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NO window for a month. No ambition or motivation. Will this ever end?


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I have been tapering for a year.  Down to one mg. At this point.  For about a month I’ve had no ambition, no motivation, nothing.  It’s really getting me down.  I’m feeling worse the lower I go.  Is this normal at this point?  Can anyone else relate?  Also have terrible burning in my legs. Would sure appreciate some help and/or encouragement.
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  • 6 months later...

I have been tapering for a year.  Down to one mg. At this point.  For about a month I’ve had no ambition, no motivation, nothing.  It’s really getting me down.  I’m feeling worse the lower I go.  Is this normal at this point?  Can anyone else relate?  Also have terrible burning in my legs. Would sure appreciate some help and/or encouragement.

 

I definitely felt worse going lower and lower in my dose. K have noticed symptoms coming and going though. I believe it will pass eventually, just don't know when. Just like everything we experience, comes and goes or may hang around for a bit. Keep going, eventyit will even out.

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Thank you one and all for all the answers I never got.

You seem to have this persecution complex which is really unhealthy. Not all threads get answered because shit happens. It's nothing personal, we don't know you.

 

If I had to guess why there was no answer to this thread, I'd suggest it's because you're asking a very generic question that is easily answered by just reading the forums. Of course it's normal to have these types of negative feelings during a taper, everybody is going through this type of stuff. There's no single version of what is a normal taper. It's normal to feel crappy in various different ways including what you listed and plenty more.

 

What you really seem to be seeking can probably best be found in the support groups subforum. Why don't you take a look for a group that applies to you and say hello? When I check this forum and see your posts, they are always negative/complaining/insulting. I would not be surprised if some users just skip over your posts to focus on helping someone who is more polite and appreciative. Not me, because I'm here trying to make helpful suggestions. Find an active thread that suits you in the support group section and introduce yourself and ask some questions there. Get to know people a bit.

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I have been tapering for a year.  Down to one mg. At this point.  For about a month I’ve had no ambition, no motivation, nothing.  It’s really getting me down.  I’m feeling worse the lower I go.  Is this normal at this point?  Can anyone else relate?  Also have terrible burning in my legs. Would sure appreciate some help and/or encouragement.

 

I'm down pretty low in my taper and things are definitely getting harder! I have the want to do things bit I'm suffering from extreme fatigue and POTS symptoms so it takes a huge physical toll on me. I'm pretty sure things get harder for most the lower they go

 

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Hey Diaz-e-Bam,

 

Just want to say something. Usually I'm not one to defend another person as I view that as insulting for various reasons. Nevertheless, I do believe this is a good opportunity to "look at the bigger picture" and to not just put yourself in his or her "shoes" but in "everyone's shoes."

 

First, he may be able to look something up, but if you have experienced withdrawals, then you would know that looking something up is hard due to cognitive impairment, blurry vision, migraine headaches, flu-like symptoms, etc. His or her asking is merely a plea for help because I'm sure he or she would have done so if not symptomatic with withdrawals. I know this because that's how I was not long ago and maybe will be again in the near future.

 

Second, withdrawal causes dysthymia, sometimes the affective impact causes suicide. Emotional control is difficult, as there is no picking one's self up by the bootstrap, at least not all the time. And given that OP stated a prolonged period of withdrawal, I can only imagine how emotionally draining that is and how it could make someone grumpy. The benefit of the doubt should be given that if someone in withdrawal behaves negatively, then that person would not do so when healthy and drug free.

 

Third, OP appears to have "bumped up" the thread/question in a humorous way (in my opinion), and bumping up the thread is always better than reposting the same question. It appears that OP still has that question on the mind.

 

Last, I'm saying that we all should be as compassionate as possible for those suffering, because if we can't be compassionate, able to empathize or sympathize, then who else will?

 

I just wanted to say this so you can see it from a different angle.

 

Peace ✌️

 

Thank you one and all for all the answers I never got.

You seem to have this persecution complex which is really unhealthy. Not all threads get answered because shit happens. It's nothing personal, we don't know you.

 

If I had to guess why there was no answer to this thread, I'd suggest it's because you're asking a very generic question that is easily answered by just reading the forums. Of course it's normal to have these types of negative feelings during a taper, everybody is going through this type of stuff. There's no single version of what is a normal taper. It's normal to feel crappy in various different ways including what you listed and plenty more.

 

What you really seem to be seeking can probably best be found in the support groups subforum. Why don't you take a look for a group that applies to you and say hello? When I check this forum and see your posts, they are always negative/complaining/insulting. I would not be surprised if some users just skip over your posts to focus on helping someone who is more polite and appreciative. Not me, because I'm here trying to make helpful suggestions. Find an active thread that suits you in the support group section and introduce yourself and ask some questions there. Get to know people a bit.

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I have been tapering for a year.  Down to one mg. At this point.  For about a month I’ve had no ambition, no motivation, nothing.  It’s really getting me down.  I’m feeling worse the lower I go.  Is this normal at this point?  Can anyone else relate?  Also have terrible burning in my legs. Would sure appreciate some help and/or encouragement.

 

Are you being treated or supervised by a doctor? It appears that this has been a struggle for many months, many months of making no headway.

 

My advice to you is to consult a physician about switching to diazepam because Clonazepam is not working for you. You could also try micro-tapering by dividing the cuts by 1/2 or 1/3. This will prolong your taper, however. The other alternative, with a doctor's supervision, is to use an adjunct medication. I personally have used Gabapentin with some success in getting myself over those stubborn humps where the withdrawals become unbearable.

 

Also, as a principle to follow, once you go down in your dose, never go back up unless the withdrawals are so bad that you fear permanent damage, e.g., heart attach, seizure, etc.

 

Your taper seems exceptionally long because of not being able to go down any further in your dose. You need to do something different because from my experience, with your going back up, it won't be any different when you go down again. You will most likely suffer the same withdrawal symptoms. You'll have to decide whether you can tolerate that or come up with a different plan of attack so you can proceed in your taper.

 

Wishing you the very best and a successful taper,

Health

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Hey Diaz-e-Bam,

 

Just want to say something. Usually I'm not one to defend another person as I view that as insulting for various reasons. Nevertheless, I do believe this is a good opportunity to "look at the bigger picture" and to not just put yourself in his or her "shoes" but in "everyone's shoes."

 

First, he may be able to look something up, but if you have experienced withdrawals, then you would know that looking something up is hard due to cognitive impairment, blurry vision, migraine headaches, flu-like symptoms, etc. His or her asking is merely a plea for help because I'm sure he or she would have done so if not symptomatic with withdrawals. I know this because that's how I was not long ago and maybe will be again in the near future.

 

Second, withdrawal causes dysthymia, sometimes the affective impact causes suicide. Emotional control is difficult, as there is no picking one's self up by the bootstrap, at least not all the time. And given that OP stated a prolonged period of withdrawal, I can only imagine how emotionally draining that is and how it could make someone grumpy. The benefit of the doubt should be given that if someone in withdrawal behaves negatively, then that person would not do so when healthy and drug free.

 

Third, OP appears to have "bumped up" the thread/question in a humorous way (in my opinion), and bumping up the thread is always better than reposting the same question. It appears that OP still has that question on the mind.

 

Last, I'm saying that we all should be as compassionate as possible for those suffering, because if we can't be compassionate, able to empathize or sympathize, then who else will?

 

I just wanted to say this so you can see it from a different angle.

 

Peace ✌️

 

 

Hey, I appreciate where you're coming from. My response may appear out of line until you understand that this is one post of several by the same poster on this same theme. He started a thread just recently criticising people for viewing his threads and not responding. I've been here long enough to recognise the usernames, but I can never really remember who is who. Apart from this guy, who is distinctive as being the guy who complains all the time.

 

Maybe my response still looks out of line even given the context. It's really difficult to know how to pitch it. I really don't want to cause more upset which makes it difficult to be too critical. The thing is, this guy previously started a thread which was very critical of people who read posts and don't respond. In that thread, he received thoughtful responses about why that might be and practical suggestions on how to get more support. If I was of a similar nature, I might be offended that I spent the time to make some suggestions in that thread so that he has more chance of getting some support but they weren't even acknowledged and he just carries on in the same vein. I'm not offended but it is frustrating. It makes me less inclined to give the benefit of the doubt.

 

This subforum has more comings and goings. It's largely people dropping in with specific issues, perhaps making a few other posts when they check back. But it's people coming and going more than being a cohesive community. So I suggested (as I have repeated in this thread) that he takes a look at the support groups subforum. The expectations that he has of this forum are much more likely to be met there.

 

I genuinely feel like a bit of a dick being so harsh... but this guy will continue to be disappointed if he keeps doing the same thing over and over again. For his own good, he needs to move on and try a different tact... not raking up a post from half a year ago. I really don't think it was intended as humorous, by the way. I still think it was right of me to be a bit firmer but I'm not gonna lie, it doesn't sit right.

 

I totally understand how it reads and I really hope that OP can accept my apology if there are any hurt feelings. But I also hope that he'll listen to some of the advice.

 

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Hey diaz-e-BAM,

 

Yeah. I understand. I see where you are coming from and why you said what you did. I'm not trying to criticize anyone. I suppose I just wanted to affirm the idea that people's personalities, while going through withdrawal, are not how the personality is normally. At least, for myself, I hope so because I feel as if I'm a completely different person. If I were clean and free of withdrawals at this very moment, it wouldn't be soon enough. Unfortunately.

 

Also, as an aside, I hope I'll once again be the person I was before this all happened. Scars are permanent, however, so I suppose the support we can give each other is a blessing considering the damage we've suffered.

 

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to making this post.  :)

 

Wishing you the very best,

Health

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Hi Health,

 

Oh yeah, I totally get it. I've been that snappy, impatient, irritable person. I've not only behaved like the whole world is against me or

even just felt like it, I genuinely thought it when I was at my worst. Horrible psychotic symptoms triggered by a few things that genuinely did align against me. There's one person in my life who can't quite grasp the all consuming nature of benzo withdrawal and sees this as a personality shift. It's not great at all. The effect is exaggerated because I reveal even less of myself to this person than other people, because I view them as a health hazard.

 

The other important people in my life have seen me bounce back and they understand that it certainly wasn't me in the past... they can also see that it's true that I am sometimes not always myself now, to a lesser degree, and they give me the right amount of latitude. However, sometimes they give it to me straight and that's what I need. If I'm ranting about the same thing over and over again, ignoring the normal social cues to change the subject, ignoring the uncomfortable or even bored looks... then it can be helpful for them to tell me I need to get over it. If they tried to help me and I'm still bothered, if I got it off my chest umpteen times and I'm still bothered... sometimes the correct response is SNAP OUT OF IT. Works for me anyway. I guess I was trying a version of that.

 

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Hey diaz-e-BAM,

 

Yeah. I was looking at your signature, so I can see you've been going through hell for awhile. I think whenever we try to CT or drop too fast, and the GABA receptors are traumatized, the withdrawal process becomes so much more difficult. I think the one thing that anyone should do when beginning to taper is to do it right, do it as fast as possible (relatively). For me, everything went badly when I was forced to change to a different tapering drug, followed by a massive cut for fear I'd run out if I went too slowly. I managed to go from the equivalent of 80mg of diazepam, twice a day, to 6mg once a day, in approximately six months. I think that might have been a mistake.

 

I saw that you have periodically held out for approximately a month before making another cut. I don't know if that helps, but I'm debating whether I should do that as I'm transitioning from one drug to another. However, OP seems to be doing that and is now stuck, so I don't know.

 

There's one thing that is very concerning for me now, and I try to block it out, but my memory is pretty bad at the moment. I even make typos, like "attach" or worse. Never have done that before. I try to remember an actor's name and can't, even though I was just watching an interview with him. Not normal. Sometimes I can't think at all.

 

When benzodiazepine users cease long-term benzodiazepine therapy, their cognitive function improves in the first six months, although deficits may be permanent or take longer than six months to return to baseline
  Barker MJ, Greenwood KM, Jackson M, Crowe SF (April 2004). "Persistence of cognitive effects after withdrawal from long-term benzodiazepine use: a meta-analysis". Archives of Clinical Neuropsychology. 19 (3): 437–54. doi:10.1016/S0887-6177(03)00096-9. PMID 15033227.

 

That quote is what I fear the most from all of this. My brain is how I make money and provide for myself and others. I hope to God that I come out of this in one piece.

 

Anyway, I'm whinging. But yeah, I totally know what you are saying.

 

All the best, diaz-e-BAM

 

P.S. Funny name  :laugh:

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Feel free to have a whinge! I'm not anti-whinging at all times in general... that would be completely impractical for benzo sufferers!

 

I saw that you have periodically held out for approximately a month before making another cut. I don't know if that helps, but I'm debating whether I should do that as I'm transitioning from one drug to another. However, OP seems to be doing that and is now stuck, so I don't know.

 

I'm sure that it has helped in my case at least. When I cut from 5mg to 3mg in stages between August and December last year, I became quite unstable. It was clear to me from past experience that I'd have to take at least a little longer before going again. Unfortunately I am not certain on the dates but I know that on Christmas day, I was still shaky and cognitively impaired. I was stable but had only been stable for a few days. So I think that I cut from 3.25mg to 3mg perhaps the second week in December, so my hold was probably 7 or 8 weeks. In early/mid January, I figured that I was about ready to cut again. It had been a little more than a month since my last cut and I was feeling much better. I was getting quite impatient, actually. What stopped me, I'm not exactly sure. I don't remember a specific moment when I decided against it but I know the motivation was to please my mother. I knew I wasn't 100% but I didn't think I could improve much more while I was tapering. I thought that this was how it was and I could cope so it was time to get on with it. I gave into some subtle pressures to stick where I was for at least a little while longer. What followed for the second half of January was a HUGE relief to me. I started to improve some more, so that I didn't just feel good in contrast with feeling terrible, but actually felt like a normal functioning person. Cognitively, I was sharper than at any point since before psych meds. Physically, I was having days without that mild shaky feeling that I have become accustomed to (which is more likely to become a less mild shakiness than to relent at all). I got this glimpse of my old self and it was incredibly uplifting. What I did then was give myself another week just because I didn't know how long it would be before I'd get that again.

 

Thing shifted for the better from then on. I'm down to 0.75mg (need to update my signature). There have definitely been bumps since February up to now but I haven't been rocked in the same way that I've grown used to. I've held at 1mg for about 6 weeks just recently. It's out of respect for the difficulty of the process. Emotionally, I am doing alright. That's the main thing. Cognitively, I'm mostly alright but I make these very basic errors. I'd be worried if it wasn't for the fact that my executive functioning has been so shot that making a sandwich would be something of an ordeal but after that I experienced that huge improvement in cognitive functioning that I mentioned.

 

I cut to 0.75mg on Sunday evening. It's now Tuesday morning and I'm not feeling brilliant. I've had less than 4 but more than 3 hours sleep. I know that I'll be alright because I've felt a lot worse. I'm glad I gave myself 6 weeks though, because if this was a reduction after a reduction, I can tell this would really mess me up. I expect from past experience that symptoms will get worse (another night of little sleep will do that) tomorrow and probably Thursday before settling somewhat. It's a mixed feeling because I do feel pretty damn crappy but at the same time, it's like a relieved feeling and a pleased feeling too, because I think I have done exactly the right thing in holding for so long so that this is manageable.

 

I don't know whether this helps or not. I just wanted to explain how it has been for me. The world slowing down for COVID19 has been a factor, too. What's the point rushing to get back to a world that has stalled? Not everybody's withdrawal is the same and we all have a unique set of circumstances. What's good for me is not necessarily good for you and vice versa. That said, I do feel a pressure to encourage people who have been struggling profoundly to give themselves an extended break. It can turn things around.

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Hey diaz-e-BAM :)

 

Sorry for the late reply. I've been trying to catchup in a lot that I have failed to do as I lay incapacitated in bed for God knows how long. I did read your post, and it was the deciding factor in my holding on to my present dose. I think it's a brilliant idea (hindsight being 20/20) because I was due for a cut several days ago. It has made me realize how toxic that other drug was I took. Incredible. I'm going to do a full write up on it to act as a warning to others.

 

There have definitely been bumps since February up to now but I haven't been rocked in the same way that I've grown used to. I've held at 1mg for about 6 weeks just recently. It's out of respect for the difficulty of the process. Emotionally, I am doing alright. That's the main thing. Cognitively, I'm mostly alright but I make these very basic errors. I'd be worried if it wasn't for the fact that my executive functioning has been so shot that making a sandwich would be something of an ordeal but after that I experienced that huge improvement in cognitive functioning that I mentioned.

 

This is super encouraging!!! And I'm slowly starting to recover some of my mental faculties. That bit about the sandwich was funny :)

 

I know that I'll be alright because I've felt a lot worse. I'm glad I gave myself 6 weeks though, because if this was a reduction after a reduction, I can tell this would really mess me up. I expect from past experience that symptoms will get worse (another night of little sleep will do that) tomorrow and probably Thursday before settling somewhat. It's a mixed feeling because I do feel pretty damn crappy but at the same time, it's like a relieved feeling and a pleased feeling too, because I think I have done exactly the right thing in holding for so long so that this is manageable.

 

Haha. Yeah. Totally. I am beginning to feel the same thing. I've even been able to stop taking Gabapentin. It's awesome. I'm really glad I talked to you about this because I wasn't going to do it.  I now concur—it was definitely the right thing

 

I don't know whether this helps or not. I just wanted to explain how it has been for me. The world slowing down for COVID19 has been a factor, too. What's the point rushing to get back to a world that has stalled? Not everybody's withdrawal is the same and we all have a unique set of circumstances. What's good for me is not necessarily good for you and vice versa. That said, I do feel a pressure to encourage people who have been struggling profoundly to give themselves an extended break. It can turn things around.

 

Yeah! This Covid19 is a bit of break although it's double edged in that cooped up as we are isn't emotionally or mentally healthy. But then again, what the heck else would we really be doing? I keep thinking that if the Gyms were all open, I would be getting back into shape but it's a bad idea, I'm sure, with Covid19 resurgence. Anyway, I'm glad we had this conversation.

 

 

Wish you continued improvement!!

Talk to you later Diaz-e-BAM :)

 

 

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