’t help heal you faster. I understand the desire to talk about symptoms; I really do. That’s pretty much all I did for a long time. But when I had the realization that obsessing over symptoms and comparing them to others aren’t going to help me feel better, I actually started to turn a corner. Don’t let your symptoms define who you are. Fight back.

Malak-

 

Thanks for your encouraging post and bravo!  Your tips seem right on target especially taking responsibility for your own healing and trying to stay active everyday.

I understand when you caution others to use this site judiciously as we maintain focus on what's best for our own healing.  This forum has been a godsend as far as I'm concerned - but I agree that if I spend too much time on the boards there's a risk of wallowing in my symptoms and becoming discouraged, which ultimately does little for my healing.  Staying positive is crucial.

 

Thanks again for sharing your positive story and thoughts on healing,

Brighterday

Thank you for posting this. I definitely agree with the sentiment about spending too much time on Benzo Buddies... a lot of people get caught in that negative thought loop and coming on here to complain only further entrenches them in despair. Congratulations on the success  :thumbsup:

Thanks for your post. I really needed to read this. Fighting the good fight almost three months off!